After gently trying to force my knee into submission since my surgery, I have decided to withdraw from the 3-Day. I have done my therapy, ridden my bike, gone swimming and gone back to a much modified Jazzercise. However, when I try to walk even one lap, it starts to ache, followed by sharp shooting pains, then swelling. I have held on, thinking maybe I would turn a corner at the six week mark…no such occurrence. Before my surgery, when I asked the doc if I would be recovered in time to do the walk, she surprised me with her optimism. “I don’t see why not.”
After the surgery, she talked about modifying my exercise routine and said “We will have to talk about it.” Her change in tune let me know that the “extra” stuff she found in my knee could have a longer term effect on my mobility than first anticipated. The words knee replacement were mentioned, meaning that this is not likely to get to 100% better. Yet, I am fighting for it every push, kick, or step of the way and plan to continue to do so. At this point, it is still getting better and stronger…just not strong enough to make it 60 miles in three days by October. I am hopeful that with continued work next year’s walk will be possible.
Pulling out of the walk is an unmet goal. It is frustrating, to be shooting for something and completely miss the target. However, I have to think of it differently. I cannot quit shooting just because the target got moved…or I am facing in a different direction now. I will simply have to move the target closer, then gradually back it up until I am where I want to be again. At first, this idea so disappointed me I feared I would lose my motivation. Now I see it as only a set back…not a defeat… an exploration of different ways to move, until I can move the way I want. So on I go, fighting to take my life back still… doing so with a significant handicap…but still fighting. One of my favorite Churchill quotes…now applies to me. “Never. Never. Never. Give up.”