Hannah called today.  It seems that everything did not go as smoothly as I thought with the trip down.  One man on our team did not make the connecting flight in Miami.  He took a different flight because he had frequent flyer miles.  Once he booked another flight to San Paulo they checked his Visa and it turns out it wasn't valid.  (He was supposed to go on last years trip but had to cancel because his wife was expecting and started having complications.  Therefore his five year visa had never been activated.)  Fortunately, they discovered this BEFORE he flew to Brazil, so he just went home. 
     The next thing I did not hear yesterday was that much of the luggage was lost.  It was not supposed to be a big deal...evidently it went to Rio...anyway they were supposed to get it today.  When they went to pick it up only 2 of the bags made it and the airport said they do not know where the others ended up.  It appears that they will not be getting their luggage at all.  So today the majority of the group went shopping to buy clothes to wear.  Both Hannah and Aaron have their bags and are sharing toiletries etc...  I am not sure if the extra bags of clothes to give to the children were lost or not...I forgot to ask. 
     Also the bricks had not been delivered to the worksite because of the weather the last few days...it is the end of the rainy season.  Hannah said that the men got most of the roof up anyway so that when the bricks arrive tomorrow they will have more workers to lay them.  She said it is very hot and more humid than she has ever felt before, but at least it is cloudy.  All of you prayer warriors please pray that the luggage will be found, and that the building will be able to be completed on time.  She seems to think that this is the most mishaps they have ever had.  I would have thought the air traffic controller strike last year during a heavy fog would have been pretty high on the list, but according to her this is the most frustrating.  However, I know a God that is bigger than the loss of luggage and the delays of weather.  It is a sure sign that they are supposed to be there if the enemy keeps trying to block it!

Two of my four children have arrived in Brazil safely.  The other two are here at home with us.  This year's trip was not as eventful as last years.  If you will remember, last year there was a air traffic controllers strike and heavy fog.  Quite an adventure and much prayer was needed to get them there.  This year the Delta inspections threatened to hold them up, however, their flight was not one of the planes held back.  Please pray that things would continue to go smoothly and that this would be a life changing experience for all those involved.

 

What do you do when you cannot breathe?

How can you escape pressure that is all around you?

Is there a way to run into the arms of God and rest?

Time is ticking.

Life is moving along.

Can you feel it slipping away?

I can. 

It moves faster since cancer.

Major things are small.  Small things are smaller still.

Life is going too fast to waste it on things that do not matter…small things.

Even major things. 

Only important things take a front seat.

How to tell what is important is the tricky part.

God knows.  I do not. 

He will tell me if I ask.

He will show me if I rest and wait.

I am waiting…

We had a group of kids over Friday night.  It was Good Friday so we watched a part of The Passion of Christ.  It was a reminder of all that Jesus did for us.  Our emphasis of the bible study portion of the night was the anguish that Jesus experienced in the garden. It made me think. (surprise, surprise)  I guess I have always thought that the drops of blood he sweat came from knowing that death was coming, and I do believe that this was part of the reason.  However, it also came to me that his wrestling in the garden was his knowing that he would be separated from his Father.  He knew what this meant; pain and heartache…taking on evil without his Father. 

If you follow that thought further, you wonder how did he manage to complete this most significant call?  In the movie, the agony is so clearly portrayed.  The temptation to stand down and come back another time in history must have been overwhelming.  Yet he prays, “Not my will but yours.”  Amazing grace doesn’t even begin to cover it.  The reason?  How did he hold on to his purpose in those dark days before the resurrection?  He thought of eternity…without you.  He could not stand that thought.  His love for you overcame his human frailty.  His desire for you and me to be reconciled with his father; to know the overwhelming compassion of God, strengthened him.

They are a team really, Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  The Father gives the burden, the Son bears it, the Holy Spirit empowers him to withstand it.  All for you.  All for me.  A heavenly trio, that longs to be intimately involved in our lives.  It was the plan all along. Celebrating the resurrection on Easter is a party of power.  We rejoice in the empty tomb because we know how much it cost, the drops of blood, the brutal beating, the mocking and torment.  The death that ended all death.  The life that begins all life.  Celebrate life this Easter.  Glorify the one that gives it to you.  Breathe it in deep and long.  Most of all thank him for it because he did it for you.

God is so good.  He protects us and our children.  This weekend Aaron wrecked his car.  It seems that it was very foggy and he came up upon a sharp 90 degree turn before he realized it.  He hit the brakes and spun right off the road.  His girlfriend Laura was in the car with him.  They climbed out and walked to the nearest house to call us because there was no cell service in the area.  The couple that lived in that house were wonderful Godly people that cared for the kids as if they were their own.  When we got to the hospital, there was a doctor that used to go to White County High school and was good with the kids as they were examined and x-rayed.  As much as I was freaked out, there was still a peace that surrounded the whole traumatic event.  In the end, there were no broken bones, just bruises and scrapes.  The car will most likely be totalled, but the kids are alive so I am grateful today.  Relieved that even when I am not with my kids, God is watching them and taking care of them. 

My results are in and I am clear!  That is a great thing for me.  I will get more details when I go to the doctor later...but for now they say all looks well.  My oncologist and my urologist agree on the results.  Now to pray that we will find what is causing these crazy urinary tract infections.  The urologist wanted to see the CT because he was looking for something specific...he didn't find it.  That is good because if he had it would have meant surgery...however, since it is not a tear we have no idea what is causing the continual infections.  They have gotten a little more spread out so maybe it is just taking my body time to get over everything that has hit it the past year.  We will see and keep looking.  In the meantime, celebrate life!!!  Cancer free living!

I had a tiring day yesterday.  Worked all day, then off to the hospital for a CT scan.  My appointment was at 5:30 and I left the hospital at about 8:30.  Long day.  This is my yearly one…just to make sure there are no changes.  I am feeling good so I am not worried on the surface.  However, down deep I know it is eating at my mind.  I know that there is a word more scary than cancer…it is recurrence.   I do not know when I will have the results.  My doctors appointment isn’t until the 24^th.  That is a long wait…but I also know from experience that if it is bad they call you. 

The procedure itself went well.  Only one stick, and though it was a big one, it went pretty well.  What I didn’t expect was my reaction to this procedure.  I have had a couple of these now and I know what it is like.  I told Bill not to come because I would be fine.  It seemed crazy to me to have him miss class for this.  For the first hour and ½ I was right.  I drank my dye and read magazines, completely uneventful.  It was when the needle was going in that I had a problem.  Not my usual needle issue, but more like a traumatic flashback or something.  Kind of a panic rising up. Like the whole cancer thing and all I have been through was right there on the surface.  I had to close my eyes and really concentrate to not fall completely apart.  Then God…I love it…then God reminded me of my secret place with him. I am not alone, even when I am alone. It was a sweet moment. I was able to rest, even as the hot dye was running through me.  It didn’t take but a few minutes for the test to be over but the lesson was learned.  He is there, yet again, because he will never leave or forsake me.  Now to remember while I wait…

I have heard you can tell a lot about someone from their medicine cabinet.  It is true!  Today I took on the purge of my medicine CLOSET.  Our bathroom closet is the landing place for any and all medication except for our everyday use items that are in the kitchen.  I have been wanting to get into that closet for a long time now and get it straight.  Today was the day.  My kids are gone for the weekend, Bill has a ton of homework for school, so I decided to take advantage of my time and purge.  I emptied it first…just that took 30 minutes.  The junk and mess was embarrassing.  Lets just say I am glad I was alone. 

However, as I began to take a better look, something strange happened.  I walked, step by step through my cancer.  First, I came across the bag of supplies for the wound-vac.  Tossed most of them happily.  Next, was the pain medication and my anxiety pills.  A little later a bottle of nausea medicine.  My scar cream, all the different types of tape we tried, then the estrogen patches, pills and creams.  Gauze, alcohol wipes, stuff to numb my port, step by step a journey through my closet was a journey through my sickness. The insulin I needed after chemo and all the syringes, medicine for chemo induced heartburn, mouthwash for chemo induced mouth sores. Antibiotics for infections. Vitamins to help hair grow, and herbal cream and shampoos for the same.

The good news is that even though it hit me hard how difficult it all was, and how much my body actually went through, I was purging and tossing and cleaning out all remnants of my cancer. Today, I must say, was the best Saturday I have had in a while.  I am clean and cancer free.  Now, so is my closet!

We stand at the foot of a mountian or at the top of a ravine.  We shout..."Hello!"  We wait.  At first there is nothing, only silence, then comes the echo.  Hello, hello, hello.  It reverberates against what stands in front of us.  Sound waves bouncing and returning to their source.  It is a child's dream to shout at the mountain just to hear the return of his/her voice rushing back in sounds that repeat the message sent.  It is a scientific phenomenon to be sure, but in the moment it is sent, that fact escapes the voice of the sender of the message.  In the canyon the message sent brings words rushing to the hearer. 
Now think of God's words shouted...I Love You!  Can it reverberate?  What stands in his way?  Not mountains or valleys...only our hearts.  And his message is sent and there is silence while he waits for our response.  Will his message return to him in  many voices?  Will he hear it?  I love you, I love you, I love you. the voice of the sender returning to his ears. 
Then will we shout his message so that the voices can be many?  Can we share his message so that it echoes to all the hearts around us.  He loves you, he loves you, he loves you.  It is an echo, a message...a scientific principle?  I think not, it is a spiritual principle that is set in action by his voice.

I know a man named Frank.  I say this sentence in present tense because even though Frank’s body died on Monday he is still alive.  I cannot tell you how this man encouraged me during my journey through Cancerland.  Having ALS for years, he has been acquainted with the fact that bodily death comes to every man.  His body has been giving way to it for a long time.  However, his spirit did not.  While his physical body was dying, his spirit was growing.  His love for God is evident to all that know him.  His desire to be with Jesus rules his days.  And now, he is there, where he has dreamed of going so many times. 

Frank loves to worship.  The disease stole the ability to play an instrument, but instead of hindering him, it inspired Frank to find new ways to worship.  For me, he made CD’s of Christian songs for me to listen to while undergoing chemo.  The songs were full of messages of hope and faith.  He knew the toll facing death can take on your mind and he selected the perfect songs to sooth my heart and bring peace.  Each CD was different from the last and each one was perfect for the place I was in my journey.  It is a gift really to help people walk through illness when you know the chances are slim that you will survive yours.  I told Frank to tell Jesus I love him if he got to heaven before me and to dance for me.  Years in a wheelchair without bodily functions that most of us take for granted softened his heart. He is a gentle man whose eyes sparkle with mischief.  Humor flowed frequently and easily from his mouth, an inspiration that God is bigger than any disease. His powerpoint slide presentations inspire with their pictures set to music. An encourager to the end, he always looked up.

I know that he is dancing now.  His arms are free to worship again and that has got to be the most liberating experience.  I am sad that Frank is not here on this planet any longer. I will miss his e-mails of kindness.  There will be one less daily visitor to my blog, and as that number pops up each day I will know that the one less is Frank.  However, the grace that he moved in here, he now LIVES in there.  What a celebration!  His funeral will be evidence of this truth I am sure.  He has had months to plan exactly what he wants…I am sure it will include music, power points and humor…he would have it no other way.  Most of all he will glorify God…both with his physical departure and his spiritual arrival.  His is smiling even now in his new freedom from this body of death.  Frank is a blessing, he always will be.