I had a meltdown today.  It seems that my port is difficult to find…just like my veins.  After trying several times it was too inflamed to get it soooooo guess what?  They had to find an IV sight.  It was between my wrist and my hand once they got it…it took awhile but only one collapse then they were in.  The problem was that every time I moved my right hand the tube kinked and the machine hovering over me beeped that I was not getting my full dose.  So I had to keep my right hand immobilized the whole time, meaning that Bill, God bless him, had to help me in the bathroom…it is hard to use only your left hand, you should try it sometime.  On top of all of this my dam broke and I couldn’t stop crying.  I have had enough of this stuff already!  If they could just get it in easily it wouldn’t be so bad but this needle thing is tormenting me…and my fears. 

Once I was all connected and had swallowed the anxiety medicine they put under my tongue I felt much better. 

I saw the doc today and he says I am healing both internally and externally.  That was good to hear.  He worked on my incision some but by now I had benedryl pulsing through my veins so I was a happy, groggy camper.  He also removed a mole from under my armpit because the chemo had made it irritated.  One shot of pain killer and he knifed it right off.  All in all he said my blood looked good and I am healing!!  Good report. The medicines went in today with much less effects.  I was good and groggy but it didn’t burn or tingle like last time. I did have to have an insulin shot…Bill had fun doing it for me. My white count was in the low normal rage and while that is good for this treatment, it will not come up enough by next treatment so I have to go to the hospital Wed. for a shot.  Next week I return to the hospital for a test to find my port…they shoot dye in my body and see how it goes through the port.  They say they may be able to manipulate it while they are watching it…I don’t know about you but that sounds like a double anxiety pill day to me!

My friend Jessica came today to sit with me and visit.  I think I was kind of out of it some of the time but it was nice to attempt a conversation!  She is one of my greatest cheerleaders.  She took some pictures and so I should have some posted soon…with the wig.  Maybe later I will get up my nerve to show you my shiny head…but not today. 

I also had some beautiful music my husband put on a CD for me to listen to.  He has been meaning to record some of his music for years and now I finally have it. (Thanks Heather for pushing him to get it done.)  I slept to that peaceful music as I rested.  It makes me feel like I am home and far away from needles and medicines.  It draws me to the Lord…even in the midst of a difficult day. It was a wonderful blessing.  Now to bed to sleep this day away and start another one tomorrow in the beautiful weather we are having!  One day at a time….