To everything there is a season.  I wonder if Solomon knew when he wrote these words how many mixed moments they would bring.  Maybe he wrote it BECAUSE of them.  God, in his wisdom knew, we would need these words to help us through the dichotomies of life; war/peace, life/death, laughter/tears, plant/ harvest, on and on they go.  Mixed moments.   They are part of life as we know it.  All of us have experienced them and have learned we cannot stop them.  As much as we would love laughter, life and peace all the time, we must also endure war, death and tears.  Seasons change…period.  No question.

Many times God brings people into our lives for a season.  Friendships ebb and flow.  They give us great comfort and even bring healing.  Sometimes iron is sharpening iron and other times peas are in a pod.  Our relationship with Pete and Heather is the latter.  From the time Pete met Bill they were bonded.  It was during a Christmas production at Concord.  Bill would come home and talk about Pete all the time.  He wanted me to meet this guy.  Then the kids started talking about him.  If you know Pete at all, you know that his enthusiasm for life is contagious.  He will be the first to tell you that it has not always been so, but that God is his source. His love for the arts spills out on anyone near enough to catch it.  He is talented for sure, but when we first met him he was also trying to get his footing in life.  He knew God’s tremendous grace and he knew he had a purpose, but finding out how to get from point A to point B was a bit muddled.  Enter Heather.  Center Stage. 

It is a little scary to fall in love with a man that oozes with talent but doesn’t have focus.  That is where Heather and I hit it off quite well.  We relate to one another because of our men.  We are both teachers so we know what it means to be firm but gentle.  We are cheerleaders in life and our ability to see a diamond in the rough joins our hearts.  As you can tell, this friendship is one of those rare “couple” friendships where both the husband and wife get along.  It was magical for all of us.  We shared our hearts and dreams.  The guys shared their visions…which were quite grand I might I add.  They knew our history and our weaknesses, and loved us anyway.  That was a two way street.  We walked with them through courtship, marriage, Centerpeace, college, surgery, and now baby.  It has been quite a ride and we have loved having them in our lives.  I know they are not leaving our lives, just our city. 

It is one of those mixed moments I was talking about.  We are thrilled to see what God is going to do with them.  We encourage them to grab life and go for it…whatever IT is.   But at the same time, selfishly, we want them to stay here with us.  We want to continue to watch Silas grow.  We want Pete’s input into our kids lives to continue. Bill needs a playmate and Pete is fun.  We want fun in our lives.  Heather is sweet as sugar.  I like sugar. J  But God in his infinite wisdom knows that for whatever reason a new season is needed.  It is time for our friendship to change.  It will not end, but it will be different because for everything there is a season.  So we wish you well Pete and Heather.  You will always be in our hearts.  Our special friendship means the world to us and we want you to know that you can come “home” anytime.  We release you into God’s care as you move on in life.  We love you. 

           It is that time of year again.  As you can tell from my blog…or lack of one…it has been production week.  That means we have not been home more than a couple of hours this week.  It is a huge labor of love and it never ceases to amaze me how many people are willing to commit that kind of time and effort. 

This year the theme was a military one with a heaven scene at the end which featured dancing angels.  It was quite a celebration that was portrayed as the main character entered.  I had some friends in attendance.  Several years ago one of them lost her teenage son in a car accident.  The tragedy still stings I am sure.  As this woman and her sister watched the scene, the sister said she did not get the dancing angels.  The other woman said I totally get it. That is the kind of reception my son received as he entered heaven.  As the Holy Spirit’s comfort covered their hearts the tears flowed. New life was breathed into a painful past and a burden was lifted.  God is so cool.

Another story is about Jesus, the crucified Jesus to be exact.  Shawn Alexander has been the crucified Jesus for the past 7 years I think.  I cannot tell you how many times he has been killed.  It is a brutal scene and he is thrown around quite a bit.  Let’s just say that some of the bruises are real.  Each time I am transported to the death of my Lord, as the fact that I know all the actors slips into the back of my mind.  It is a poignant reminder of his sacrifice for me. 

This year they are training a new crucified Jesus.  Shawn feels it is time for a replacement…literally FEELS it.  So a younger college age man was selected.  He played the role one of the nights to try it out.  When he was finished, he said he had a greater respect for what Shawn has been doing without complaint all these years.  He said carrying the cross hurts, and that the guards were very rough and it was incredibly difficult to hang on that cross for that long.  The blood make up is sticky and when you pull it off a layer of your skin comes off with it, not to mention the hair.  The crown of thorns really is thorns and they stick into your head.  He was singing the praise of Shawn for all that he has endured, willingly and even cheerfully for the past several years. 

His description caught my attention and I wondered how much more respect these two men each have for Jesus himself.  If the pain and suffering of ACTING like Jesus is difficult, just think how unimaginable it was to actually do what Jesus did in real life.  Carrying the cross did hurt, the guards showed no mercy as they flogged him.  Hanging on the cross as he suffocated had to be unbearable, yet he bore the pain of it all for me and you.  The thorns tore his brow and his back didn’t have much skin left on it.  It was gruesome.  Yet he endured it all willingly without complaint.  What an amazing lesson to learn.  To be like Christ is the ultimate goal, and reflecting upon the crucifixion, it was once again evident how little we are like him…really like him.  I think it is not possible for us to comprehend the staggering weight of his sacrifice.  We cannot understand why he did what he did unless we understand and RECEIVE his love for us.  Not just in our heads but in our hearts as well.  This year there were new perspectives on heaven and on the road to the cross.  Eyes were opened in new ways to see things from a different viewpoint. No matter how many times we do this production one thing remains the same, God is Glorified and he uses his glory to change hearts.

Thirteen years ago I delivered my biggest baby at 11 lbs.  I had just taken a shower and was putting on make up when the doctor came in.  He said, “Do you know you just had a baby two hours ago?”  I said, “An eleven pound baby…do you know how much better I feel?  I can turn around in the shower and not hit my belly on the wall!”

I am so grateful for Peter.  He is my fourth and last baby. He was also the biggest at birth followed closely by Aaron at 10.5 and William at 9.14.  I have big boys evidently.  Now that they are all teenagers that has taken on a whole new meaning.  Peter has probably grown 2 inches since the summer.  He is like a weed on miracle grow!  He is my sportsman and loves all things to do with sports.  He has a tender side as well that occasionally peeks out.  He cried when we told him I had cancer.  He curled up with me when I was sick.  He struggled with fear after his room caught fire.  He smiled when he got cool new furniture.  He is funny which is typical of a last born, so he loves jokes and comedians. Science is easy for him and math is hard.  He loves traditions and eating breakfast out.  He is growing into a young man now and that saddens me.  However, it is time and I wouldn’t go back to toddler-hood for anything in the world.  I now have four teenagers…wow, I can almost feel my hair turning gray.  I do love every minute, okay maybe not EVERY minute, but I am trying to hold on and enjoy them while I can because they will be gone soon.  So happy birthday Peter…you are a blessing to me and I love you a ton!

You know how you grieve after someone dies or moves away?  I think it is the new normal without that person that is the most difficult but, over time, you adjust.  You don’t forget, you just move on and adapt.  Then, in the most unexpected moments, a flood hits you.  It could be triggered by a smell or a song, a familiar scene or a tradition.  Whatever causes the emotions to swim to the surface isn’t really the issue.  It is the hole in your heart that surprises you with its sharp pain and loneliness.

            Last night I had a moment like that which caught me completely off guard.  I decided since I hadn’t seen any of the Christmas production I would watch the dress rehearsal.  It was coming along nicely but at the end, when the dancers came out, I became acutely aware that Hannah was not among them.  It was like a slap in my face that said life has moved on.  The tears welled up and overflowed.  My heart became sad and lonely.  The realization that for the past 10 years she has been there on that stage expressing her passion through dance and now she is not was a boulder on my chest.  Time is a task master and it forces the seasons to change whether we are ready or not.  I miss seeing my graceful girl worship in such an expressive way. 

            I was not expecting this emotional response.  It was a bit of grieving that had to take place.  It felt raw.  Yet I am watching her blossom at school, bed bugs and all.  She is becoming her own person and I am grateful.  God knows when the seasons need to change and he allows time to push our babies out of the nest.  I know that I have not shed my last tear over watching them go off into the world.  To embrace the pain and the joy at the same time is a challenge to say the least.  However, once again God has already walked this path.  He sent his son out into the world that would kill him.  It had to be agony, yet he gained a world of sons and daughters.  Joy and pain.  Another dichotomy of the God we love.  He can so relate to my tears and my hopes.  If I am surprised by grief again in the future…and I probably will be…I am confident that I serve a mighty God that holds me close as the seasons change.

Some of you may have heard about our bed bug saga.  The hall Hannah lives on has had bed bugs since the beginning of the year.  They started three rooms down and have spread slowly up the hall.  Two rooms have already been evacuated and are now empty.  It is a very frustrating problem to have.  Each time they are discovered the girls have to wash every item of clothing.  They have to bag every item in their room in air tight sealed bags to suffocate the buggers.  The bug man comes and sprays then steams the rooms.  They have to sit for a few days then the girls move every thing back in and set the room up again.  The first couple of times it was a precaution.  The third time I found one dead bug as we were washing the bed linens.  Over Thanksgiving we did 14 loads of laundry.  When we got to the sheets there were live bugs in them.  I put them back in the bag sealed it up and threw it away. ( I never bring them in the house until I have checked them first in the yard.)  We took it all back to set up again.  This time I went to help the battle weary girls.  We started unpacking the bags that had been left in the room first.  As we were working we found a live bug.  This after the steaming and spraying over the break.  Frustration set in and tears flowed.  I ended up staying over to get them settled in their new room at the guest cottages.  Today I met with the dean of students, the residence life director, the physical plant director and some other directors I do not even know.  All were frustrated and very sorry about this nightmare for the girls.  They plan to move them for the next two weeks so they can really get in the room each day to treat the bugs.  They have a plan and they are spraying all the rooms on all three floors to try to knock them out.  Please pray that this blitz will work and the stablity will return after Christmas break.  The girls are handling it beautifully but still it is wear them down.  Finals are next week and this is a huge distraction.  It is evedently a new problems hitting campuses across the US.  They are working and helping the girls in every way possible.  I am hopeful that this can be resolved soon!  Join with me in praying for a cure.  Thanks.

            In a trial by fire (pun intended) there are always heroes.  They are people that show up at just the right time and do the things you could not do for yourself.  The trial does not have to be large like cancer or losing your home.  It can be anything that knocks you off your feet literally or spiritually.  God will send his people, and sometimes he sends those that are not his.  He can use anyone, anywhere, anytime.  He is quite big.  My point is that he puts you on someone’s heart and they act; wonderful grace for the moment.  These people are reason you can keep moving forward in the trauma and the healing that follows.  I have quite a list of people to be grateful for this Thanksgiving. We know that nothing from the past few months would have gone as smoothly without you all.

1. The firefighters.  Seems straightforward enough, but they came and quickly.
2. My neighbor Suzanne and her husband Gary.  She was at my house as the fire trucks arrived with water and umbrellas for us.  They provided their house as a place of refuge while we were waiting for them to put out the fire.  They allowed all those that helped us to use her bathroom day and night…that was a huge blessing. When our stuff came back they helped us unload boxes.
3. A former neighbor Phil.  He is a fire fighter and came the night of the fire.  He was our go between.  He helped us with the paperwork and told us what was happening via his radio while we were waiting for the fire to be out.  He also helped us find our rental house, because for his regular job he is a real estate agent.
4. Bill’s mom and dad.  They opened their doors and beds to a family of six with two dogs.  She watched, cooked for, and cleaned up after my children.  He walked the dogs every day.  They love us and for that we are grateful.
5. My mom and dad.  They showed up ready to do whatever we needed.  Dad took all our instruments to different stores for repair.  They agreed to do the research for our inventory to find replacement prices. They also sat and waited for furniture to be delivered, repairmen to show up and a host of other things to get us back in the house.  They love us and for that we are grateful.
6. My friends Mary and Gail.  They came and helped me with stuff around the house in the stench and heat.  Writing down inventory and digging through the rubble.  They brought food so that Bill’s mom had a break from the cooking.  When the stuff arrived back at our house they helped unload boxes.  They are wonderful friends and the three of us make a great team.
7. My friends Mary (again) and Kerry.  They helped us pull our dead dog out of the ditch and cried with us as we loaded her body on the truck.  We knew they would understand.
8. My friend Beth Anne.  She stood in the soaring heat of summer at our storage unit for hours helping me go through boxes of clothes.  We carted away 10 bags of stuff to the thrift store before heading to get a much needed pedicure which she paid for.  Old friends make the best friends. 
9.  Rita and Jim our landlords.  They have been wonderful to allow us to rent on a month to month basis, doing what we need for the insurance and our family to make us welcome here.
10. My prayer buddies Maria, Carolyn and Laurie (by proxy).  They came to my new place to pray and support me. Then they came to my place to pray to welcome me home.  Prayer changes things.
11. My children…all four.  They have been troopers and made this much easier than I thought it would ever be.  They have made an effort to get along with one another and I more than appreciate the peace.
12. My husband, again.  What can I say?  We have been through crisis after crisis and he knows me better than anyone.  We are a team and we continue to work together through stuff like this as a team. 
13. The cleaning company.  I know that they are getting paid for what they do, however they are doing their jobs with sensitivity and flexibility.  I appreciate that.
14. My friend Sherri.  She brought me clothes that are far better than mine.  I have a work wardrobe thanks to her.
15. Other friends and family.  Many purchased gift cards for immediate needs.  Others offered to supply food or strong backs for moving stuff.  We could not do life without this kind of support system.
16. All of my friends that have taken in my kids for a night.  That has helped them to feel like it is a normal summer.  They always love to spend the night out and play at the houses of others.  That has been a big help for me as well.
17. Peter’s soccer team.  These wonderful people, some of whom do not know us well at all, took up a collection.  The coach Dennis Hill decided that rather than accept a coach’s gift that they would donate money to us.  It was a total surprise and blessing to us. I cried.
18. My teaching family.  These ladies help each other in times of need.  Pat brought us dinner when we moved back in.  Traci sewed seams so my new curtains would fit. Martha brought boys clothing for my kids. I’ve already mentioned, Suzanne, Mary, and Beth Anne.  I love working with caring people.
19. The many who have offered to do whatever we needed.  Unfortunately, there isn’t a lot we can farm out in a practical sense.  No one can go through our stuff for us, but the moral support that comes from the offers of help goes a long way to ease our minds and hearts.  Not to mention your prayers…keep on praying.  That is the main thing that carries us through our days. 

Now that we are back home we continue to be blessed by so many people.  It will take us months to get the house in complete order…what am I saying, our house is never in complete order…well, you know what I mean.  The boxes are not labeled so it is like a scavenger hunt to find what you are looking for.  A box of underwear, another for socks (not matched of course), several bags of shoes…on and on it goes. We have slowly been working our way through and have made great progress.  I think that over the holidays we can get it done, but I didn’t want to neglect offering up a prayer of Thanksgiving to God for our blessings.  We thank all of you and thank God for you. You are our heroes. Happy Thanksgiving. 

      You have not lived until you have ridden a bus with 45 excited fourth graders for an hour and 45 minutes.  The noise, the silliness, and the crazy things they do are nerve wracking.  We went to the opera yesterday.  It was an exhausting trip…fieldtrips always are.  To the point that I wonder, each time, why did I ever do this?  What was I thinking when I made this call?  
     Each trip is like an unknown adventure.  Will we get lost on our way to Atlanta?  The answer? Usually.  Will our bus break down on the emergency lane of 85?  Yep.  Will we have enough lunches?  Probably not.  Can we find a bathroom when we need one?  Depends on if you count trees as bathrooms.  Will we arrive home with all the students we left with?  Probably.  Will the parents be there to pick them up?  Nope.
      Hassle?  You bet.  Headache?  You have no idea.  Is it worth it?  Most definitely.  Once again yesterday there were the usual stresses of taking 171 kids into a crowd of 3000.  Eating lunch on the bus was an added plus.  We went to see Cinderella, the opera.  Did I mention it was in Italian?  They have subtitles they told us.  I guess that would be a great thing...if my kids could read!  So we go inside this new place near the Galleria in Cobb county.  Wow!  It was beautiful.  We sit down and the questions start.  What are those people doing in that hole?  That is the orchestra pit.  Who gets to sit in those?  Didn’t Abraham Lincoln get shot here, up in one of those boxes?  At least, now I know that he was listening in Social Studies.  
        The curtain goes up and all is dark and quiet.  The show was a comedy so the actions of the singers disguised the fact that we could not understand one word.  The costumes were fabulous and boy could they all sing.  I am not a big opera fan, but I recognize quality and talent when I hear it.  Phenomenal.    The sets were elaborate and beautiful.  Of all the day, my favorite part was when the set changed.  Things went up into the ceiling and more came down.  The panels rotated bringing with them imagination.  I have seen sets changed before.  To me it was simply a part of the performance that must take place.  But to my students…ahhh, that was something for them to see.  I heard an audible gasp when the set began to change.  Each new piece brought another ohhh or ahhh.  They were amazed with mouths hanging open.   That was their favorite part.  Mine was watching them take it all in.  
         Then when Cinderella made her grand entrance every little girl wished SHE was a princess.  You could see the dream in their eyes…to be beautiful…to be loved.  It was a tender moment and one they will never forget. One that will give them hope on days that are not so beautiful. I prayed that one day the Prince of Peace with rescue them and transform them into the princesses they were created to be.  I watched their world get bigger right before my very eyes.  That transformation is one that every teacher lives for.   It is why we endure all the headaches of field trips.  There is no doubt that every time I set foot on a bus for a trip there will be something new discovered, not only for my students, but for me as well.

        I have the most wonderful cleaning lady.  I hesitate to call her a cleaning lady because she has become a good friend to me over the past year.  Today I came home to my box filled home and she had done wonders.  When I called her this week I told her I didn't know if I was ready for her to come or not...I mean there are only so many things other people can do right now.  No one but us knows where our stuff goes so it is kind of hard for people to help.  Many have asked but I just don't even know what to tell them to do. 
      So my friend, and cleaning lady, Gail came over today and worked like a trojan while I was at work.  I gave her a list of two or three things I thought she could get done for me.  I came home to a transformed house.  She unpacked some boxes so all I have to do is put things away.  She cleaned bathrooms and the kitchen, sorted shoes, hauled stuff that I had put aside to the thrift store.  She is a great blessing to me sent by God...I am sure she is an angel.  If you need someone to clean for you I would highly recommend her.       
       Her passion is to see you rest in your home.  She knows, as a woman, what we would like our homes to be like.  She motivates me by doing the everyday cleaning so that I can concentrate on closets and drawers.  You know the places that you never clean because you are so busy doing the other million things.  In fact, we had totally cleaned out my basement BEFORE the fire.  If we hadn't already hauled so much stuff away we might not have a house left...it would have been fuel for the fire!  Seriously, I had gone through all the closets and systematically disposed of tons of junk.  It was difficult to watch all my hard work go up in flames...but it has made the inventory soooo much easier to know exactly what I had down there.
       Many people are cutting back right now.  One of the first things to go is the cleaning lady.  I would never give her up...I will sacrafice other stuff before I would give her up...food even...maybe we could wear sweaters inside this winter, just don't take my cleaning lady from me.  She has given me hope that my house can be as clean as I would like.  That makes my mind happy...and my heart too.  It feels good to be in a clean house...my house.

(I have been without internet for a few days...this is posted from school but I wrote it on Saturday morning.)
    My legs slid into a silky smooth cloud.  Next I was embraced by softness all over my body.  My head sank into the pillow and soon I was relishing every fresh-smelling fiber.  Warmth climbed up my spine to my neck. In my cocoon, I was like the tired hard working caterpillar.  I settled in for my transforming rest in comfort. Sweet sleep overtook me too soon for me to enjoy the moment fully.  Deep sleep.

 In the morning, I awoke and emerged from my cocoon as a well rested butterfly, ready for a new day of flitting from here to there.  The rejuvenating snooze had done its work and life moved on quickly as usual.  I had a spring in my step because I knew that tonight; once again, I would be encased in warm, supple, smoothness.  My mountainous task would be forgotten for a few blissful hours of unconsciousness.  To tear myself away from this piece of heaven is difficult each morning, however, knowing that I will return at the end of the day makes it bearable.  My own bed has never been so welcoming or so appreciated as it is now.  I am home at last. 

(Written the day after the election. Our move is really taking a bite out of my writing time!)

Looking off my porch this morning I see that the mountains did not crumble last night.  They are still there and will be no matter who is president.  God is still on the throne.  It is a historic day and despite my disagreements with Obama on the issues, I am blessed to see a black man in the White House.  I know there are many African Americans that did not think they would live to see the day.  For a people to come out of slavery and being treated like animals, to holding the highest office in the land is a worthy accomplishment. 

As far as the election goes, I have to say I am glad it is over.  I tired of seeing and hearing the mess that we call politics.  I have no doubt that politicians on both sides of the isle are corrupt.  I have little to no trust in either party.  It is a sad day when the people cannot believe in the governments’ ability to govern.  I personally do not think that the direction Obama wants to take this country is a good one.   I know there are those that would disagree with me…even within my own family.  Our differences are part of what makes this country such a great one; we are free to disagree.

There is a confluence of events that have brought our people to this place.  The economy, the war, and the energy crisis are just scratching the surface.  I find it strange that we are so disillusioned with the government, but we elect a man that would like for the government to run everything.  It seems so foreign to me that we, as a people, would not be able to see this runs contrary to what we say we want as Americans.  We want independence, yet we will be, at least for the next four years be increasing our DEPENDENCE on the government.

I am simply looking back in history to see where we are headed and it is not good.  I think if you look back you will see a similar mindset in Germany after World War I. ( I know, I know…hear me out...I promise I am not going to call Obama the AntiChrist.  In fact, I want to remove religion and race from the table altogether for a moment.  Those two things simply polarize the people and cloud the issues.)  Back to history, the German people were down after the war.  Their economy was in the tank.  Sound familiar.  Hitler was a young charismatic leader with a vision for change.  The people were primed and ready for something they could get excited about to the point, and this is the dangerous part, that they gave away their freedoms.  They didn’t realize that is what they were doing at the time, because it was a gradual shift of mind.  I am NOT saying that Obama is like Hitler…that is not my point so please do not think that I am making that comparison. 

My comparison is that our people and the German people were in a similar mindset.  My point is that the Germans did not recognize what they were doing.  They got caught up in the moment and charisma because they wanted out of their present circumstances.  I just think we are in the same place in many ways.  I do not think that Obama is a crazed madman like Hitler was, but I do think his ideas should cause us to pause and wonder where they will lead us in the future.  That is all I am saying.  Think about what we are doing rather than following a pretty face blindly.  You have a right to your opinions.  I have a right to mine.  Will it stay that way?  We will see. 

If you look further back, to the children of Israel, you will see that they wanted a king.  None of this trusting God to take care of us stuff, they wanted a flesh and blood man to rule and reign.  God gave them what they wanted.  They picked the most handsome, strongest man they could find and he was God’s choice for them. His kingdom started out well and the people were happy.  But keep reading.  Saul became one of the most corrupt kings in history.   Things ended very badly for the people; sheep following their leader off of a cliff.

America wants a king.  We have been sliding in that direction for years.  Slowly fading and giving up our hearts to candidates on both sides of the isle.  I must say that the church hasn’t helped matters.  We do not put our trust in God…we hope the right officials in the right places will do the trick.  We have put our trust in our government to do our work for us.  Why else do you think the welfare system was created?  Men will fail…always.  Systems will fail…always.  We can point fingers at Bush or Clinton until we die. We can say it is the right or the left that is the problem…or those crazy Christians or those lost people… It has gone on for ages before us, and will go on years after we are gone.  It is human to defer the blame for our own condition to others.  It is “normal” to translate our own bitterness of heart to finding fault.  That is why Christ was so radically different.  He said examine your own heart; beware of bitterness for it is poison to your soul.  He said, take up your cross and follow me.  In other words, point to yourself.  Quit blaming others and fall on your knees in humility of heart.  Throw yourself at the foot of the cross…it is only there that you will finally find your true king.