Treading Water

I haven’t written in a while. Honestly, I have been trying to keep my head above water and trying to process all that is happening in my life. I wish I could report that I have figured it all out, but that would be a lie. I think it will be quite some time before I have much I can put in print publicly about the place in which I am walking. So instead, I will give you an update on Louise. When I went to see her this morning she was still in bed. Ray had tried to get her up and ready for her therapist’s visit to no avail. He had some errands to do so I took over the battle. She said she didn’t feel like getting up and that the reading teacher couldn’t help her. I told her she could have 15 more minutes and then she would have to get up.
In the meantime, I straightened the kitchen some and did some general sprucing up. When I went back in, of course she didn’t remember that I had been there. She complained that her back was hurting. Ray said that she fell yesterday which seemed to trigger a previous back issue. I told her that warm water in the shower would help her back and that I would get her some Aleve ready while she was in the shower. I pulled the covers back and she got up. I went back to get her some Aleve and an ice pack so that when she came in it would be ready. A little bit later, she came in to the kitchen and I offered her the medicine for her back. She asked me why. I told her because she was complaining about her back hurting earlier. She said, “I was? Well it’s fine.” She has a doctor’s appointment on Monday, and Ray is going to tell them about her fall and resulting back pain so they can check her out. She wanted to walk, so she walked around the house for a few minutes.
After I got her to eat her breakfast, we sat in the living room to wait on the therapist and she asked me how many kids I had. I could tell my explanation of all my kids was confusing, so we sat and looked at her photo book that Bobbie sent her. We went through all the names again. She just kept saying, “I don’t know anything. Why don’t I know anything?” So we went through the seizure story again…twice. She was surprised to learn that she had been in the hospital and a nursing home. I explained that her short-term memory is not working right and that is why the therapist was coming…to help her with her memory. I told her I know that it is hard and that she is confused, but that everyone is trying to help her as much as possible.
I went in the kitchen and swept the floor and when I came back she said, “I didn’t know you were here.” I sat and we started the whole conversation over again…my kids, the book, the seizure story…and always her amazement at how she cannot remember any of what happened. I feel for her, and for Ray who is caring for her 24/7. By the time, Ray returned her therapist was there. She was sitting down to work with him when I left. It is difficult to say how she will be from day to day. Some days she seems more coherent, others more confused. She is tired always. She can still converse in the moment, but doesn’t have much recollection of anything prior. Please continue to pray for the whole situation my friends. It is hard for us all.

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