This letter is a response to my previous New Year’s blog…for all those who are currently waiting.
The dark place you are in may seem to have lasted forever. You may feel like you will never be released from it. No matter which direction you attempt to move you feel blocked. Over and over again. Life interrupted. Unexpected difficulty. It didn’t start this way did it? In the beginning, you were so eager to take in nourishment that you could not be satisfied with small amounts. You were ravenous, and you did not stop to think of why you might be so. It did not occur to you that the food you were consuming might be needed in the future when food was scarce. You took in everything that was supplied to you with excitement. You were giddy with every word that came forth and your zeal could not be quenched.
It seemed this constant flow would never end, until the day came when you were so stuffed you couldn’t take in one more morsel. Full to overflowing, you could hardly move. As the days went on, you felt so sluggish that you began to worry and fret. Where was the zeal? Where was the passion? For a time you went through the motions…albeit slowly. Seeking out that which had filled you in the past, only to find it gone. Bare branches. Empty of the nourishment that fed you, and so you succumbed to sleep. You pulled yourself away, into a chrysalis of your own making, for some rest.
When you woke, it was dark and tight-fitting. The warm and cozy place of rest had become gloomy and small. It became hard to tell the day from the night, because you were cloaked in darkness all the time. You pushed against the walls that had become your prison. They did not give an inch. Panic set in. You were trapped. No way out and only darkness around you. At first, you slept a great deal. Now you are awake but bound. Occasionally, you push and try to find a way back to the wide open spaces of freedom and plenty. Instead you find only want and lack. No nourishment in this place of shadows. No light. Only you. Alone. You do not even feel like your former self. Excitement and zeal are lacking. Fullness a thing of the past. You feel…weak…feeble…frail…fragile. Strength fails you. You are not even strong enough to break out of the thin sheath that covers you. You think, “This is pitiful. I am a weakling. I should be able to push away this dark place, but I cannot hardly even move.” And so, you resign yourself…you sit surrounded with no immediate rescue apparent. You wait, because waiting is your only option. For what, you do not know. Waiting in your weakness you wish for something…different.
This is where I found you. It is where I whisper, “You are not waiting for something different…something different is waiting for you.” You feel my words resonant. You do not recognize my voice, yet there is something familiar…a mist, just at the edges of your mind. You wiggle to try to see me through the encasement without success. But trust me; I am here…calling to you. What you do not know is that I have been here all along. I do not call from outside, but from within. My words are soft, and low. At first you have to strain to hear them, but the more you feel them pulse through you, the louder they get. I am here to tell you that you are NOT trapped. That you are in fact, in a place of growth, not weakness. That though you feel as if your world is upside down, it is exactly as it has to be. That in this darkest of places, in the tight-suffocating-claustrophobic space miracles are happening.
It is womb of transformation.
Strength is building. Dreams are being born. I am speaking them to you. Freedom is coming…you will fly. Even now you tremble at the thought that you can escape this now-too-small-chrysalis. You will be a new creation. Soon. Do not fret. Do not worry. Do not panic. I am within you…speaking to your heart…telling it to keep beating. Designing your wings to push through the covering…and then to lift into the air. Crafting each mosaic scale to be an delicate masterpiece. There will be none like you. An individual work of art. Stunning in flight. Soaring to heights never before imagined. Do not lose heart my beautiful butterflies-in-waiting. Your time is coming…Do you trust me?
All my love,
P.S. You are exquisite…by design.