I am a bit on edge tonight.  Somehow, when they poke and stick me, it is hard but when they have to do it to one of my kids, it is harder.  William will have surgery December 18^th.  It is the same one Peter had a few years ago (adenoids and sinuses)…and it has made a huge difference for him.  I am hopeful that it will for William as well. 

Today when I took him to the surgeon, I had a hard time.  I was not expecting it all to hit me at that moment, but it did.  I was trying to schedule pre-op, a CT scan, and two surgeries (it is a two-part procedure) all around my chemo schedule and it all came down around me.  I fought it off for the sake of William, who tends to be as fearful as I am when it comes to doctors. However, inside I was on the edge of a big melt down.  I think the doctors office, the procedures, and the complicated way that life is these days just got to me.  I feel fine, but emotionally I am having hard time today.  I can still feel my emotions churning just below the surface, even after the tears I finally shed when I got home.  Hormones maybe?  Could be…but it is more likely the result of a very long 5 months.