House help

So sorry I didn’t update you yesterday. It was the last day of school. The boys were all occupied last night so Bill and I had a date. It was nice after the last few weeks of stress to be able to go out to dinner just the two of us.
I talked with Louise this morning. She was working on laundry. Her biggest concern is still her eye. We talked about going to the eye doctor for a minute or two. We also talked about canceling the housekeeper I had set up to come and help out. Not too long after her surgery, she said she wanted someone to help her clean her house each week. I was excited because we had already set it up for her, without her knowing it. I never dreamed she would ask for help because it is not her way. She mentioned it several times and we were relieved that she realized she could not handle that big house by herself. She told Ray to pay someone to come do it. We thought we were going to have to sneak someone in while she was out, so when she agreed we set it all up.
Now that she is home apparently she has changed her mind and feels that she can do it all herself. She does not want someone else coming in and doing things differently than she does them. This concerns me a great deal, but there is nothing I can really do about it. When I tried to help out with laundry a week or so ago, she took it all out of my hands and told me I didn’t do it right. She will refuse my help. She will refuse yours too. She has refused to let Gail come in from Colorado to help as well.
I am hoping that when her treatments start she will reconsider. I can tell you that when I was sick from chemo, even though it made me feel normal to do a few things around the house, it was a huge relief that I didn’t have to do the deep clean items. It is one thing to wipe down the kitchen or do a couple of loads of laundry, it is quite another to mop, or clean the toilets and bathtubs and showers when you are sick. My home is my sanctuary. The place I feel the most relaxed and at peace…unless it is dirty. You ladies know what I am saying here. When it is not as clean as I want it (and my standards dropped considerably when I had four children) I worry about it. I have a hard time resting if I can see clutter. I feel that I need to be up and working. I know that Louise is the same way.
While I was sick we decided to get house help. It was the best money I ever spent…to this day I still tell the woman that cleans my house I would go without food before I would go without her. When I was sick, on the days I felt terrible or tired from my treatments, I did not have to even think about my house. What a relief that my sanctuary remained so when I needed it most.
I know that Louise wants to have things as normal as possible and doing her own work seems to be best to her right now. I have to be okay with her way of dealing. But as her treatments progress, I think the denial that things are normal will fade away and it will be a spotlight on how NOT normal things are when she is too tired or weak to function. At that point I guess she can reconsider, until then pray that the two of them have the ability to keep that house in a state that keeps her satisfied. And that they will ask for help when they need it, not something they are comfortable doing.

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