There is no way I would have believed you if you told me last week my knee would be better by today. When I could not put my foot… even my big toe… on the ground without excruciating pain I could not have imagined that the pain would disappear. Even Bill, who was having to practically carry me to and from cars to wheelchairs, said, “There is no way this is just a ruptured cyst.” We were both convinced that I had shredded my knee in some terrible way. The ladies at work were sure the wheelchair was absolutely needed, and I did not argue with them one bit. Yet each morning I woke up and said, “I think it is a little better today.” I continued in the wheelchair, and on crutches. I continued with ice, pain meds, and anti-inflams. I scheduled my physical therapy, but by Friday my knee was so much better I wondered if I needed it. Honestly it is feeling better now than it did before this happened. So much so that I am wondering if, the cyst was the problem the whole time, rather than the arthritis.
Now I am not saying that I am completely pain free. There is still some soreness for sure, but it is not terrible anymore. Something I have learned from this is the difference between training and recovery. I have had an awful time making the shift mentally. I want to walk the lake. I want to go to jazzercise. I can do neither of those things. It has challenged me and caused fear of returning to the roller coaster of weight gain to rise up in my mind. I am doing what I can, knowing it is all I can do at this point. And while I have not been in training mode for long (1 year out of 47), I know all about recovery mode. I simply have to transfer my cancer lessons to my knee. I know that you have to listen to your body. I know that sleep is when your body heals. I remember how it feels to get achy and know that I am done for the day. If it aches, it means something. I have to ice it. If it gets tired, I have to rest. The key is being aware of my condition, paying attention and doing what I need.
Bill just came in and asked, “So what is the spiritual lesson?” Hmmm. Now that he mentions it…I can see one. There are times when we push forward and move in his purposes…we advance. There are other times when we are in recovery and need spiritual rest…retreat. These seasons balance one another out. Sometimes they overlap. The key is being aware God’s voice and of my own condition. Paying attention. Knowing when to rest…when to move…when to wait on him. I am thrilled that my knee is recovering quickly and that it appears to have been a relatively minor injury. I plan to walk the three day again this year, and I know that soon I will be in training mode again. But for now, I wait and recover my strength. I am thankful that God speaks clearly in times of retreat in order to prepare us for the advance.