How many chairs will I sit in on this journey of mine?  Today’s was a black leather chair in a hair salon.  The room was small and peach in color.  There were only three chairs and one was at a shampoo bowl. Two of the four walls had mirrors.  There was another chair for mom, who came to cheer me on.  The stylist set to work shaving after asking me if I wanted to watch or not.  No way.  The chair turned away from the mirror as the hair started to fall.  I fought the tears off and just as I thought I would break down I looked in the mirror and was shocked to see my brother staring back at me…at least it looked just like him.  I was so stunned I forgot to cry.  I never realized how much we looked alike until today.  Mom agreed.  Then when they put the wig on it was wavy and mid length and again I looked in the mirror.  This time I saw my sister.  I had no idea how much difference a hair style can make.  If all three of us shaved our heads we would look like triplets!  It was kind of weird and then funny.  It made me laugh and not cry…that was an unexpected surprise on this day of trauma.  Loosing hair was one of the things I most dreaded about this journey but I decided that it didn’t involve needles or pain, so it wasn’t so bad.  I think I braced myself for the emotion of it all and I was able to put that aside…at least until I had to take my wig off in front of Bill.  Then the tears came, but only for a few minutes. 

The kids think my wig looks “different” and “poofy.”  Hannah didn’t want to look when the wig came off.  That reaction was a bit of a surprise to me and I hadn’t really thought about how the kids would feel about a bald mom.  We have talked about it, joked about it and tried to make it a light hearted thing but it is obvious that, Hannah at least, is not taking it light hearted.  That is hard for me but I respect her feelings and know that none of this has been easy for my kids, that fact brings tears to my eyes.  They have been great so far but Hannah particularly holds in her feelings and that makes me worry about her some. They all four have a sensitive side so it is something to watch in the days of getting used to a bald mom. We will get through it together and that is the important thing to remember, that and that hair grows back…