I unpacked my chemo bag today. I must say it felt quite good to put it in the top of the closet. I unloaded my books, thank you notes and snacks. My blanket, my bible, cd player and cd’s were put away where they belong. I smiled when it was empty. What a relief…what a joy that overcame me at this symbolic action. I just praised God and smiled some more.
Today is also the last of my low blood days. This time has not been nearly as bad as the last round…(thank you all for praying) My heart rate is a little elevated sometimes but it isn’t constant. I am only dizzy when I bend down to pick something up. No ringing in the ears. I have blood work tomorrow that hopefully will confirm what I am feeling…that it is low but not dangerously low. Then all counts begin to rise…through the roof I say! Energy increases…life begins again. I won’t hear about my blood until Friday probably. I get a red count shot tomorrow too. That should make sure everything continues to go up. Only one more shot after that and one more blood test…at least until my once a month starts in Feb. My next hurdle to cross is the CT scan I have the 29th…it is supposed to be a baseline and they will tell me all about it on Feb. 4th or so. One step towards being completely finished, I move from one day at a time to one month at a time…then 3 then 6 and before I know it my 5 year mark will be here. Just think I am coming up on one year…in July…not that far away.
Michelle's Mosaic 
Unpacking, unpacking the obvious things you kept around you, and slowly over the course of this next year or so, you will unpack in moments, the effect this journey has had on you..The good effects, the slower pace that produced a certain type fruit. You will probably find pockets of fear and “what if’s” lingering in creases. You will find lingering emotional goods and bads in pockets you forgot to check! The journey shifts from hard core appointments with chemo, to other evidence.
The good and the bad…The tears and the joy.
As you turn back into “all that you know” it will be interesting how much of your old life stays behind and how much of the new awarenesses stay in this quieter place. Interesting
You are probably right about all of the pockets. I already know that there is more than I can see or feel right now. But now is all I can do at the moment…really at any moment. Just like this time I found more depth than I knew I had, so next time (whatever that is) I will find deeper meaning from this experience. Funny how God plants seeds we can’t even see until later. Unless a seed falls to the ground and dies it cannot grow… That reminds me I need to read Hindsfeet on High Places again…