I sit on our back porch with this spectacular morning view wondering, how do you say goodbye to a dog who helped you raise your kids?  I remember when Hannah turned 10 and Bill’s mom took her to a friends house to pick out a puppy.  It was one mass of puppy breath and wiggly tails.  When Hannah sat down on the grass they practically covered her.  Every one of them was adorable.  How do you pick when they are all trying so hard to get your attention.  She picked one of the lighter ones because they were fuzzier.  Jessie came right up and licked Hannah on the face and never left her.  For a few weeks we went everyday anticipating the day she would finally be old enough to leave her mother.  It was an exciting day when Jessie Nicole Gunnin came to live with us. 

            The kids loved her from the beginning and from the beginning she loved them.  She was house trained almost immediately because she was smart.  She wanted nothing more than to be loved and thought herself a lapdog.  Not too hard when she was a puppy, but more difficult as she grew.  The kids taught her to jump on the trampoline.  Before long she was standing at the little mesh door of the enclosure whining to get in.  Everyday she jumped…or rather sat and bounced while they jumped. 

When she wasn’t in the midst of the fun, she was standing guard over the kids’ right below.  One time when a man came over to pick up his son from our house I was shocked to see our friendly family dog turn vicious.  It seems as the man pulled up and walked towards the trampoline to pick up his son Jessie did not recognize him.  She barked, growled and bared her teeth.  Needless to say he backed off until I got there.  It was that day she went from a puppy to a mommy protecting her kids.

We eventually adopted another puppy named Rusty.  He is a far cry from smart.  When we got him he was only 2 pounds, and Jessie took him in like he was her own puppy.  She could have eaten him in one bite but instead she raised him and protected him.  They were inseparable and to watch them play and wrestle you could see her gentleness with him.  She had such a gentle heart.

We all loved that dog.  Everyone who met her loved her almost immediately because she had such a sweet spirit about her.  There are some rare dogs that steal your heart completely and you do not fully realize how much until they are gone.  She was one of our family members for sure and she will be missed greatly.  She taught my kids the meaning of unconditional love.  She taught them devotion.  They learned to care and be sensitive to others from watching her with Rusty.  They learned how to love and be loved in return.  She comforted them in sad times, because as they sat and petted her she looked at them with her eyes that seemed to understand it all.  She gave a quiet companionship through those eyes.  It is so hard to say goodbye to a pet like that.  It is painfully ironic that she survived the fire only to die like she did.  It is just wrong on so many levels. 

I know that God is good and still sits on the throne, but I would have liked for this to have been played out differently.  I know that he knows what he is doing and I am okay with that, but to watch my kids suffer tears my heart out.  maybe the tears that are flowing are a release of pent up feelings from the fire.  Maybe in the long run this is helping them to grieve all the changes.  Now it has been a couple of days, life is moving once again.  We are gearing up for school and Jessie’s passing is already not stinging as much as it did that first day.  We are each having our moments of sadness, but it is not all encompassing as it was. 

She was a beautiful dog in every way. And though it is hard to say goodbye, the lessons we learned from her and the fun we had with her will live on.  We are all a bit lost without her, but we will find our way and be compassionately stronger because of it.  She was such a blessing and if dogs really do go to heaven, she is sitting at the feet of Jesus…nudging his right hand trying to get him to pet her.