Today is Hannah's birthday.  I decided last night I am feeling good enough to try to have a few of the kids from church over tonight...so we are having a party...feel free to come.  6:00 for cake and icecream...no presents needed.  I worked so hard yesterday cleaning some of the downstairs and it felt good to get some significant things done.  Now I have comitted myself to this party so I am going to be working again today to spiff things up.

Good news and bad news...first the bad...I have a urinary tract infection that is painful.  However, I have a wonderful doctor that called me in some powerful medicine that should take care of it.  The good news...it is supposed to snow.  I know it is only a flurry or two but I always love to watch it come down. It helps that I don't have to go anywhere for a few days.  I plan to enjoy my children and heal.

For the record...this is hard.  I don't like it.

     I am so pitiful.  I feel bad for one and one half days and I am ready to quit. I had my shot today and can feel the bone pain coming.  I can't wait for Saturday to get here because it is my family's Thanksgiving and because I know I will feel better by then.  The up side of this cancer journey is that I have sooooo much more compassion for those that are in constant pain.  I cannot comprehend how difficult it must be. When I hear news of a cancer diagnosis (which I do all the time now) I am aware of the miracle of early detection.  My cancer is low level therefore, survivable.  My treatments, bad as they are, could be far worse.  I could have to undergo them for longer.  I read one story of a lady that had treatments for four years...she survived.  I am grateful to God this Thanksgiving season because it could've been my last.  He is so full of grace...

I don't usually feel bad this soon.  The bone pain hasn't started but I feel yuck...headache and my stomach is churning.  I guess this is the cummulative effect they have been talking about.  I plan to take medicine and go to bed.  I will sleep in tomorrow and go get my white count shot.  Only two more times of this yuck...that makes it better.

I am two thirds of the way...the light at the end of the tunnel is growing bigger.  Today went very well...as well as chemotherapy can go.  My mom took me today and that was a wonderful change.  We had breakfast and were able to visit on the way down and back.  She sat with me some and went and got me lunch.  It was nice to have her there to support me.  Bill was glad for it too because tomorrow he has to play the piano for the head of music at North Georgia College so he needed to practice all day.  (He is tranfering from Truiett to NGA to study music education)  Then we went to his mom's for dinner.  What a blessing that is.  I have great support from my moms!

They got my port 1 time no problem! Hurray for small miracles.  I was groggy for a while as usual, so I napped to beautiful music that my friend Heather put on CD for me.  I have some noise canceling head phones so when I put them on and close my eyes I am transported to the throne of God in worship.  It was such a peaceful place to be.  So much so that I fell into a deep sleep for a couple of hours.  Calm in the midst of the storm...I just love it when God does that for me.

I saw the doctor and he said I can return to work in Jan. if all my tests look good.  He also added red count shots today.  I have to have one a week to help with my anemia.  So now I have a white shot and 3 red shots...all I need is blue to be very patriotic.  For all of you prayer warriors out there, please pray that my platlettes don't drop too low.  When that happens you have to have a platlette transfusion and it delays chemo for three weeks!  I don't want that to happen.  Mine are low but not too low at this point...if we lift them to heaven they will be high enough 🙂

I know that I talk about nature alot...mountains, leaves, oceans etc...  I just can't help it.  I am inspired by it. I truly believe that God is everywhere if we will just open our eyes and look around. 

This weekend we went to the Georgia Aquarium and I am again amazed by God's creation.  Thousands of fish...some crazy looking creatures were there.  Huge whale sharks that cannot swallow anything bigger than a quarter, little paranas that will eat a ton of meat in seconds.  God is soooooo creative.  I know that, but really...a fish that can change from male to female, a male seahorse that carries the babies, a jelly fish that glows in the dark???  What was God thinking?  How could he come up with this stuff? 

I guess he is the creator so that would make him the most creative artist.  Mind-blowing creative.  It says in the Bible that all creation testifies to his glory.  I would have to agree.  All creation worships him when congress will not.  All creation worships him when the president will not.  All creation worships him when the human world denies him.  All creation worships him when I will not.   He is so much bigger than the politics and world opinion and me.  He is bigger than a whale shark...bigger than an ocean of whale sharks!  Yet he knows each creature of the sea and each sparrow...each person...including me and you.  WOW!  That is hard to get my brain around.  He created this world for our pleasure and for his.  Open your eyes and you will see him all around you.

We won!  White County won their last game tonight.  That makes three for the year.  It was even exciting...final score 10 to 13.  The band sounded great too.  It was a fun season but I am glad it is over.  No more band practice...however, if anyone wants to buy some oranges we are selling! Tomorrow we have a soccer game, wrestling match and we are going to the Georgia Aquarium.  I am living it up before Monday...

Risk is another word for faith.  To step out into something that is unknown takes faith because it is a risk.  That is the word the Lord is speaking to me lately…risk.  I find it odd that he would choose this particular time in my life to tell me to take a risk.  Right now, everything in me wants to choose the comfortable way of familiarity.  I need stability and yet everywhere I turn I am hearing the word risk.  Step out.  Live fully. 

The latest place I hear this call to take a risk is the book I am reading…The Cost Of Discipleship by Bonhoeffer.  (The last time I tried to read the book it was so far over my head I never finished it. I thought that maybe I could relate to it better now that cancer has so rudely interrupted my life. And I have found why it is a classic.)

The passage that has my attention at the moment is Luke 9:57-62.  Bonhoeffer discusses the three disciples in the passage, each with his own agenda that blocks him from following the call of Jesus to follow.  I would love to go into the details but I will save that for another time…maybe my book.  The point he makes is that “faith can no longer mean sitting still and waiting-they (those wishing to be disciples) must rise and follow him.  They must burn their boats and plunge into absolute insecurity in order to learn the demand and gift of Christ… A situation must be created, in which it is possible to believe on Jesus as God incarnate; that is the impossible situation in which everything is staked solely on the word of Jesus.” 

That is risking it.  At least that is how I interpret it. An impossible situation creates faith; having the faith to stand on his word alone.  That applies to all of life.  Standing on the word that he is for me not against me in the impossible situation of cancer.  It is stepping out of the comfort zone of life to the call before me…writing a book, taking a chance.  It is not about me, it is about his call to me and my response to it…taking a risk.

I think that I am still having cycles even though I don't have the parts.  My emotions seem quite near the surface.  I am easily frustrated and feel like PMS...only I know that can't really be.  Tomorrow I have a massage.  That should help with the intensity.  Can anyone out there with a hysterectomy tell me if this is normal?  My patch has seemed to be working up until now.  When I go for chemo on Monday I have a doctors appointment too...I am going to ask.