Here I am with all the pain that I can stand, actually more than I can stand.  I am wondering at the purpose of this kind of pain in my journey.  To me it seems torture but I am trying to look beyond that most surface level. If you have read my writing at all you know that I see spiritual principles in natural events, like a metaphor.  I am looking at this wound and how it broke open and must now heal from the inside out and I am seeing a broader principle in action.  If we have a wounded heart, (I believe that we all do whether it is our emotional, physical or spiritual heart) what can this pain of mine teach.

        First of all, ignoring it is impossible.  You and I have both known people (and possibly been people) that have tried to ignore the gaping hole in their hearts.  The world doesn’t realize how much that kind of wound shows and how serious it is. It doesn’t matter if it is a lack of salvation or some life trauma, the wound shows even when we don’t think it does. 

        Second, a band aid won’t work. It isn’t a surface scratch.  It is deep and therefore significantly affects other areas of life.  We try to work around it but it is useless. Simply covering this open wound is an invitation to infection.  If it gets infected it will fester and affect every part of your body…or in this case your spirit.

        Third, you have to be aware of this wound.  It hurts but will become even bigger if ignored.  This includes emotional wounds as well as spiritual, and usually those two are connected. If it has been ignored for years, when it breaks open it is a surprise.  The urgency becomes obvious as the pain increases.  Everything in your life stops suddenly as you frantically try to attend the problem area.

        Fourth, it has to heal from the inside out.  This is a big one for me.  I cannot simply sew this hole up.  It will not heal properly.  Now that it is open I have to wait and let it heal fully from the inside.  That is true of all kinds of hurts. If pain is deep it has to be healed deep.  To fight that healing is to ask for trouble.  But sometimes, to invite new growth old dead tissue has to be removed.  This is my torture…and so it is with other types of wounds as well. We don’t want to go into the depth and the removal of the junk because that is where the big, really bad pain is.  We want to quit, and avoid it at all costs. I can personally vouch for that.  It is hard to look at past hurts; a bad divorce, childhood abuse, a terrible disease, a death of a loved one, the list goes on and on.   Getting through the trauma or hurt can seem like a slow and painful process but in the end the healing that is gained will be worth it. 

        Christ is familiar with pain.  That is why he is so powerful in our healing process.  He knows every tear I have shed.  He has not abandoned me and he will not. Philippians
3:10 says “I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so somehow, to attain resurrection from the dead.”  I am waiting on the resurrection part of this passage.

        My pain also gives me a huge teary eyed feeling of what the Lord suffered.  I have one nerve exposed and I am at the end.  How much more did he endure for me.  That cannot be understated to me right now.  He suffered more pain that I am in…all for me…because of his love.  I cannot comprehend how much love that must be. If I could take myself out of this healing process I would do it in a heartbeat…but he could take himself out and didn’t.  That speaks volumes to me on this day!

 Once my healing is complete I will have more compassion for others.  I look through new eyes to those around me that are in crisis. I am gaining a new perspective on people that are suffering.  I look at the pictures on TV of the people in the bombings and wonder how they get through it.  What I am going through is in my nice air conditioned house with my supportive friends right along side.  They are blown away in the streets in total chaos. Things could be worse for me.  They can always be worse and it helps to remember that in the darkest moments with the most pain. So even from my chair I am learning and growing and healing.  God is very much in the process and he is softening my heart to form it more like his own.  Now if I can just get through it!


6 thoughts on “Pain

  1. Pain is a complicated issue. It affects so many different facets of our existence. It can be all encompassing human experience and yet it can be so isolating- kind of ironic isn’t it. If there is one lesson that I have learned from the pain in my life is that it has the potential to act as a fire that exposes my hidden and not so hidden characteristics. My pain has proven to be a solitary experience that I am compelled to share with others around me, yet I have only words and tears and emotions to convey those experiences. Sometimes those avenues just won’t translate to other humans and yet other times the very fact that it will not translate has been the path that God used to show me that I am strong in my weakness because Christ lives in me. Still other times I am forced to deal with the realities of my humanity and make hard choices. Pain moves me the fastest into the shelter of the Most High because I have learned that HE has never rejected me or kept me from His shelter when I approach Him in my pain with honesty, transparency and need. I know only a shadow of the physical experience you are encountering but be assured that His shelter is the best and fastest refuge. I will pray you daily into that space.


  2. Awesome Michelle, awesome. Spoken like a woman in pain, in her special chair, looking out a life and her life and her wound. That was a lot after a 3 day marathon of small activities….you go girl.

  3. Kim Jordan, I can totally understand what you are saying. I agree that pain isolates. It seems like so many things that you have to face alone…even when you have tons of people supporting you, it is still only you that must face it and deal. There is a line from a play that I like…”that’s how decisions are made…alone.” It all comes down to me and God. It will be the same for everyone of us and these moments in life that are hard, make it easier for me to make the right choice to run to him. That way, when someday I face him, I will already know him! That will be awesome! Thanks for sharing. It is good to hear your comments and know that pain is universal. 🙂

  4. God gave a song to my son in his hour of “awakening”…he shared it with me…it so touched and moved me that I felt led to share it with others so I’ve learned it and have approached James to let me sing it for the congregation…it’s something that reaches deep…I think you have experienced each of these verses at different times (as many of us who have suffered ) and in reading your latest account I have realized that this song is for you:
    I’m at a loss for words there’s nothing to say
    I sit in sighlence wondering what led me to this place
    How did my heart become so lifeless and cold
    Where did the passion go?

    When all my efforts seem like chasing the wind
    I’ve used up all my strength and there’s nothing left to give
    I’ve lost the feeling and I’m numb to the core
    I can’t fake it anymore

    Here I am, at the end, I’m in need of Resurrection
    Only you can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead
    What I lost to the world
    What seems far beyond Redemption
    You can take the pieces in Your Hand and make me whole again

    You speak and all creation falls to it’s knees
    You raise Your Hand and calm the waves of the raging sea
    You have a way of turning Winter to Spring
    Make something Beautiful out of all this Suffering

    Here I am, once again, I’m in need of Resurrection
    Only You can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead
    What I lost to the world
    What seems far beyond Redemption
    You can take the pieces in Your Hand and make me whole again…..

    He IS your Resurrection Michelle….I so love you

  5. Maria, Thanks Maria. That is a powerful song. There is one playing on the radio these days with a very similar heart by Nicole somebody. You will have to hear it…the chorus is almost the same. Both songs are touching where I am at this moment.

  6. Michelle, it is the same…Nicole Sponberg….I’m going to press James to let me sing it…I think we can all relate to it, don’t you…I’m praying for you today and expecting God to do something Wonderful…somewhere deep in your spirit…

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