I am watching God move.  At church today there was a sweet spirit of worship that flowed.  I was ushered into the Holy place through the music today.  What bliss it is! 

I am also fresh from a trip to see colleges with Aaron. And Hannah just returned from a Passion worship conference in Atlanta .  To see my kids seeking God about their own future is humbling.  I am amazed at their thought processes and how they hear God.  I have prayed for years that they would have their own relationship with him.  And that he would lead and guide them to his purpose for their lives. 

Now I am watching them do it.  For some reason I always thought I would be the one to carry them.  I guess it is a mom thing.  But here they are stepping away from my arms and into his.  Sad?  Yes.  Hannah came to my office today with her cap and gown on.  My tears flowed.  We went and bought her prom dress today, a fun mother-daughter shopping afternoon.  I am grabbing the minutes with her as they try to escape.  Exciting?  Yes.  Discussion of possible careers and colleges is like the beginning of a life adventure.  Each step is a hidden piece of the puzzle that is living with purpose and abandon.  Living fully.  It is a great season of their lives and mine to begin to release the chicks from the nest.  A new season, that for me, will be gradual…thank God.  My friends with onlys are wrestling harder than I at this moment.  Yet we all know that God is bigger than our fears and our empty houses.  He is good.  There is a sweetness in these days; a holy happiness in the midst of the grief.  It is an unusual place to be sure; a place that leads us to our knees once again.  We have grown comfortable in our prayers for them since the babies came to us.  We know the feeling of releasing them at the Lords feet to be sure, but now we are releasing them out the door; a whole new sense of trusting God with their very lives.  This new place is one I have not looked forward to, but now is upon me…like it or not.  Gracefully I will embrace the pain of it and allow the Lord to do his work.  Gracefully, I will relinquish them to his care with my prayers and tears.  I will always be their mom and for that I am forever grateful!

God has been speaking in our household lately and to friends as well.  He is saying, "Be true to who you are."  However, when he says to be true, sometimes it means you have to step out of your comfort zone.  I mean, I like to be comfortable.  No waves, no wrinkles in my life.  Smooth sailing.  It is what I want, yet God does not allow that very often.  Sometimes I feel as if I am in the midst of a choppy sea just trying to keep the boat from capsizing.  If my head is above water I feel I have accomplished something great! 
Yet God says in the midst of the storm, be it cancer or stress, stay true. True to who you are.  True to my plan for your life.  In the honesty of being true, your faith becomes more than words, it becomes reality.  Waiting, resting, standing, stepping out...all are part of the plan.  The trick is knowing when to do which one.  Of course, if we listen to his voice he will tell us.  It is listening amid the voices around you that is difficult.  That is why we have to cultivate our relationship with him; so we will recognize his voice.  We have all heard that a shepherd carries a lamb on his shoulders so it will learn to know his voice.  He has carried me through some rough times, and I know his voice. 
Now my children are learning to listen for him.  They are beginning to know that being true to who you are is actually a way to honor him.  Learning to have confidence in his ability to lead is a lifelong process.  Knowing that he is the one that will do the work is a hard one to remember on a daily basis. 
He is the giver of passion.  He is the giver of vision and inspiration.  Each of us has a different call, yet he made us all.  Stay true, resist the pressure to give up.  Stay true, do not let go.  Stay true...step out....

We celebrated the return of Hannah and Aaron yesterday with fried chicken, mashed potatoes, fried okra, and sweet tea.  You cannot say my kids were not raised in the south!  It has become a tradition...it is the return meal.  Of course I do not fry anything, so we pick it up and bring it home from a place here in town. 
They made it home safely, at 2:30 in the morning.  They slept in because they did not have to present at church until the evening service.  Hannah was kind of sick while she was there so she didn't have the time she usually does.  She worked, but then towards the end of the week was having stomach pain, kind of a nausea.  Then on the plane on the way home she picked up a cold.  So she mainly wanted to sleep.
Aaron on the other hand, was excited.  While he was there he felt that God called him to ministry...maybe even missions.  He is unclear as to what exactly that means, but he was in bed when he felt God impress upon his heart to look up Isaiah 6.  In that chapter the verse that jumped off the page at him was "Who will I send?"  "Here I am send me."  He said that as he accepted this that the burden he has been carrying about what to do with his life was lifted.  He still does not know exactly how this will look but he is relieved to have a direction.
They both shared at the evening service and I was very proud of them.  Hannah told how she got to share her testimony at a service and how cool that was.  This year they were building a church in a place that already has a congregation...usually there are a few people but this was already a church.  So when she shared there was a good size audience.  It was BEFORE they built the building.  People came and sat on the foundation for a service.  She said it was neat to see all of those people sitting under the stars.  She also shared how each brick is like a piece of the puzzle, of finding how we all fit together no matter what language we speak or what country we are from.
Aaron of course shared his call, but also how God used the people there because of their fire for him.  There is a different atmosphere there that is completely different than here he said.  When they had their dedication service there was standing room only and people were outside at the windows crowding around to here.  Many on our team had not seen that kind of spiritual hunger before.  It was a great encouragement and also convicted them that we are so complacent here.  They were grateful for what we have in a new way.  Cool!
All in all they had a wonderful trip.  Both feel closer to God and to the team that went.  They have a bigger world view which is always exciting.  Thank you for your prayers!

As I write this two of my children are in the air back to the States.  They left Brazil at 3:00 am and flew for 2 hours to San Paulo then boarded another plane for Miami.  As far as I know they are on schedule and should be home around 12:00 am then onto buses to bring them to the Mountians...  I can't wait for them to arrive.  I will write more once I talk to them about their trip.

The latest report from Hannah was that everyone has their luggage now but Harriett our music ministers wife.  So that is a relief.  The extra clothes they took to donate never were lost so that is good.  It rained yesterday morning so the work started off slowly, but things cleared up so they still got alot done.  She was excited that at the church service the night before 3 people came to know the Lord.  She was also excited that as part of that service she got to share her testimony.    I haven't heard today how things are going...that makes me think they are well...she usually calls when something isn't smooth.  I will update tomorrow if I hear something more.  Keep praying for the Lord to work...

     Hannah called today.  It seems that everything did not go as smoothly as I thought with the trip down.  One man on our team did not make the connecting flight in Miami.  He took a different flight because he had frequent flyer miles.  Once he booked another flight to San Paulo they checked his Visa and it turns out it wasn't valid.  (He was supposed to go on last years trip but had to cancel because his wife was expecting and started having complications.  Therefore his five year visa had never been activated.)  Fortunately, they discovered this BEFORE he flew to Brazil, so he just went home. 
     The next thing I did not hear yesterday was that much of the luggage was lost.  It was not supposed to be a big deal...evidently it went to Rio...anyway they were supposed to get it today.  When they went to pick it up only 2 of the bags made it and the airport said they do not know where the others ended up.  It appears that they will not be getting their luggage at all.  So today the majority of the group went shopping to buy clothes to wear.  Both Hannah and Aaron have their bags and are sharing toiletries etc...  I am not sure if the extra bags of clothes to give to the children were lost or not...I forgot to ask. 
     Also the bricks had not been delivered to the worksite because of the weather the last few days...it is the end of the rainy season.  Hannah said that the men got most of the roof up anyway so that when the bricks arrive tomorrow they will have more workers to lay them.  She said it is very hot and more humid than she has ever felt before, but at least it is cloudy.  All of you prayer warriors please pray that the luggage will be found, and that the building will be able to be completed on time.  She seems to think that this is the most mishaps they have ever had.  I would have thought the air traffic controller strike last year during a heavy fog would have been pretty high on the list, but according to her this is the most frustrating.  However, I know a God that is bigger than the loss of luggage and the delays of weather.  It is a sure sign that they are supposed to be there if the enemy keeps trying to block it!

Two of my four children have arrived in Brazil safely.  The other two are here at home with us.  This year's trip was not as eventful as last years.  If you will remember, last year there was a air traffic controllers strike and heavy fog.  Quite an adventure and much prayer was needed to get them there.  This year the Delta inspections threatened to hold them up, however, their flight was not one of the planes held back.  Please pray that things would continue to go smoothly and that this would be a life changing experience for all those involved.

 

What do you do when you cannot breathe?

How can you escape pressure that is all around you?

Is there a way to run into the arms of God and rest?

Time is ticking.

Life is moving along.

Can you feel it slipping away?

I can. 

It moves faster since cancer.

Major things are small.  Small things are smaller still.

Life is going too fast to waste it on things that do not matter…small things.

Even major things. 

Only important things take a front seat.

How to tell what is important is the tricky part.

God knows.  I do not. 

He will tell me if I ask.

He will show me if I rest and wait.

I am waiting…

We had a group of kids over Friday night.  It was Good Friday so we watched a part of The Passion of Christ.  It was a reminder of all that Jesus did for us.  Our emphasis of the bible study portion of the night was the anguish that Jesus experienced in the garden. It made me think. (surprise, surprise)  I guess I have always thought that the drops of blood he sweat came from knowing that death was coming, and I do believe that this was part of the reason.  However, it also came to me that his wrestling in the garden was his knowing that he would be separated from his Father.  He knew what this meant; pain and heartache…taking on evil without his Father. 

If you follow that thought further, you wonder how did he manage to complete this most significant call?  In the movie, the agony is so clearly portrayed.  The temptation to stand down and come back another time in history must have been overwhelming.  Yet he prays, “Not my will but yours.”  Amazing grace doesn’t even begin to cover it.  The reason?  How did he hold on to his purpose in those dark days before the resurrection?  He thought of eternity…without you.  He could not stand that thought.  His love for you overcame his human frailty.  His desire for you and me to be reconciled with his father; to know the overwhelming compassion of God, strengthened him.

They are a team really, Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  The Father gives the burden, the Son bears it, the Holy Spirit empowers him to withstand it.  All for you.  All for me.  A heavenly trio, that longs to be intimately involved in our lives.  It was the plan all along. Celebrating the resurrection on Easter is a party of power.  We rejoice in the empty tomb because we know how much it cost, the drops of blood, the brutal beating, the mocking and torment.  The death that ended all death.  The life that begins all life.  Celebrate life this Easter.  Glorify the one that gives it to you.  Breathe it in deep and long.  Most of all thank him for it because he did it for you.

God is so good.  He protects us and our children.  This weekend Aaron wrecked his car.  It seems that it was very foggy and he came up upon a sharp 90 degree turn before he realized it.  He hit the brakes and spun right off the road.  His girlfriend Laura was in the car with him.  They climbed out and walked to the nearest house to call us because there was no cell service in the area.  The couple that lived in that house were wonderful Godly people that cared for the kids as if they were their own.  When we got to the hospital, there was a doctor that used to go to White County High school and was good with the kids as they were examined and x-rayed.  As much as I was freaked out, there was still a peace that surrounded the whole traumatic event.  In the end, there were no broken bones, just bruises and scrapes.  The car will most likely be totalled, but the kids are alive so I am grateful today.  Relieved that even when I am not with my kids, God is watching them and taking care of them.