Last weekend, I arrived at Amicalola Falls at sunset.  The view from the lodge was breathtaking.  Dusty Blue Mountains outlined in glowing pink rolled like ocean waves.  I was struck by the difference between the mountain and the valley below.  My cabin sits in a forest next to a bubbling creek. It is quiet except for the gurgling of the water.  The mountain top is inspiring, the valley is refreshing.  On the top the view is so clear you can see into forever.  In the valley view is limited to what is right in front of you. 

In the morning, it is dark in the valley as the sun creeps up to the top of the mountain.  The mountains blush in the dawn light.  The wind whips the trees and brings a haunting song.  The valley is tucked away.  No light. No song…just the continued rushing of the creek, rolling steadily along.  On the mountain there is an echo as sound rushes out to greet the day and return back to say good morning.  In the valley, it is silent.

Life is full of mountains and valleys.  We can see the future and all looks bright when we are on the mountain.  Faith is close to the surface as it bubbles up in inspirational thoughts. The wind of the Holy Spirit is blowing and singing to us.  We can hear the song and following it seems as natural as breathing.  The Son shines in our hearts and those around us can see him clearly.  God is faithful and all is well.

Then the high of the mountain top gives way to the depth of the valley.  It is dark here.  There is no voice of the wind to guide us.  We cannot see more than a few feet in front of us.  We have to take stock of how limited our vision is when we are here.  It can be a restful place if we let it.  No faith just bubbling up here… here you have to seek out inspiration.  The consistent roll of the water reminds us that God is faithful even when we cannot see the Son directly.  The echo of good morning does not find its way to our ears, but we know it is a good morning anyway. 

We go to the valley to learn how valuable the mountain is.  We go to the mountain to appreciate the valley.  Life is made up of both.  When you are in one or the other, lessons come that make us take stock of how God uses both.  It is my prayer that you will embrace the valleys in your life, so that the mountain tops will cause you to soar.

I am inspired.  I went to a writer's workshop this past weekend. There were ten of us working with a wonderful author/mentor.  It was great to be with people that have a love for words and especially children's literature.  I haven't written children's stories in a while.  My blog has been my journal through my sickness and all other went on the back burner.  Not any more.  My first love was children's picture books.  I do not plan to limit myself to one type of writing or another.  This weekend we each started with a small idea for a character and, with the help of our fearless leader, developed a complete story.  It was amazing to watch the creative process going on in 10 different brains.  We shared our stories and developed trust.  It was a FANTASTIC experience.  I am still revising my story with the help of my new friends.  If I could just finish this degree I could really have some time to write!  Actually, all joking aside, the process we developed at this workshop is helping me with my research as well. 
I will fill you in on more later, the day after I got back Peter broke his arm, and William has a terrible cold turned infection.  A few days away and the world falls apart.  I had my diabetes doctor appointment today and my blood work was fabulous!  A1C 5.4  She couldn't have been happier with the blood results.  However, my weight is up and my blood pressure too.  Not extreme...I say it is from sitting in doctors offices all day.  I am going to try a different medicine to see if that will help.  She seems to think that the weight gain is a post menopausal thing.  She said she couldn't complain because my blood looked so good.  Another relief...

Have you ever had a day when your world fell apart?  I have had several of those over my lifetime.  I think that they are common to the human condition.  It is what you do in those heartbroken moments that define how the trauma will change you.  I have a friend going through some very rough stuff right now.  The rug has been pulled out from under her and everything she has known is being shaken.  Her determination to let God have his way is admirable.  She is on her face broken before him.

I believe the word when it says God draws near to the brokenhearted.  It has been proven true over and over again in my life.  He uses our brokenness to heal us.  This is another of his wonderful dichotomies. He sees a much bigger picture than we do.  To him the discomfort we experience is momentary.  To us, however, it seems like forever.  When relationships are broken, and the tension is high, we run into his arms for safety and comfort.  It is much like a parent when a child falls and skins a knee.  There is a connection when we know that a parent is there to pick up the pieces and kiss the boo boos.  Boo boos happen. Comfort flows.  God wants us to run to him in dark times.  He wants to hold us and say it will be all right.  It is his secret place where nothing matters but the love of a father for his child.

There is a scripture in Hebrews that I have turned to many times in my life for comfort.  I know that most would not consider this fiery prophesy comforting, but I see it as a statement of God’s faithfulness and his hand even in life shattering events.  See what you think…12:26 “At that time his voice shook the earth but now he has promised ‘Once more I will shake not only the Earth but also the heavens.’  The words once more indicate the removing of what can be shaken-that is created things-so that what cannot be shaken may remain.  Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be THANKFUL and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire.” 
     God shakes things!  A calamity like cancer, or wayward children or a broken relationship is not a surprise, but a tool used of God to remove what needs to be removed.  Wonder of wonders…what is left is the solid foundation of Jesus on which everything else rests.  Priorities come into focus.  Mindsets shift.  We begin to think eternally rather than temporal.  When we reach this place, we thank God for the fire.  It is a cleansing fire, consuming all that is chaff.  Does the fire hurt?  You bet.  Is the shaking scary?  More than you can imagine.  Is the result sure?  Nope.  The only sure thing is that if you let him, God will turn what is meant for evil to good…if you let him.  He is in control.  We are not.  That is the rub of this whole thing.  We want to know the end of the story.  He loves a mystery. One foot at a time.  Step. Step. Step.  One day, one hour, one moment at a time.  These heart wrenching life circumstances force us to live moment to moment.  Breath to breath. 

We can trust him and lay it all down, or we can wrestle.  There is peace when we sacrifice control.  Rest, wait.  It is he who does the work in us.  As a speaker at our church said last week, “Apple trees do not grunt and groan to make apples.”  It is true, when we abide in him during a dark time, he does the pruning, the feeding, and the watering.  It is he that grows the fruit.  We cannot rush it or slow it down.  His timing is perfect.  All we can do is sit, in the quiet place while he does his work on our hearts.  It is freeing to release the striving of life and rest. It is not our job to fix everything, and every person in the world.  We were created to worship him and to bring him glory.  (Our top priority) He is our audience of one.  Our father that runs to kiss our boo boo and make it right is the healer longs to touch us and make us whole.  Will we let him?  Can you trust him to bring peace in the fire?   

I remember when I was little that my mom had these friends that would come to our house.  She called it the “bridge club”, but over all the years I only remember them playing bridge one time.  I am sure they played more than that, however, in my memory I do not think that card playing was the point of the gathering.  It was more of a support group, ladies that walked arm in arm through life. Over the years the group changed.  Some ladies moved away, others joined the group.  There were tears and laughter as they helped bare one another’s burdens. Raising children from childhood through adolescence to adulthood and beyond, this group bonded together to cheer each other on. 

I have a group of women like that now.  My own “bridge club,” only we call it a prayer group.  It is the same thing.  We meet when we can, but that is not often enough.  Praying together is only part of our bond.  Our children are teenagers now so much of our time together is venting and seeking advice and guidance from each other.  We rejoice together and weep together.  It is like the scripture describes within the body…we feel each others needs and come together to lift them up to the Lord.

God has blessed me with friends that care about me.  They carried me through my cancer on their prayers.  Now there are family issues that are surfacing within the group.  I plan to carry them as well.  Fellowship with like minded women is a true treasure.  God could have said, “I am all you need” and it would have been a true statement.  We could survive, and even thrive if all we had was Jesus.  However, he created us to fellowship with him, but with others as well.  He knew we would need other women in our lives.  He reveals so much of his nurturing nature through the heart of women.  We may have our weaknesses, but women also have captured the ear of God.  He has a special place in his heart for us, and he hears our prayers.  He sees our pains and our insecurities, because of this he gave us each other so we could remind each other to look to him for answers.  We carry our friends to his feet when they cannot carry themselves.  Friends are a blessing to wonderful to comprehend. So when you see your friends today remember God’s provision for fellowship and encouragement…friendship.

The phone on the wall in the kitchen gave a shrill ring.  I walked from the living room, leaving my tutoring student, to answer its cry.   

“Hello?” I answered.

“This is North Fulton Medical Center calling.  Are you related to Ray Gunnin?”

“Yes,” I replied, “I am his wife.”  I do not know why I said that.  To me my husband has always been Bill and his father is Ray, but for some reason, on that day, I knew the voice was talking about my husband.

“Ray has been in an accident,” the calm voice continued.

“What is his condition?” I wanted to know. Not a very smart question when the hospital calls instead of your loved one.

“He is non-responsive. The neurosurgeon is on the way.”

My knees buckled under me as my world changed.  Tears came to the surface quickly as I tried to keep breathing.

“Mrs. Gunnin are you there?”

“Yes.  I…I am….” I said from my crouched position on the floor.

“Good.  Do you have someone there to drive you?”

“No.  I have a tutoring student here and her mom will be back some time…later I think.” I fumbled for words through my tears.

“Mrs. Gunnin stay on the line with me until you calm down.  Take some deep breaths.  It will not do your husband any good if you wreck on the way to the hospital because you couldn’t see.”   I sat on the floor, and the little girl in the next room came in now eyes wide, knowing something was terribly wrong.  She remained fixed in one spot. Silent, just watching.

This was the beginning of my day 20 years ago.  It did not get better as the day progressed.  In fact, it got much worse.  The accident turned our lives upside down.  It was catastrophic.   Now, looking back I am so thankful for God’s faithfulness.  He brought us through.  He healed and restored.  We still mark this day each year.  A day of remembrance we call it.  Today it was breakfast out as a family.  The kids put aside their schedules for an hour to honor their dad.

I am thinking that we should have more remembrances in our lives.  Not just the catastrophic ones, like head injuries and cancer. What about the beginning of a new day?  Or the memory of a warm family gathering?  We could remember God’s faithfulness on payday.  We could stop right now and think of all of his blessings to us. We do not have to wait for some anniversary to remember. We do not have to wait for Thanksgiving or Christmas to do this…in fact it might be less stressful to do it today…an ordinary day. Daddy’s Alive Day. 

What a week.  The snow last week and then again on the weekend messed up a regular schedule.  I seemed to be on the wrong day all week.  I could get used to working three days a week and then being off!  It was nice to curl up in front of the fire and read.  I also got a lot of research done...yuck.  But I am caught up to some degree.  Next week my big literature review is due and that will be a relief to have over with.  It is keeping me from my real writing here.

This morning I came over the top of the hill at my school, the mountains were lined with glowing red that spread into pinks and purples as the sun came up.  Blue hills stand there each morning to welcome me to work.  Mist, fog, or snow...the mountains are there.  I love it!  It is like a surprise that awaits me every day.  I am so grateful to God that I have such a glorious reminder of his faithfulness.  I do not always notice because my mind is occupied with the worries of the day.  I forget about all that he has done for me as I "get on with life."  It is a sad thing how humans can be so pre-occupied that we miss God's daily love letters to us.  I think he must write many of them each day just trying to get our attention.  Like when a husband sends flowers to his wife, he longs to show us his love.  We just need to open our eyes.  Today's sunrise was too spectacular to ignore and my heart overflowed with the way he loves me with complete abandon.  I want to love him back with as much passion as I saw in the glowing sunrise.  Whew...what a God we have!

It has come to my attention that my book link on an earlier blog does not actually take you to my book.  After a number of questions on the issue, I wanted to post the steps to get there for you. 

Go to blurb.com. 
Click on the bookstore tab. 
Enter 'The Nature of God' in the search window. 
When the book comes up click on the cover to order. 

Hopefully that will get you there. It is about $45.  I know that is a bit high, but it is considered a coffee table book because of the quality photos.   If you cannot find it let me know and I will try another way.  All the little short cuts I have tried have not worked on this blog site....so I guess everyone will just have to navigate their way to it by following the steps I just listed.  Happy reading!

I do not know if you have seen the movie or not.  It is Jack Nicolson, and Morgan Freeman.  I knew a little about it before we went to see it.  Two older men that had a few months to live go on a trip around the world.  I do not usually like Jack Nicolson…he is a great actor, but his characters are usually arrogant and crude.  I hadn’t planned to see this movie.  But the word at school was that it was a wonderful one…not to miss, so we went.  I have to say it was a heart wrenching, tear jerker for me.  The reason was that their characters had cancer. The shaving of the hair was a bit too familiar.  There was a small of chemo footage that brought back some memories that caused my tears to flow early.  In the movie their reactions to the chemo were worse than mine (brain cancer is much more aggressive treatment than what I had), but the chills and the groaning from bone pain were all too real to me.

 Before you get the idea that it was all about cancer, let me assure you that section was brief.  Just long enough for you to connect with the reality of the disease.  Without giving away the whole movie I will say that they began their journey to live fully.  Priorities were changed as they moved through the list of things they wanted to do before “kicking the bucket.”  It was funny, and somber, and made me think about how grateful I am to have a new perspective on life. 

The people in the theatre were moved as well and you could hear the tears all around.  However, when it was over I noticed that most people just hopped right up and moved on quickly.  I, on the other hand, did not.  I was taken by the closeness of possibility.  I have lived, though on a much smaller scale, what this movie was about.  It was hard to just act like all was well for me when it was over.  Not because of the sadness but because of the grief that other people did not stop to consider the whole point of the movie, which was how are you living your life?  What are your priorities and what is really important?  The movie was a reminder that life is short and that we should stop for a moment and consider that fact.  Overall, I would highly recommend this movie.  It was moving but not so much that it was depressing.  There was a great deal of humor that needs to be seen.  Laughing in the midst of illness and the fact that life should be fun no matter what your circumstances were two of the themes of the movie.  I didn’t really intend to write a movie review but I as read over this that appears to be what I have done…thumbs up…do not miss this one.

What a glorious day.  Do not ever let anyone tell you that teachers don't enjoy a day off more than the kids.  It was so nice to sleep in and enjoy my kids in the snow.  We had a late breakfast, then headed out to war.  We sledded, kind of, not too much more than slush so it was slow going.  We ambushed one another.  Bill and the older boys took on Peter, Hannah and me.  No one won, but we all got wet and worked up a sweat. 
I needed to be doing research, but couldn't bring myself to do it.  After all, if I am living life fully that means spending time that God sends with my husband and kids.  It was a family day and with no deadlines or places to be, and it was relaxing.  God knew that I needed this kind of day.  My thesis work is heating up in grad school so I am enjoying every moment to rest and relax and even procrastinate. 
I always love the quiet mornings of a white blanket over everything, so crisp and clean.  The dirt and mud are hidden by the pure white covering.  It reminds me of Gods grace and how it completely covers... no, removes the dirt and junk.  The hymns talk of being washed whiter than snow and on mornings like this I think I can gain a deeper understanding of what that really is like.  Then suddenly there are voices and giggles and laughter, without a care in the world except creating the perfect snowball.  Running, sliding, and throwing are the order of the day.  All regular activities are suspended, and fun is wrapped in cold white snowballs.  Another glimpse into our lives with God.  We should take a lesson from snow days.  Playing and enjoying Gods grace.  Rolling in it.  Sharing it with each other and frolicking as children in the snow.

This weekend had been a long one.  We took a trip to Charlotte, only this time we left early on Friday to stop by Furman on the way.  We are beginning the school search for Aaron.  Having Hannah and Aaron leave in two years time is like a one two punch.  Where Hannah has known for a long time where she wanted to go, Aaron has no clue.  And he is the analytical one so he will need a great deal of data before he is willing to decide.  We have already started looking.  He really liked Furman and is not willing to cross it off his list just yet.  After Furman we took a trip to UNC Charlotte, and it is already off the list.  He did not like the feel of the big campus.  We met up with Hannah and William when we visited some friends for dinner as a nice end to a long day.  Saturday we went to our doctors office and sat for most of the day.  Then we waited in a pharmacy line forever!!  Bill was driving Hannah's car on the way home when it had a flat tire. Since I was a few minutes ahead of him he called to tell me but didn't feel he needed me to come back.  He quickly got the tire changed and let me know he was on the road again.  Just as I was crossing into SC he called again to say that the spare had gone flat!  I had to turn around and go back almost to Charlotte to pick them up.  We had to find a place to get a tire (Thank God for Walmart) and someone to fix it.  By the time all of that was done it was dinner time and all the resturants in the town we were in had lines out the doors.  We were tired, grummy and hungry...I refused more fast food.  So we finally found a Golden Corral and ate dinner.  Much more chipper we drove home arriving around 12:30 am.  As I said it was a long weekend.  It was helpful in the college search however, and in the fact that both Hannah and Aaron got practice at changing a tire :)   Silver lining....