Here is a quick note...I had a bone scan yesterday.  It was primarily to get a baseline since I no longer produce estrogen.  They want to make sure my bones do not lose mass.  The technician said that all looked good, but the doctor will call to tell me that later.  I was happy to have such a simple test...I didn't even have to undress...I can't remember the last time I got to stay fully clothed at a doctors office! 

I am starting to get geared up for school.  Rather, I am trying to finish all the things I wanted to do around here this summer.  I have painted the bathroom that started the redecorating last year.  It is finally looking more like what I had envisioned.  It should have been a simple process to paint a bathroom...I hired two different people to do it.  It turned into a mess when the badly pealing wallpaper tore up the wall coming off.  Then I tried to have someone cover the holes with a faux finish that didn't work.  Yesterday I did a different finish and it worked!  In the meantime I also wrote my final paper for my class...just plain busy.  Now I will be getting kids to eye doctor, dentists, haircuts etc... for the next couple of weeks.  I can feel the pace picking up already.  I am not ready for it but I will have to be soon...like it or not. 

If you have never been to a DCI (Drum Corp International) competition you should go to one.  They have been described as "marching band on steroids" and the "major league of marching band."  Yesterday, we took the kids...all but Peter...and went to the Southeastern Regional event at the Georgia Dome.  Bill was able to get discounted tickets through his professor at school.  It was amazing even to someone who doesn't know anything about band...such as me.  I was amazed at the power of the bugle corp and the drum work was unbelieveable.  The shows were elaborate with dancers and rifles, and flags.  There were probably 20 bands there and it was an all day event.  We arrived home exhausted at 1:00 am.  But I would say it was worth it.  My kids loved it and were inspired for band camp in a couple of weeks.  I never cease to be amazed at the creativity God implanted into humans.  We know we are like him in that way but to see so many ways and outlets for it is truely inspiring. 

I was on my way to Atlanta this morning.  As I came around a small curve in the road, I saw an army of sunflowers, all in rows.  They were not the big sunflowers, rather the smaller ones that are mixed into bouquets at the store.  Their heads were turned away from me…towards the east as they awaited a view of their commander, the sun.  As I looked in my rear view mirror, their golden heads showed, thus creating another picture of the nature of God.  Devotion. 

Their faces are upturned, never straying from their source of life.  If there are clouds, as there were today, they still know just where to look.  The sun is ever so steady and dependable to provide them the light that they need.  It is a picture of the devoted relationship between God and his followers.  He is there, even when obscured by the storms of life…he is behind the clouds, providing the needed nourishment, if we will just look up.  Unlike humans, the faces of the sunflowers never stray to each other, or turn around to look behind.  They steadfastly look to the one that is the source of there adoration.  They are devoted and do not forget their source of strength.  Wherever the sun moves they move as well.  If we could be as devoted as this, our lives would be simpler.  Confusion would not reign because our focus would be sure. 

In time, the flower’s seeds feed the animals and birds that are near. The flowers do not seek this attraction, it happens naturally because of their devotion to the sun.  As believers, others are drawn to our fruit.  Spiritually, they come to us to eat and be filled on the overflow of our relationship. As we continue to look up, they will find the sun is our source of devotion. We do not seek this arrangement, but it is built into us as the seeds are in the flowers.

In rows, they look like a splendid army, arrayed in golden armor.  They are a reflection of the golden light of the sun…as we are a reflection of the one we adore. We lift our heads and hands to the Lord and we reflect his characteristics…his love, and his beauty.  All together, we are his army. We move as one because we are one with him.

  Then as we are moved, we await our commander and follow him wherever he sends us, to the uttermost parts of the earth.  We reach out and share his light with those around us.  We can be put into a mixed bouquet, but we will never be disguised or hidden.  We will stand tall and turn our faces so that everyone that sees us will look up to see what we see.  They will long to know our secret devotion and to eat of our fruit. Turn your face up…and see the Son.

Do you know where you were 21 years ago tonight? (This is posted on the 12th even though the computer probably will put in on the 13th)  Many of you were at our wedding!  Remember the one that felt as if the candles could melt it was so hot…oh yeah…they did melt!  I am greatly appreciative of all of you that went to the time and effort to make it to our special day.  This year especially I can see how blessed I am to have found Bill.  I could not have gotten through this battle without him.  He has been super patient and understanding the whole way.  I have felt cherished.  I am glad that he did not have to deal with the “’til death do you part” section of the vows.  However, he has definitely lived up to the in sickness and health part. 

You know when you take those vows you are young.  I don’t really know if you fully understand the kind of commitment you are making.  When you have a bad year, like this one, the rubber meets the road and the commitment becomes real.  It is hard, but it is a deep bond of intimacy.  Not the kind of intimacy people think of on their wedding day…true intimacy is proven when someone has to help you go to the bathroom or walk or shower.  But the bond of trauma and hardship makes a marriage stronger than before.  My husband has been a life-saver throughout this ordeal for me.  He is a blessing from God.

Here is a brief update for you...I am doing well.  According to the doctor the troubles I am having are normal after this surgery.  I am still not emptying all the way which causes me to have to go more often.  Sometimes are better than others but that is to be expected.  My port incision is healing nicely now that the adhesive strips are off.  They were causing quite the rash...if you remember I have had this issue before when my hys. incision came open...this is nothing compared to that!  Once the blisters scab over and heal up I will be good...and NO MORE PORT!  Hurray!  I can sleep on my left side again without that annoying pain in my shoulder.  I am just so grateful to be here one year later.  It seems like a bad dream.  I am in good health.  I go back for an oncology check up on Friday but according to my regular gyno everything is normal...what a relief that is.

I am now working on my end of course paper for graduate school.  It is a big one.  So if I fall off the planet for a day or two you will know why!  It is due on Friday to my group of classmates...then Sunday to my professor.  Once it is finished this course is over!  Only three more to go until graduation...count down.  Some of that will be my research and will need your prayers to get through :)  Thanks for being there and keeping up with me.  I could have never done this year without any of you.

There is something about summer and blackberries.  They just go together.  I remember as a kid getting dressed to pick berries the color of midnight as they weighed down the bush.  I would wear my boots, because my grandmother said they would protect against snakes. She didn’t like snakes at all.  Then my jeans were tucked into the boots to protect from chiggers.  I had on long sleeves to protect from briars and my hair was braided to protect from other bugs.  I remember hearing the berries hit the bottom of the bucket, plop, plop…until the bottom was covered.  The sun beat down and the sweat mixed with the purple juice on my fingers.  Once the bucket was full, we took the black treasure into the kitchen to begin the summer ritual of cobbler making.  The berries soaked in the kitchen sink, while my mom pulled out the ones that were not just right.  My sister and grandmother made the dough, while mom cooked the berries with just the right amount of sugar.  The best part of the cobbler was the purple tongues after it was eaten.  Even the grown ups had purple smiles.

Yesterday, we picked blackberries.  Actually, we pulled up the blackberry bushes that were taking over our yard.  It made for easy picking for me and the kids.  We sat on the driveway and Bill brought the berries to us.  Then the empty bushes were tossed onto the pile.  Easy.  Still itchy, with lots of bugs but we did not have to dig through the briars to get the fruit.  I made a cobbler.  Our purple tongues matched our purple stained fingers when we were through. Another summer ritual satisfied as the katydids began to sing to the moon.  I love the summer!

I have a couple of requests for all my praying friends.  A few years ago, our church had a Christian comedian come in after our very big and stressful Christmas production.  He had us in stitches…it was a great evening of release.  Since then, he and I have been e-mail buddies as I have sent him funny moments in my classroom.  I just found out yesterday that his 3-year-old daughter Kennedy Grace has cancer…leukemia to be exact.  I cannot tell you how this grabbed my heart in my chest.  To think of a 3-year-old going through what I went through and worse…it makes me angry.  I have never liked the enemy of our souls, but this is too much.  This family has 3 small children and a dad that travels.  I know that they would appreciate your prayers that this terrible disease be eradicated from their daughter’s body.  I would add to pray that there would be smooth medical procedures, as you can imagine having to explain to a 3 year old why all of these painful things HAVE to be done to her.  Their names are Kenn and Heather Kington.  His website has a link to their blog about Kennedy’s progress.  It is www.kennkington.com 

After this shocking news, Hannah came in with yet another prayer request.  Christian recording artist Russ Lee (you have heard him on the radio) is a friend of our music minister.  They were supposed to stop at one of his concerts on the way home from Branson.  The concert was canceled due to the fact that his wife has cancer!  Can you believe this?  They went in to remove what they thought was a cyst and found cancer.  I am not sure of the details…but Hannah said she thinks they had to remove part of her spleen and pancreas.  Like I said, I am not sure but I know that this needs prayer as well. 

Those that have committed their lives to full time ministry are under attack, as you can see.  Please pray for them…as well as your own pastors and their families.  The battle is heating up and they are the first targets.  As you battle on your knees for these please pray for peace that passes understanding and wisdom.  I know you are prayer warriors because you got me through my battle…thank you for your hearts of prayer.

           This date is significant.  I heard that people everywhere are getting married and having babies on this date.  It is a lucky number I guess 7-7-7.  I have to say that it has me thinking, because it is a huge date in my life.  One year ago today, I heard the words every one fears…you have cancer.  It was like a physical blow to my body just to hear the words.  Can you imagine how big a word is to be able to take your breath away just hearing it? 

My mind was numb, my body in fearful shock.  What a day that was, 7-7-06.  I didn’t know what was ahead that day, other than a whirlwind of medical procedures I didn’t know anything about.  The word crashed around in my head, taunting me for days. 

Now I look back.  Wow, how far I have come in one long/short year…hysterectomy, open incision, chemo, no hair, new hair then surgery again.  That is a lot for one body to endure.  But what my body endured is nothing compared to what my spirit learned.  God is soooo incredibly faithful.  And as I flew over Mt. McKinley in Alaska , I realized cancer isn’t such a big word.  God is infinitely bigger.  His majesty is greater.  His compassion and mercy are endless. 

My heart is overwhelmed at the year.  I had what will hopefully, be my last surgery, planned for last week specifically to be finished before the one-year mark.  In the bible, the number 7 is the number of completion…the number of God.  I choose to think that God had it all planned that this day would be a day of rejoicing for me.  I do not think it is coincidence.  It is a day I will never forget.  The day the bully cancer came to push me around. It is a day I will always remember…the day that I realized that cancer is a very small word. 

         There are certain foods that hit the spot.  I know that when I am sick or hurting I turn to those foods to comfort me. (I also know that this habit can get me into trouble diet wise.)  It is not really the foods so much, as it is the memories of the feelings they bring.  These foods are like family because they are associated with all family gatherings. 

          This week my mom made my dinner after I returned from the hospital…a good home cooked meal.  On that plate were memories of warm family times.  Christmas was on that plate, as was Easter.  It was just what I needed to begin the recovery process from surgery.

            As I ate, both my grandmothers were there, comforting me. One grandmother was there through the green beans and the other through macaroni and cheese.  If smells can bring back memories, then tastes transport me back to times gone by.  I was instantly comforted when I ate this home-cooked with love dinner.  I know it sounds crazy, but this food began my healing.  Nutrition was only a minor player here.  Emotionally, it caught me off guard how quickly my mouth and mind connected the flavors to my grandmothers.  I miss them and I always feel it when there are smells and tastes around that remind me of them.   And the care my mom took to bring me just the right thing at just the right time solidified our family’s time honored tradition of comfort foods…there is a long list.  But for me this week, green beans and mac and cheese were the ones that sparked the nurture and care of family. 

In illness, it is remarkable the things that you appreciate.  Little things that didn’t matter before, like who cooked what at holidays matter now.  The little things are what get you through the hard times.  This surgery was minor compared to this previous year.  I am recovering nicely and feel relatively normal.  My body is adjusting to this new intrusion and I think it will be back to regular once I practice enough.  Again, I am grateful to God for bringing me through…and for comfort foods.

          I have fallen behind in my writing as I guess you can tell.  Bill and I decided since we were child-less and dog-less that we should take advantage.  We went to Highlands to see our friend Pete perform at the Highlands Playhouse.  The show was Kiss Me Kate and it was great.  We found a little Bed and Breakfast that was cozy so we stayed there.  It was an enjoyable, slow paced, Fourth of July.  We meandered and moseyed, two things we have not done in some time. We dropped in on mom and dad and ended up having dinner there, then we wandered on home to an empty house.    No schedule, nothing planned, just stop when we wanted, and see what we wanted…it was perfect. 

It did make me think…what is Jason’s family doing today?  Do you celebrate our country even more when your child sacrificed his life to preserve it, or do you think more solemnly of the cost of freedom?  My guess is that it is both.  It had to be an emotional day for any family that has lost a loved one in battle.  I think that is why the World War II generation is so seriously patriotic…they lived with the cost of our freedom.  They breathed it and so they understand the balance of celebration and remembrance.  The fireworks and barbeque are hard won privileges that most of us take for granted in our great country.  The Fourth of July is a time to relax and mosey…and remember.