One year ago, we were holding vigil at Mom’s bedside. A death watch…a time of waiting for death to arrive. Hospice sounded the alarm that her time had come. We didn’t leave her side. Her body was weakening. Her breathing was a rattle. Then a gurgle. We took turns beside the bed. Reading her favorite … Continue reading Death Watch
family
The Whirlwind…
There is a whirlwind blowing worldwide. It is disorienting. In the midst, the landscape is changing. From my window, I watch. From the safety of my chair, I see. It is alarming. It is scary when debris flies by, so close. Destruction seems so immanent. Inches away. For now, I am safe from where I … Continue reading The Whirlwind…
Hi Dad,
I’m porch sitting this morning. The cozy chair from your back porch has made the transition to mine. When I sit here, I find comfort that you sat here before me. Silly, but sitting in this chair helps me to feel closer to you. And I am listening to the birds, trying to identify them … Continue reading Hi Dad,
Memorial Day
I am struggling. There I said it. Seeing it on the page in black and white helps me define my last few weeks. It’s been almost 6 months since Dad passed, but for some reason I have had a wave of emotion that feels fresh and new. Painful again. I am aware that grief doesn’t … Continue reading Memorial Day
Another First
There have been some tears this week. At first, I didn’t recognize the source. So many things happening, some of them good, some of them painful. I chalked my lethargic state up to having a fabulous week last week at the Folk School. Always fun, but also always exhausting. I came home tired. Said goodbye … Continue reading Another First
The Small Things
I slide out of my bed and pull on my yellow shorts and striped yellow and white tank top. My bare feet pad quietly out of the bedroom. He sits on the porch. Watching the waves roll in. Never a coffee drinker, his hands instead caress his camera. Dad. Taking in the sunrise with his … Continue reading The Small Things
Sister Tattoos (Part 2)
Four years ago, Melinda and I got sister tattoos as part of our caregiver journey. I wrote about it here. Back then, we marked our hard journey; etched it on our bodies as a way to memorialize the love between Mom and Dad. Dementia was taking its toll and Dad was a weary knight in … Continue reading Sister Tattoos (Part 2)
Bracing Myself
Me among the daffodils as a child. When grieving, I know to brace myself for the “firsts” …first holiday season, first Mother’s Day, first Father’s Day, etc… This Friday will be Mom’s birthday. She would have been 86. My photo memories have already sent me last year’s pictures of her birthday celebration. My heart was … Continue reading Bracing Myself
I Believe in Thank Yous
I believe in thank yous. Showing appreciation is such a small thing, but it can have big results. And, it is not hard to do. Simple really. Try it. Say thank you to someone today and watch their face light up. It has to be genuine and your face must show that you are indeed … Continue reading I Believe in Thank Yous
Hole in My Soul
I lost my voice. No talking for several days, shouting to create a whisper. Just as well. I haven’t had much to say lately. No words, at least. Lots of feelings. None that I can really describe. Turns out, a week or so of silence is just what I needed. There is no pressure to … Continue reading Hole in My Soul
Michelle's Mosaic 