Double Trouble

butterfly_ovarian_cancer_ribbon_samsung_galaxy_s4Ten years ago on this date, I heard some extremely scary words. “You have diabetes.” and then “You have Cancer.”  The D word and the C word, said within one breath of each other. My world was turned upside down in that moment. Death came to taunt me and Fear took up residence in my mind.  I would be lying if I told you anything different, and though Death has gone for now, Fear still has a room in the back of my mind where it camps out between doctor’s appointments.

This is not to say I don’t have faith, because I do.  I can assure you that I am a walking miracle, and I know this is because God held me up through some of the darkest days of my life.  Traumatic days.  Difficult days.  Days that I never wish to repeat…hence the fear.  However, even in the midst of the churning-gut-nervousness of those days, I knew I was being held in the palm of his hand no matter the result…live or die.

I count this date as my Diagnosis Day which is different than my Cancer-Free day in January. Today is more somber for me, whereas January is a party.  This is a day of reflection.  A time where I walked trembling into the unknown.  A season of day to day survival with no guarantees. A place in which trying to believe was the best I could do.  I would not say I was strong in this faith I was clinging to.  I would say I was carried through and hoping that I would make it to the other side of the battle intact.

I have come a long way in these ten years.  I feel better than ever and have energy galore. I have found my food, and I am down 50 lbs. so far, which has reversed my Diabetes!  Between now and the January anniversary of 10 years cancer free, I have several doctor’s appointments.  Check-ups…like a 10,000 mile tune up with my cancer team.  Yes, even after 10 years I still have a team, because once a cancer patient always a cancer patient.  Fear is so far in the back of my mind I am barely quivering at this next round of testing.  The confidence of good results for the past 9 years mask any thoughts that spring to my mind as needles dig, and pictures are made.  I push the memories out as I breathe the hope in.

These diseases taught me not to take my health for granted. Not to assume tomorrow will come.  Not to put things off until “some day.”  Movement=life.  Natural foods=life.  Attitude=life.  To live fully has been my motto from that time to this.  I do so by allowing myself the freedom to live.  I do things that give me life.  I practice self-care. I hike.  I do art.  I spend time with people who help me thrive.  I love my family and my friends who hold me up in good and bad times.  I celebrate every milestone. Even the 10 year ones. Especially those.

2 thoughts on “Double Trouble

  1. Marking the diagnosis anniversary seems like celebrating the day that GOD took over! – right from the “get-go.”
    We love you, Michelle. – mary stripling and of course Bev.

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