I was asked to give a testimony today at church. Many of you have asked for me to post it…so here it is…
In my forty-five years, I have learned that life is full of complications. Up until a certain age, it didn’t look that hard to me. Then as a new bride, I received a call from the ER, saying my husband was in a coma. It was a dark day. I felt stunned and scared, but God whispered, “You are not alone.” When Bill threw his food at me when I was feeding him, it was a dark day. I felt sad and angry, but God said, “Hold on to me, I am your rock.” When Bill didn’t remember how to play the piano I was grieved, but God said, “I am the healer watch me my daughter…watch what I will do.” Dark days turned into dark months, but God had a secret place in the darkness. He whispered in my ear each and every day because his Holy Spirit is the comforter.
Many months later, I was in the ER losing our first child. It was a dark day. I felt abandoned, but God whispered, “I will never leave you or forsake you.” I felt empty but God said, “I will fill you. Come to the secret place and let me sing over you” and I did.
Three years ago, the doctor said, “you have cancer.” My breath left me and tears flowed. It was a dark day. I felt terrified, then God whispered, “Even when you do not know the outcome…trust me.” In a dressing room, weeping with no hair, no eyebrows, no energy, and a hole in my gut, it was one of many dark days. I was in anguish and I felt ugly, but God said, “you are beautiful my precious one.” In the secret place, I believed him.
Last year, fire trucks rolled up to our burning house. It was a dark day. I felt violated by the flames, water and smoke, but God said, “It is only stuff.” Digging through the rubble with toxic fumes clawing my throat and eyes, I felt…grateful to be alive, to have my family, and to know my God. In the quiet place God said, “Your security is in my love for you.”
I have found that in life’s complications, there is darkness, but it is in the darkness that God speaks his life changing secrets to my heart. It is here he teaches me what matters for eternity and what does not. Among our confusion, anger, fear and sadness is a quiet place where he whispers his truths. My question is can you hear him?
Oh Father, we are humbled that during the complexities of our lives that you love us enough to speak your words of truth. We are grateful that in our days of darkness you show us what is important and what is not, and that you whisper in our ears.
Jesus, we worship you, because the walk up Golgotha’s hill was a dark day. You felt alone and afraid, and God… was silent. You endured his silence so that we would not have to. We are in awe of a love that powerful.
Holy Spirit, draw us now to the quiet secret place and open our ears to hear what the father is speaking. Help us to respond as if he is the only one that matters. Amen.