Allow me to paint a picture of the American Dream. It doesn’t start in America. It starts in a faraway place. A place where dreams are either forbidden or nonexistent. Maybe a place of war or famine. Maybe a place of poverty or oppression. Maybe a place with no opportunities. Devoid of hope. Then they … Continue reading The American Dream
life
Oncologist
I walked through the glass door with my heart in my throat. It is an automated response to this place. My pulse rate increases as I try to find an empty chair. Once a cancer patient, always a cancer patient. I am the only woman with hair today; thin though it is, it’s better than … Continue reading Oncologist
Memorial Day
I am struggling. There I said it. Seeing it on the page in black and white helps me define my last few weeks. It’s been almost 6 months since Dad passed, but for some reason I have had a wave of emotion that feels fresh and new. Painful again. I am aware that grief doesn’t … Continue reading Memorial Day
Another First
There have been some tears this week. At first, I didn’t recognize the source. So many things happening, some of them good, some of them painful. I chalked my lethargic state up to having a fabulous week last week at the Folk School. Always fun, but also always exhausting. I came home tired. Said goodbye … Continue reading Another First
Sister Tattoos (Part 2)
Four years ago, Melinda and I got sister tattoos as part of our caregiver journey. I wrote about it here. Back then, we marked our hard journey; etched it on our bodies as a way to memorialize the love between Mom and Dad. Dementia was taking its toll and Dad was a weary knight in … Continue reading Sister Tattoos (Part 2)
Bracing Myself
Me among the daffodils as a child. When grieving, I know to brace myself for the “firsts” …first holiday season, first Mother’s Day, first Father’s Day, etc… This Friday will be Mom’s birthday. She would have been 86. My photo memories have already sent me last year’s pictures of her birthday celebration. My heart was … Continue reading Bracing Myself
January 2, 2025
As of today, I have reached 19 post-cancer bonus years. I continue to be amazed of all that I carry from my journey through Cancerland. Nothing can teach me hard lessons like a hard road, and the 19 years cancer free, is the trade-off for all pain of that horrible time. With lots of tears, … Continue reading January 2, 2025
Dad’s Eulogy
Sunday we laid Dad to rest right next to Mom. It was a cold, but sunny day. The service was beautiful and Dad would have been pleased to see his friends and family in attendance. We know because of the cold weather and the holidays, many who would have liked to attend could not. Therefore, … Continue reading Dad’s Eulogy
Fear and Anxiety
I have a very physical reaction to fear and anxiety. I’m not sure this was always true, but life has brought me a significant number of traumatic events and therefore, when I am nervous for any reason, my heart rate climbs, my hands sweat, and my breathing gets shallow. My stomach does flips with butterflies … Continue reading Fear and Anxiety
Tossing and Turning
I can’t sleep. Tossing and turning, turns to wandering thoughts, turns to climbing out of bed and into my writing chair. The little girl inside of me speaks up. She reminds me that when she couldn’t sleep, Dad would let her climb onto his lap in his chair. It was a Lazy Boy that creaked … Continue reading Tossing and Turning
Michelle's Mosaic 