Today I had a meltdown. I am tired of people hurting me and I just couldn’t do it anymore. The nurse was great. She worked slow and easy waiting anytime I needed it. But I just am tired of it all. I don’t want to have cancer anymore. I don’t want to have anymore operations. I don’t want to have my guts pulled out again on Monday. My emotional state went out of control. I guess I have known that things were out of control since the beginning of this journey but today my emotions caught up with that in a huge way. I couldn’t stop the wailing or the tears.
My husband is my hero. He was a trooper to a babbling wife with tears streaming and no end in sight…he just held me. It was so much like what God does in these moments that I was amazed. We all know that Bill is funny and has a whacky sense of humor. He is talented with music like nobody I know, but today I remembered the main reason I love him so much. This sensitive side of him that most people don’t get to see is right what I need when I need it. Most men I know would run from these kind of tears…or maybe call their wife a woman friend to talk to. Bill knew what I needed. He knew there weren’t words to fix it. He knows me, like nobody else…at the deepest place. There is a powerful bond between us. I needed that kind of unconditional love today and he was there for me. Only God knows me better. I am grateful for my husband!