I see many of you have checked in today to see about me...I think I am going back to blogging in the evenings...it is easier for me. 

I ran away from home on Saturday...not really, I just was overwhelmed and needed a change of scenery so I went to moms. We had a good visit and a great meal at the Dillard house.  Sunday was another emotional day...I think my patches aren't lasting as long as they are supposed to.  I am tired of being sick and these days that is enough to set me to crying.  My Sunday school class prayed for me and that was a sweet reminder that I am not alone and am being held up in prayer on my weakest days.

Today I went to the doctor and got a good report.  My infection is clearing well.  The culture I endured last week came back and there wasn't enough infection left to grow because I had already been on antibiotics to kill the germs.  That means that the rest of these medicines I am on now are making sure it will be gone even sooner.  My red count is up so my energy is better as well.  This all insures that I will have chemo next Monday.  That is a good thing I think.  I am some better...I changed my patch early :)  I also got a new perscription today for a new one...menopause in the middle of chemo and infections is no picnic!

It is too pretty a day to sit inside and write a blog....I'm going for a ride through the mountains to see my parents.

Have a great day!

So yesterday I was feeling good...then I went to the doctor and found out my infection is still in full swing.  I feel better but the sores are still needing to drain more.  I knew they weren't well totally but I figured they were so much better that it wouldn't be much of an issue.  Wrong!  My chemo has been canceled because of it!  I now have a new doctor...and infectious disease specialist!  After some discussion (and tears) about IV antibiotics they gave me two new oral antibiotics.  They have the same side effects as the ones last week.  YUCK!  So far they are not as bad but still...it is hard when I have to keep my blood sugar balanced and I can only eat three bites before I feel like throwing up. 

Let me honest...have I ever not been with you??...I am asking God Why?  Is it not enough to go through all I have been through?  Surgery, cancer, chemo, incision opening, IV troubles...now infection too? My schedule is off and will be the rest of the time.  I have to wait on chemo until this is completely gone, how ever long that takes.  They hope only one week...but that all depends.  I don't get it, and at this point I don't even want to understand...I just want it all to be over.  I don't ultimately think the why is important but right now it is up front.  I will let you know what God says if he answers this question for me! 🙂

I think that the dates are off on my blog somehow.  I am going to start posting in the morning instead of at night.  Maybe that will straighten out the date problem.  Today, which is Thursday, I am going to be going back to the doctor for her to check my infection.  I finished my antibiotics yesterday and by 4:00 had an appetite again.  So I am feeling pretty good today.  After the doctor and bloodwork I am getting a massage...then back to work to help interview a new position we have open.  My energy has returned so I am hoping that means my blood counts are up....we will see.

My infection is improving.  The antibiotics are making me sicker than the chemo.  I am nauseous and have lost my appetite but other than that...I am feeling better.  I did go to work today and had a pretty good day.  I visited with Bill's aunts in town for a few days.  We had dinner and birthday cake (sugar free) for his aunt.  It was a good evening.  I am tired but am feeling better.  I will sleep good tonight.

            I have been thinking about the plagues of Egypt...particularly the boils.  I have a new sympathy for the Egyptians.  I have always read the plagues as if they were some story but not a reality.  I mean, I know they were real but to really think about being covered in festering boils…yikes!  In Exodus 9:8-12 it tells the story of Moses tossing soot in the air in the presence of Pharaoh.  It becomes dust over the whole land and the men and animals break out in festering boils.  I don’t know about you, but I think this plague would have changed Pharaoh’s mind…I mean boils hurt…badly.  To be covered in them would be unbearable. 

 I contemplate the part that says the Lord hardened Pharaoh’s heart.  He did that after every plague.  That doesn’t make sense to my mind.  Why would God send Moses, bring plagues, and then harden the heart of Pharaoh?  I think that it is a symbol.  After all, this is the precursor to Passover…when the blood of the Lamb protects the children of Israel from the angel of death. It is the ultimate symbol of Christ.   Pharaoh hardens his heart just as people do.  No matter what comes many, do not bow to God.  It is only in the desperate moment when his own son is lost that Pharaoh relents…and then only temporarily.  How many times has God spoken to us through pain and strange circumstances only to have us ignore him?  How many times have we refused the blood of the Lamb and suffered because of it?  The story of the boils hits home.  It causes me to examine my heart and seek his face.  I do not dare to ignore the blood of the Lamb provided for me.  I do not want God to have to use boils, symbolically or otherwise, to get my attention.  I do not want my heart to be hardened because of pride and stubbornness.  I want to be covered by the blood of the Lamb.  What about you?

It is Sunday morning and I am home resting.  When I woke up yesterday I felt sooooo much better.  We did get to go to Berry.  It was a perfect day weather wise and I had a wonderful time.  We went to the Mountain Day Chapel service...I don't think I ever went to it as a student...maybe once.  Anyway, it was good.  We heard the new president a little as he introduced others and he was very down to earth and funny. (Bill ran into him later as he was trying to get in a door...Bill said it would cost 5 dollars...they laughed.  Bill had no idea it was the president.) Then we thought it was time for the psychology reunion...but we were misinformed.  So we went to the picnic.  It was a beautiful day.  We enjoyed it so much.  We saw our favorite professor.  He didn't seem to know us until he saw Hannah then he knew exactly because she looks so much like me at that age.  We were shocked at how well he remembered our personalities...I mean he has had to have thousands of students over the years, I guess we were just memorable :)  We tried to go to the House of Dreams but missed the bus because we were misinformed.  We went to part of the soccer game, the new alumni office and the college bowl reunion. No were weren't in college bowl, but it was being held near the alumni office and Aaron is in high school quiz bowl so he was interested.  They were competeing between different years and that was funny...so we just watched.  Then a friend of ours called and asked us to come see her freshman daughters dorm room in East Mary.  That brought back tons of memories. ..except now they have air conditioning!  We went by my one of my old rooms in West Mary, then back to the pscyhology reunion...we were misinformed again so no reunion.  Do you get the feeling my source of information was bad?  Anyway, we were in a relaxed mood so all of the misinformation wasn't a problem.  It was just good to be out somewhere different.  We went to see the new apartments they have built...they look like hotels...very nice.  Then to get dinner at Schroders.  Then back to the talent show which was sold out.  We didn't want to stay for the 9:00 one so we came on home.  I was exhausted but it was tremedous fun.  I think Hannah and Aaron loved it.  Hannah is sure she wants to go there and Aaron is sure he does not. 

This morning I slept in :)   And now I am sitting in my chair, back to doing nothing...as the doctor ordered.  I feel okay besides the medicine messing with my stomach.  My sores are trying to heal but painful as they rupture over and over to drain.  Yuck, I know.  That is the nicest way I could think to put it.  I think a day or two more and I will be healed up.  At least if I had to get an infection it is on the upswing of my chemo cycle.  My counts are supposed to be going up during this time so we will see.  I don't know if this will effect my schedule yet or not.  I think it all depends on how well I heal up.  Thanks for your prayers to that effect.   

Hello all my dear friends.  I am feeling some better today, though the antibiotics are making me nauseous.  I don't feel as sick from the infection and the welps appear to be trying to heal up.  I haven't done anything all day because I didn't feel like it.  I was very weak this morning so I just rested.  After lunch I began to perk up some and had a little more energy.  Tonight we went out to dinner with some friends and it was very relaxing.  It is good to get out when you are sitting around all day...I have found that to be true when I have chemo as well.  The trick is in knowing the balance of home and out time.  We are getting better at it...and Bill is ever the watchdog making sure I don't overdo it.

We are going to attempt to go to Berry tomorrow (Sat.) for the day.  I figure sitting in the car isn't that much different from sitting in my chair.  It will be a fun day.  We may not get to stay very long if I get too tired but we will get to see former classmates and professors.  Hannah and Aaron will get a taste of Berryland.  I probably won't write tomorrow but you can check in on Sunday to hear all about the trip.

I have an infection…possibly staph or strep, not sure…the doc didn’t want to cut me open to do a culture, and I am very appreciative of that fact.  There was some talk of IV antibiotics, but after talking with my chemo doctors all agreed to some very strong oral antibiotics that cover almost any germ that could be in my system.  My blood work showed low white, red and platelets.  That is expected since I am a chemo patient.  I am hurting, but have some pain medicine as well so I should be feeling much better in 24 hours.  Being sick stinks.  That is all there is to it.  I am looking at the bright side…at least they didn’t do IV antibiotics!!  That would have been very bad.

We were supposed to go to Berry this weekend for Mountain Day…like homecoming for our college.  Hannah wants to go to there so we were taking this opportunity to take her for a fun weekend…oh well.  If I feel better by Saturday, we may go over for the day.  At least they found out what the problem was and it did not get too far before we got medicine….looking at the bright side.    

I am having some complications that are making my life fairly miserable at the moment.  I have knots and some swelling...at first I thought it was an infected hair folical (just below my incision) but now it is very painful and warm compresses haven't helped at all.  It hurts to wear clothes so I am going to my regular gyno tomorrow to have her check it since I have to go have blood work anyway.  I am tired of unexplained problems.  I want to feel well again. I am just tired...tired of tests and medicine...tired.