Today a friend said “Isn’t it a beautiful day?”  That struck me. Normally, I would not say that pouring down rain and 40 degrees was a beautiful day.  However, in light of the drought it was exactly the kind of day we needed. She was right it was beautiful.

I think it is all a matter of perspective.  When we are in a drought rain is beautiful, in a flood the sun is a welcome relief.  As humans we are like that as well.  When things are tough we seek God.  When they are not, we do not.  In a perspective changing moment all that we have thought is one way becomes another.  Our definitions change of what is beautiful and what is needed.  I am glad that God doesn’t change like we do.  He is a rock that is solid.  He does not need to change the definitions.  He is the same yesterday, today and forever.  The drought does not ruffle him, he sends the rain.  I am thankful that he sent us this beautiful day…I will rejoice and be glad in it.

It is Thanksgiving. Each year I have my students create an acrostic poem using the first letters of the word.  This year, as an example,  I have created my own.  Here it is to share with you.  Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

T- thankful
H- health and happiness
A-abiding love
N-network of friends
K- kids of my womb
S-survival
G-glorious freedom
I-intimate realtionship with God
V-victory over cancer
I-important lessons
N-nature's beauty
G-God's grace and goodness

It is close to midnight on November 21st.  I am taking a late-night moment to reflect.  It is a momentous day.  My first born turned 18 today.  For those of you who have walked this walk to adulthood with your children already, I ask that you bear with me.  This is my first one.  I know, as with every milestone, it is bigger with her.  I am in unfamiliar territory.  That is part of the job of the firstborn…to pave the way for the others that follow.  I must say that Hannah has handled this unspoken burden well.  She has been the first to experience heartaches that come with being a teenager, the first to have braces, zits, and dates.  Even now we prepare for her to go to college…first. 

I do love this girl and I am so proud of the young lady she is becoming.  I rejoice with her as she begins to spread her wings.  I cannot wait to see all that God will do in her life.  Yet it is a bittersweet road we are walking.  She is reminding me that this is a year of “last times.”  I think she is sad about it, and a bit afraid of going on…weren’t we all?  She has said, more than once, “What am I going to do next year without you and dad to get advice from?”  I tell her, “You will call us.”  I will miss her curling up in the bed next to me at night just to talk.  All of the kids started this while I was sick.  It was like they would come to me, rather than have me come to them.  They would just come and lay next to me just to tell me about their day, both successes and problems.  It was a sweet time that has stuck beyond cancer.  It is these times that I treasure with Hannah.  We have grown closer this past year.  It will make the separation harder for both of us, however, it is a new and necessary phase. 

Eighteen years have flown by with the blink of an eye.  She was a baby only yesterday.  Then the toddling around grew into dancing.  Her love for the Lord has blossomed and begun the long process of maturing as she has grown in stature.  It is amazing to think of all the growth I have witnessed over her lifetime.  In the years to come, her life will take shape before my eyes but away from my house.  Now more than ever I am on my knees asking God to bless my precious daughter as she enters adulthood.

Good news today.  I went to the oncologist for my 4 month checkup and my CA125 was 8.4. That is a blood test that is a tumor marker and if it is elevated that is bad... It has to be under 34 so I am doing very good!  I do not have to go back for 4 more months.  I have to have a CT scan before then for my one year scan.  All in all alot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving!  Have a wonderful holiday everyone!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!  I am at mom and dad's tonight enjoying family time.  For those of you who do not know we have our thanksgiving celebration the weekend BEFORE Thanksgiving each year at mom and dad's house.  I had a terrible week at work and this was just what I needed to begin the holiday season. 
We were late coming up because of the White County play off game that went into overtime!  It was an exciting game, though freezing, and we were ahead until the last quarter.  Then there was a tie and we lost at the last minute.  Heartbreaking to watch those boys get so close to loose.  It was played at Grady stadium in Atlanta so it was quite an experience for everyone and we have never seen a band play like that one... :)  We didn't get home until 1:00am.  Up early to come on up to Clayton and then we all chilled out and relaxed all day.  Fun times.

           The dictionary defines grace as “God’s unmerited favor; mercy.”  I have heard numerous sermons on this topic over the years. These messages often use the two words grace and mercy interchangeably; however, over the course of my life, I have come see them as two distinctly different attributes of God.  Continuing further down the dictionary entry, one of the definitions stands out to me: “the influence or spirit of God operating in humans to regenerate or strengthen them.” God’s spirit strengthening me…that is the grace I know.

There are references throughout the bible about the grace of God, but my favorite is “He resists the proud and gives grace to the humble.”  When I am walking in his grace, I am empowered to do that to which he has called me.  I love this about him.  He calls me to something, and then gives me the grace to do it because I cannot do it myself.  The strength to go through life, through cancer, through work, comes through his sacrifice. You fill in the blank with your own difficult situation.  Then remember…grace empowers.

At dusk, lift your face and watch the light streaming through cotton candy clouds.  As the sun fades, the colors change from pink to purple, red to orange. A spectacular palate of vivid color is blended in such a way to draw our eyes to the horizon. Each night a different masterpiece appears, and we are in awe.  The creator displays his splendor in a sunset…a picture of his grace.

 The parallel is that at the end of the day, the moments you walked, and the work you did, blend together to create your own portrait of his grace.  You were empowered by him to complete your tasks, to make a difference in a life, to minister to others, to live fully and love completely.  Ideally, your day was filled with peace, because you responded to his leading.  The colors in the day of your life blend and create a picture that points others to the horizon and causes them to look up. 

Is everyday filled with his grace?   I believe it could be, however, we also have to remember the human factor.  We forget.  We get busy. We make mistakes.  Here is where the difference between the power of grace and the compassion of mercy comes in. After a day when I fail to use his grace, comes the darkness of night.  I am tired from striving.  I am grieved from falling. I am weak from confusion.  Stumbling through the dark of my choice to live without his grace I find a place on my knees.  I cry out my new choice and the sun comes up in the morning of my life.  The light will stream through the darkness of the previous night, and mercy begins again.  “His mercy is new every morning.”  The rays of sunlight break through the clouds to remind me of his unmerited favor in my life.  He will not leave me or forsake me no matter how badly I deserve it.  I can walk in his grace or I can walk away from it, and his mercy will still endure forever.  He will not walk away from me because the sunrise brings hope of a new day…every day.

          I wrote a really cute little blog yesterday right before my computer crashed.  Fortunately this was one of those crashes that you know is coming before it happens so I was able to save all of my writing.  Now I am tied to my desktop and wondering how I ever did this before.  It is similar to when I first got adjusted to a cell phone, then had to go back to one with a cord temporarily.  How did I ever do this?  I did not realize how much I use my laptop on the go...in the car, at football practice etc...  I tell you what, if anyone ever manages a big crash of our countries computers, we are in big trouble! The tech people at work are diligently working on restoring my computer after completely stripping it today.  Hopefully by tomorrow I will have it back in working order.
         My cute blog was about Hannah and her dad hunting bolts for a car tag. Last spring, she was at Berry one weekend and bought a car tag.  She had never put it on because she wanted to wait until she was offically accepted.  Well that happened yesterday, and last night at about 10:00 with flashlights she and Bill were attaching that tag to her car.  I am not sure what was shining brighter, the mirror letters spelling out Berry or her smile.  I was cheering with her as that means no more SAT or ACT tests!  My eyes were also moist with tears, as I saw clearly this new phase approaching me with the speed of a run away train.  We are thrilled and beginning to see her spread her wings as she gets ready to leave our nest.  I am fortunate that I have three more to soften the adjustment of the first one.  Seasons are changing... 

           For a long time I have loved wildflowers.  When I was a child I used to keep a wildflower journal.  I would identify a blossom and where I found it on our property.  It was my little black notebook which held the treasures of the flowers.  I think it was the intricacies of each little creation that held my fascination.  The tiny detail that is completely different in each flower.  To me, it pointed to God, even at my young age. 

I still love the wildflowers best out of all the flowers.  Do not get me wrong, landscaped gardens are spectacular.  There is nothing like a well manicured rose garden to create beauty.  When I was visiting England , I perused some of the most breathtaking gardens I have ever seen.  I considered, however briefly, turning my front yard into an English garden upon my return to the states.  There is beauty in the flowers that inspires. 

But the wildflowers say something different to my heart.  They are free and wild without boundaries. They are tenacious. They grow in the cracks of rocks and in the deep of the woods.  Unusual places are filled with exquisite delicacy.  When walking through the outdoors, they appear unexpectedly like a surprise party around a curve, or in a field.  It draws me deeper, around the next bend in the path to find out what awaits me there.  Like a trail of bread crumbs scattered to speak to me, “come this way,” “look over here.”

Wildflowers are hearty and the plants have the tenacity of a weed.  In fact, many of them are weeds.  Have you seen them in crevasses in rocks?  How do they hold on there and why would God put them there? They survive despite wind and weather to bring brilliant color to their environment each year. Whether there are people around to see them or not does not matter. They thrive.

I can imagine God and his paint brush adding color to his creation with the wildflowers.  There are flowers in places that no person may ever even see and yet, he put them there.  It makes me think of his kindness and his desire to bring color to our lives along the way.  I can be walking on life’s journey when a new friendship buds.  A smile on a bad day is like a blossom to my weary heart.  A child’s laughter pops up in the most unusual situations and reminds me of his desire for me to be wild and free.  He dots my life with so much color because of his kindness to me.  He did not have to add these little pleasures, just as he did not have to give us wildflowers to delight our eyes.  It was his choice to shower us with his little blessings even in the most difficult places because he is so kind.  He does not want us to get bogged down in life on the hard roads, or in the cracks in the rock.  He wants us to remember he cares for us no matter where our path leads.

          I can feel the winds of change around me.  I am not just referring to the changes in the seasons.  Yesterday the leaves were magnificent.  The yellows are at their glowing stage so that when the sun hits them just in the right way they look like gold.  As the winds blew yesterday the leaves began to let go for their float to the ground.  The strength of the wind caused it to rain leaves of all colors creating a beautiful fall scene.  There was a nip in the air that had a cold edge to it, gentle at one moment, like a knife the next.  The signs of the change are all around.

            In my life I can see the changes as well.  Friday night was senior night at the football game.  I was proud to walk my daughter down the track as part of her last home game in the band.  It was gentle at one moment, and like a knife the next.  I chose the gentle as I pushed the knife, and the tears that came with it, to the back of my mind.  It was the first of the transition goodbyes she will make in the next few months.  I am sure that as the move away gets closer, my tears will surface and the pain of the knife will hurt as I release my first child.  Bittersweet.  Life season changes are like that.  It is time.  It is right.  But it will hurt.

            At work the winds are blowing as well.  The color of my job has faded somewhat, but where that will lead I do not know.  I feel as if I am a leaf awaiting my float to the next thing.  I have not let go as of yet, but the wind is pushing and getting ready to cut me loose.  I went to a writer’s conference yesterday and was inspired again to write.  I know that God has made a deposit into me.  He has given me words, as a gift.  I feel that he has much he wants me to share.  At the conference, I was able to make some great connections with other authors, some that know this industry inside and out.  I need that kind of friendship if I decide to launch into this new field.  One thing I did learn is that it is a gradual process.  There will not be a sudden shift from full time teaching to full time writing in the course of a couple of months.  It left me wondering what God is up to with me.  How he will transition and shift me into his next phase of my life.  His wind is blowing and, for now, I am hanging on to life as I know it.  But I feel it in my spirit that things are shifting.  How long that change will take I do not know months or…maybe years.  It is in these moments that I am grateful it is not my place to know or figure out or strive to make the changes coming my way.  It is my job to float and allow him to carry me in his winds of change.

I think it is such a miracle when a baby is born.  It is like God is saying that he is for us.  He could so easily just zap babies here but he chooses to allow us to participate with him in creation.  Amazing.  Life is like that.  We think we have so much control but really he is doing all the work of forming us.  We are just waiting for him to bring our purposes to life.  We grow and mature just as an infant does, but we are still totally dependent on him to breathe life into our days.  I saw a new born baby this week.  Silas Talton graced us with his presence last Thursday.  He was 8lb. 3oz. and is as beautiful a baby as I have seen.  Sweet little face and a head of black hair.  It struck me, as I watched him sleep through the celebration of his birth, that he is resting. Even in the event of the day he slept. I want to learn from him.  A baby does not strive to be born.  When the time is right he simply comes.  Oh it is work for the mom, but even in that, the body does most of the work for her.  Like it or not the baby comes in its time.  I do not want to strive in my life...I want to rest in my calling, to know that God has seasons and growing to be done.  Work is stressful right now...I am striving and still not getting everything done. Frustration and being overwhelmed are my daily companions now.  This hasn't happened like this before.  I feel God's grace lifting for this work.  I do not exactly know what that means because I love teaching.  However, I am waiting to see what God is up to with me and my job...trying to rest in knowing that he will birth new things in his time.