Flashback Moment

I was sitting in bed reading a book for my class. (Yes, I am back in school again.) Anyway, I was reading and Peter came in looking for bandages for his toes, because he had two ingrown toenails removed yesterday. He pulled down the first aid bin from the closet and plopped it right on the bed. Now our first aid bin is not a small little bucket, it is jumbo sized and full of all kinds of bandages and such. The majority of the stuff in there came from when I had my open incision and all my cancer stuff, but each injury has added more to the pot. Gauze, tapes of all kinds, bandages, lidoderm patches, butterfly closures…you name it, and it would probably be in there. The top came off and we were sorting through all the different sizes of Band-Aids trying to find the ones that were just the right size. Something about the smell…I caught a whiff of adhesive tape smell or something and my heart started to race. Suddenly, I was back in my bed having packing ripped out of my gut. I broke out in a cold sweat. It was the weirdest thing to have such a physical reaction to adhesive tape. Seems silly…couldn’t even finish looking for a bandage. I had the bin removed quickly from my room. Maybe it was because this is the same bed I was in while I endured the painful packing change every other day. Or maybe it was because I have had several cancer conversations recently with friends walking through it all with loved ones. I can’t really tell you the reason I went back there for a few minutes…but I CAN tell you I didn’t like it. I didn’t like remembering. I didn’t like the physical sensation of fear that came over me. However, it once again reminded me that life is a gift that is too short to be wasted on unimportant or trivial things. It reminded me where I have come from, and what I have lived through. It reminded me to be thankful to God that I am cancer free. Perspective. Live fully my friends.

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