I got a few items checked of my non-bucket list this week. Never heard of a non-bucket list? It is a list is made up of things you hope never to do. Allow me to explain.

Unfortunately, I have had many traumatic experiences in my life. Enough to know how my body reacts to stress. Therefore, last week, when my chest started pounding and pain reached across my body, I knew this was not my usual response. Breaking out in a cold sweat and weak knees are not my regular reactions either. I was scared and on alert immediately.

One good thing about working at a school is the school nurse is there to field medical questions. It’s kind of like having a nurse in your family, only she answers questions for all the students and staff. Every day. Bless her heart. After her assessment, the admin was notified and the EMTs were called. Once their assessment was complete, the decision was made to transport me to the ER, as a precaution.

• First non-bucket list item to be checked off? Having an emergency sickness at work. I really don’t like the attention it causes.
• Second non-bucket list item? Riding in an ambulance. Even without the siren and lights, it is not something I have ever desired to do. Especially, when they are repeatedly sticking you to try to start an IV. I don’t even like being stuck when I am sitting perfectly still.
• Third item… being the caboose on the hallway gurney train in the ER. No secrets there. Out in the open for everyone in the hall to hear and know every part of your medical history and current situation. The only consolation is that I know everyone else’s as well. The guy ahead of me in the line, fell off a ladder. Was in a neck brace for hours. Had to pee in a urinal, with a blanket over him for privacy. I was grateful, as were all the others on our train, that we could walk to the toilet.
• Fourth non-bucket list item…being a guinea pig for a new phlebotomist. It is a well-known fact that my veins are non-existent. I think I was her first ever stick. She had her teacher with her, drawing on my arm to show her the veins. He walked her through how to feel for it. I already had some holes from the previous misses, so that couldn’t have been helpful to her psyche. Bill looked at me with wide eyes and I nodded. Yep, this was going to be interesting. I believe everyone on our gurney train was tuned in to see how this would go. Finally, her teacher said, “You just have to do it. Stick her.” I held my breath. She did it. Got me first try. I cheered for her. If they hadn’t been afraid to have been caught eavesdropping, I believe everyone on our train would have cheered too.  
•  Fifth, having stickers put on and removed every few hours. At the school, the EMTs had to put those stickers on me that are attached with super glue. I think there were 12 of them, all over. Once I was at the hospital, they had to pull the first ones off, and put some new ones on. I tried not to scream when my skin came off with them…didn’t want to upset the other passengers on my train. Like pulling off a band aid from some very sensitive areas. When I went for my test (number 6 on my list) they had to remove them and put on others. It was a revolving door of stickers all day. I even found some once I got home.
• Sixth on my list, the echo-stress test. Hours into my stay, I was moved to emergency observation. It was like a hotel room compared to the gurney train. I got finally received a gown and some privacy. When they took me for the test, the first thing was to turn my gown around so they could put more stickers and some gel on me. I told them I had had four babies and we could just lose the gown if needed. They didn’t go for it. I walked the treadmill until I couldn’t breathe and then jumped on the table for the scan, which was actually pretty cool to watch. I could see my heart beating. Kind of like when I had sonograms for my children, only the baby was my heart. And the heartbeat I was seeing was my own. Still, I wouldn’t recommend this test unless you have to have one.

Overall, it was a busy day checking things off my non-bucket list. The good news is that my heart checked out fine. The symptoms I had lasted about 30 minutes total, after that I felt fine. I have had follow up visits with my cardiologist and my general practitioner. The consensus is I had a panic attack. Not fun, but definitely better than a heart attack. I am relieved to know that my heart looks good. I haven’t had any more symptoms since and that is a relief.

I know I am under a significant amount of stress. I also know I am not the only one facing hard things. Everyone has something difficult in their lives. However, I also know I don’t want any more non-bucket list items checked off. So, I will do what I need to do to take care of myself if you will take care of yourself, too. Deal?

P.S. Thanks to Marcia, Cheryl, and Jennifer at school for caring for me and getting me the help I needed. And thanks to the EMTs and all the healthcare professionals at NEGA. This blog is written tongue in cheek, but you need to know the staff was excellent, despite the overcrowded ER. They did the best they could. They made a hard situation better and I was treated with kindness, which goes a long way when you are scared.