I do not know why the spacing is off on my latest post...my computer is being fixed so I am using a different one.  I have tried to edit and fix but it will not show my changes for some reason so you will get a lesson on what it feels like to have reading problems!

Yesterday was a busy day once again.  This is starting to feel alot like work!  Get up at the crack of dawn and work until 5 or so. Then go to the Gunnins and try to work some more.  I never feel like it when we get back because I am so drained from being in the heat all day. The house feels and smells like an oven.  We drink a ton of water but still the sweat pours off and I am sticky and smelly when I get back.  I try to jump in the pool and swim a few laps in the evening with the boys.  It has been one of the refreshing things about all of this, to spend time in the pool with them. 

Anyway, we moved the computers and assorted printers out yesterday. For reference, in case you ever have a disaster in your home, think about your specialty items that will need more than just an outside cleaning.  Figure out where they would need to be taken and write down the number and name of that place.  You could also list each item that would have to go there.  This one little thing would help you a ton! We will be taking TV’s, DVD players, CD players, and Ipod docks today.  Tomorrow the musical electronics go out.  This is a hassle no doubt, but in the end we will know exactly what we have and everything will be fixed and running. Hurray!

One thing we had to do yesterday was to sign the application for the building permit.  I thought it was interesting that we have to give permission before the rebuilding can start. Another nugget.  In our lives when we want God to start re-building from our mess we have to give him permission.  He does not just come in and start the process on his own, we have to ask and then submit to his work.  We trust him to know what needs to be done.  He is the man with the plan.  Our lives are his expertise.  The first step of this rebuilding???  Demolition.  Yikes!  That sounds scary when you are talking about our hearts!  However, the Lord knows exactly how much of our foundation is damaged.  He also knows the point of impact and he is not afraid to go there and rip out the root problems. In the end we will receive a new and better life that does not stink.  It will be worth the pain,but in the meantime he has to rip and tear and demolish the problem areas.  He will not do that without our permission because it takes courage to survive that kind of godly destruction.  To stand there and watch our lives being apparently destroyed is tough.  The emotions that are involved in this kind of healing work are exhausting.  BUT this is why the bible says that in your weakness he will be strong, and his grace is sufficient.   Like any good builder he knows what the finished product will be.  He knows that the demo is necessary to have quality and safety in the future.  He is completely trustworthy with your soul. The question is do you know that? In our minds it is a risk to let him take a sledgehammer to our hearts.  It requires faith and trust in his goodness.  It requires knowing that he is for your freedom. It requires knowing him.

A productive day...more inventory, a new disaster bank account, a storage space, and a post office box.  It is exhausting on less than adequate sleep, but we are moving forward.  Tomorrow the cleaning crew should be complete with all that they are taking from the house.  The basement will be empty...no carpet, nothing.  It is an empty shell, ready for the next step...demo.  They will be ripping out the walls soon, and the ceiling and floors.  A new thing...

I have decided to keep a list.  Maybe listing all that we own, for the insurance company, has rubbed off.  During a tragedy there are so many hardships that your head sometimes forgets to look at the bright side.  Overwhelming details crowd your thoughts clamoring for your attention. I try to be a glass half full kind of a person, because I believe with all my heart that God is in everything.  He uses every circumstance in some way for his glory.  By looking for his fingerprints in bad situations, I am exercising my faith and belief that he is a good God.  So far, I have never been disappointed.  He is always there. Even if it takes some time to see him, he is often working in ways that I cannot comprehend until much later.  The depth of insight into his character is most evident in hardship.  Some may say that the items on my list are purely coincidence.  I beg to differ.  When there are this many coincidences I look up to Jehovah Jira, the provider…of miracles.

The Miracle List

1.                          We were home.  Normally we would have already left for church but I decided I needed some peanut butter and crackers before we left so we could wait and eat dinner after church.

2.                          We smelled the smoke and were looking for it before we ever saw it.

3.                          Two of the firemen from the volunteer fire department “just happened” to be at the station when the call came in.

4.                          Half of my family was not home when it happened which allowed more time to get fewer people out unharmed.

5.                          It did not happen while we were sleeping.

6.                          We caught it early enough that the whole house didn’t burn to the ground.

7.                          The landlords we are renting from were in need of some cash flow since they are a builder and a real estate agent in this slow market.  They were trusting God to provide them with renters.

8.                          We found the house even though it was NOT in the rental market.

9.                          The setting is on peaceful land rather than in Helen traffic.

10.                      My regular cleaning lady lost my house but gained business from my new landlords.  She was trusting God to provide her more homes to clean.

11.                      Our builder was in need of an additional job that started immediately because of the slow market. 

12.                      We were able to get the temporary power pole in one day.

13.                      This happened BEFORE school started.

14.                      To be continued….

     Today was an emotional day...a few tears came forth when I was told I had to inventory every item in the house. (It was like RTI only worse!)  Not only that, but I had to tell the serial number/brand/model number, where we bought the item,  how many years we owned it, and how much it cost now.  That was enough to do me in.  I had to take a breather for a few minutes and collapse.  Then back at it doing the best I could to comply.  The good news is that the cleaning company came and began the clean up.  They packed up and removed almost everything downstairs.  Then they pulled out most of the carpet.  The smell was worse than before while they were taking the carpet out.  Man, what a gross smelling mess.  They are going to be drying out the walls and floors so the mildew doesn't spread.  They will be working for at least 2 more days to complete this very tedious work.  My hats off to them...I think they need to be on Dirtiest Jobs. My dad came and deliver our instruments to two different places for repair and cleaning.  One was in Atlanta, so it was quite a day for him.  (Thanks Dad)  Bill's mom watched the kids all day...and fixed dinner!  (Thanks Nannie)  This would not be possible if not for our family support.  My friend commented today on how blessed we are to have so much help.  I heartily agreed.  We have an incredible support system and we have used with every trauma we have faced! 
    In the meantime, we found a cute house to rent.  It is on three acres and has a little creek with a bridge and a pond.  Lots of room for kids and dogs to play, plenty of parking space and a bed for every one.  It is not nearly as big as our house but it is newly refurbished and it was done beautifully.  It was really a miracle we found it because with Octoberfest coming up all the rentals we called on were already booked.  It is not in Helen but on Duncan Bridge Road.  That means that the leaf traffic will not be as big of an issue.  We are relieved about this and it takes a huge load off to know where we will be living.  Our plan is to move in this weekend...probably Saturday.  I will be continuing the inventory of the house for the next few days.  I am thrilled we are moving forward!  It seems like a month since last week!  Thanks for the prayers and keep it up...we are seeing miracles.

            When you ask the Lord to stop the fire, he does.  Immediately.  There is no condition.  The firemen do not stop to ask detailed questions about how the fire started.  They put it out.  The damage on the other hand, remains.  And boy is there damage.  I think in our lives many times we cry out to Jesus to save us from the fire, but then we let the mess remain. Or, we try to clean it up ourselves.  Let me tell you if I had to clean the disaster at my house right now I would get depressed!  It is overwhelming to think of handling this mess on my own.  My other option is to ignore it and keep living in a toxic environment.

 In our spiritual lives we have the same choices; fix our broken lives on our own, or act as if everything is fine.  Another option is to ask for help.  The Lord has put some pretty special people around that specialize in cleaning up messes.  They are professionals, gifted by God to recognize the root and the subsequent damage. He gifted them for the specific purpose of cleaning up the harm that comes from fire.  Just like the cleaning company that is going to remove the soot and mildew from my house, counselors help make sense of the mess in order to eliminate it because the bigger the fire the more chaos. 

As a believer, if there is something that is preventing me from freedom, I will not be free if I continue to operate in the same way. We had to move out of our house because it is not safe to remain there.  Moving to a different place is required when there is destruction.  You have heard that an alcoholic doesn’t need to remain in a bar.  It is not a matter of God forbidding or trying to say you cannot have fun, it is a matter of rebuilding.  When there is sin and it does its insidious work, sometimes the only way to rebuild is to relocate away from the damage.  I am not talking about a physical move, but a mental one.  It is retraining thoughts and the habitual actions that come from them.  It doesn’t matter which freedom blocker…gossip, envy, unforgiveness, slander, adultery…the list goes on and on.  The moving away from disaster, and the professional help, begin the rebuilding of a life. 

The Lord oversees this whole process and leads us down a path of reflection.  Now is the time to get detailed about how the fire started.  Now is the time to assess the damages and see how far the destruction spread within the walls.  Now is the time to demolish the remaining walls and remove the toxic debris.  It is a purging and the Lord is ruthless…and kind…in his pruning of unwanted freedom blockers.  He does not stop until the last vestiges of the putrid smell are gone.  We, of course, can choose to start the fire again, or abandon the process of healing along the way, but HIS heart is for us to have the courage to let him complete the work he started.  He will give us the faith to stand in the midst of our mess…it is humbling…and sometimes embarrassing, but it is also freeing!  If we could just remember the freedom that comes when our sin is removed we would not fight it so hard the next time we fall!  To be washed whiter than snow is one of the great benefits of faith in Christ.  It is a mystery to be sure.  What kind of love does this great work in us with such patience and kind understanding?  Amazing love. 

Today we found another possible house.  It is more expensive but is it also bigger and NOT in Helen.  I don't know if the insurance company will go for it but we are going to try.  If not we will take the small one in Helen.  It was a good day...but we are tired of looking at houses.  We just want to find a place to settle in while we wait for the house to be fixed. 
Tomorrow we meet the adjustor, and the cleaning company at the house in the morning at 8:30...so we should know more tomorrow night.  Off to bed we go...up early for our big day.

I found a nugget.  I knew there would be insight because God is everywhere, even in the storms…even lightning storms. From the beginning of this new ordeal I have been mulling over a thought.  As I have cleaned, it has become clearer in my mind.  Sin stinks.  Pretty simple I know.  When I think about God saying our sin is like a stink in his nostrils, I can understand that quite clearly now.  Even our good works are like that to him because sin is not exactly a behavior.  I think that hell-fire and brimstone preachers have give sin a bad name, if you will pardon my saying so.  It has been turned into a simple word that means “extremism” in people’s minds.  It is defined as drinking, cussing or some other behavior.  If we have to stop sinning then we have to give up everything “fun.” 

But I have a different definition of sin.  It is anything that keeps you from your freedom to love God fully.  This is much deeper that our actions. Actions are an outward sign of a deeper issue.  We can numb ourselves with “sinful” activities so we never have to face the real matter, which is our relationship with God.  We were created for this relationship and when we are in it, we are on the road to complete freedom; freedom to fulfill our purposes, freedom to love completely and be loved with no barriers, freedom to be who we are without masks.  This amazing kind of freedom is something we only dream about secretly.  We never speak of it because we do not think it exists.  It is something we all search for deep inside.

So here is the analogy, sin comes in to one area of our lives. It can come with a big bang or with a simple thought.  Then it smolders behind the walls of our heart.  On the outside all is well, you would never know there was a fire at first, even though it is burning the structure of your life on the inside.  Then the smoke begins spread.  Now sin is set in motion to permeate every fiber of your being, and I mean every fiber.  You cannot escape the smell.  Many times we think that one area of our lives will not affect another area…that is a lie.  If your heart is burning, your life is burning.  On the outside, now it is becoming obvious that something is wrong because the smoke from the sin is toxic. Still externally there is no fire, just a stink that is a huge warning that something is deeply wrong, and if ignored the flame will overtake your life.  Somewhere in this process the sinful behaviors are picked up to numb what is obvious...your heart is on fire.  So behaviors are not really the issue at all, they are merely an outward sign that you are not experiencing the freedom you dream of. 

The question is how far the sin will go.  Will you allow it to destroy your whole life or will you call 911 at the first warning sign?   This is a picture of salvation yes…but also a reminder of how repentance works.  When we fall in an area, or have a bad attitude it begins to burn us up. Usually a thought is all it takes to put the sin into action.  When we realize our area of separation we cry out to God and he comes in and puts out the fire. It is that simple, he stops the destruction we bring upon ourselves.   

The impossibility of keeping ourselves sin free quickly becomes overwhelming as we live our lives.  We can try to stop the fire, but it just keeps breaking out all over the place…it travels throughout the house popping up in a seemingly random fashion. Jesus is the only one that can prevent this from happening again and again.  It is in relationship, not outward behavior, that we find our true freedom. It is in our surrender that he finds a “sweet smelling sacrifice.”  I don’t know about you but anyone that can take the putrid stench of my sin and turn it into a sweet smelling sacrifice is someone I want to know deeply.  He knows the fibers that are woven into my life and how they smell, yet he loves me anyway.  That thought brings the beginnings of freedom if you can get your mind around it.  We do not have to do it alone.  True freedom is not a fairy tale, it really exists…now that is a nugget! 

Honey...today is 22 years!  Wow it seems like much longer :)  We have been through some tough stuff and continue to find ourselves in traumatic circumstances.  What a blessing you have been to me through it all!  I would marry you again in a heart beat.    You are my best bud and my sweetheart!  Who would have thought that two years ago we spent our anniversary in a hospital and now we are cleaning up fire damage?  You have to admit what we have is pretty special...not to mention smoking hot!  I love you!