William's surgery went well.  Another long day but the doctor said he did great.  He is drugged up on pain medicine now and will be for a couple of days.  On another good note, I get to have my LAST chemo on Monday.  They called today to say all is set for Monday morning.  They left a message, so I don't know my exact count but they wouldn't proceed if they thought they were too low.

Fireworks at my house Monday night...around 7:00 weather permitting.  CELEBRATE!!

Tomorrow William has part 2 of his sinus surgery.  He is scheduled for 1:00.  Please pray that we will not have to wait 3 extra hours this time.  This one should be easier than the first...at least it was a few years ago when Peter had it.  I am glad that I didn't have chemo this week so I will be up for this tomorrow. 

I should also find out tomorrow if I will have chemo on Monday.  My bloodwork was sent to the lab and I had my red count shot today.  So at some point tomorrow they will call and say it's a go or not.  I feel pretty good so I think everything is up enough...we will see.  If I go on Monday, we are having fireworks at our house on Monday night.  We didn't get to shoot them off for New Years because of the weather.  All are welcome to this little celebration.  I will try to post my blood results tomorrow night when we get home.  (It seems kind of like waiting for the score from a big game doesn't it? :)    

The life is in the blood.  That statement is true.  All of my organs can work perfectly but if my blood is weak they will begin to shut down.  I am finding that human blood is an amazing thing.  It is made in your bone marrow.  Blood carries oxygen, it carries waste, it clots…it keeps you alive.  All of this has been a fascinating learning experience for me…one who hates to see blood.  I have a new appreciation for the red stuff that pumps through my veins and keeps me alive while I am not even aware of it.

I also have a new appreciation for what it means to be ‘washed in the blood of Christ.’  It was no small sacrifice he made for me.  His blood flowed freely.  He chose to let his life ebb from his body to wash me.  My blood was bad blood.  It was contaminated, spiritually speaking.  It was weak and killing me until Jesus, the God-man offered me a transfusion.  His divine blood…for my diseased.  His lifeblood for mine.

  What a powerful image that is to me these days.  I hold on, hoping my blood is strong enough tomorrow to accomplish what it cannot today.  I beg not to have a transfusion so as not to delay my recovery from this dreaded cancer.  Isn’t that what we do spiritually too?  We try on our own to make ourselves strong.  We think that our blood can make a come back so we won’t have to ask for a transfusion.  Yet it is there for the asking…for free.  All the oxygen we need to live fully but we are not even aware of it.

I don’t know if I will need a transfusion or not.  I have my blood drawn, yet again, tomorrow.  One more day to know if my journey continues or enters a new faze.  If I my count is low or high does not make a difference…I will always need his blood because there is power in the blood.

I hope everyone had a happy New Year celebration.  We have had  fun fixing up the basement the past few days.  It was re-painted before Christmas and that started a domino effect.  It is looking good and there are only a couple of things left to do...finishing touches. 

My blood was too low to get Chemo today.  That is okay. I have figured out that this isn't up to me...so I am at peace about it.  I guess my body needs a rest for this last treatment and God knows that since he made my body.  I will have more tests on Thursday to see how things look.  Thanks for your prayers...maybe next week will be the week of celebration!

I have never really liked New Year’s resolutions…maybe it is the 20 + years I have been resolving to get in shape and loose weight.  I don’t know.  I think the concept of goal setting is a great idea, don’t get me wrong.   It’s just that I feel that by making myself a list I am setting myself up for failure. Each year the focus is on me and what my strength can get me.  No wonder I end up frustrated…my own strength doesn’t go very far.

I prefer to have a New Year’s reflection.  I like to look back over the past year and find all the ways God blessed me rather than all the resolutions I didn’t accomplish.  This takes the focus off of me, and my guilt and puts it firmly on the broad and capable shoulders of my creator. 

They say hindsight is 20/20.  I think that is true.  When I look back each year, I find that many times God sends his blessings in disguise…like cancer.  I see things that I didn’t recognize as his hand during the year, that turn out to be some of his greatest moments.  It gives me perspective.  It shows me he is everywhere, and in every thing.  Looking back inspires me and I gain the courage to look ahead to next year, knowing he is already there waiting for me.  I only have to look.  This game of hide and seek makes every year interesting.  He uses my weakness to show his strength.  That is an honor that far outweighs my ‘to do’ list.  So this year, I resolve to look for God and catch him in the act of blessing me…everyday. 

Happy New Year everyone!!

Do you ever feel like you are on a broken record?  For those of you that are too young...a record is what came before CD's.  When the record was cracked or scratched the needle would get stuck and the same part of the song would play over and over and over until someone came and moved it along.  Well I feel like I am stuck and I need someone to come and move things along.  My platelets are too low for my last chemo.  Haven't I heard this one before?  I am not as bummed about it this time because I knew things were lower than last time.  I do have one repreive...the nurse that called scheduled me for another blood test on Monday.  If they are up by then I might still get to go on Tuesday.  It is a long shot but there is a chance...

The doctors visit went well other than the fact that we had to wait 2 hours.  He scheduled my CT scan for three weeks after my last chemo.  After that I will see him once a month.  I will get white and red shots until my levels are normal in my blood work...after that I don't have to have them any more!  Hip hip hooray!  My port will have to stay in until spring just to make sure there are no reccurances first.  I will begin seeing my endecrinologist (sp) for my diabetes care in Feb.  This phase of my journey is coming to a close.  That is a good thing.  I will not be sad to see it go.  This new phase will be less intrusive but a still important part. 

William also had a doctors appointment today...post op and pre op for his next stage of surgery.  They just called me and they have it scheduled for Jan. 3.  Chemo the 2nd and surgery the 3rd...we are starting the new year with a bang.  His nose looked good from the last surgery and they gave us instructions on what to do before the next one.  It has been a long day, but a good one. 

Tomorrow I have an appointment with the cancer doctor.  It will be my last one...at least for a month or so.  I usually see him at my chemo appointment but he won't be there next time so I will go see him in the morning.  After this time I think I will switch back to my surgeon for future visits...we will see.  I have questions about next steps etc...  We will know more after this visit. 

I wish you a Merry Christmas

I wish you a Merry Christmas

I wish you a Merry Christmas

And a Happy (and uneventful) New Year.

 I added the uneventful part because that is what I am wishing for myself!

The voices singing carols were melodious.  The candles were glowing softly in the dimly lit room.  There were meaningful words spoken.  The atmosphere of the Christmas Eve candlelight service was perfectly reverent.  In this moment of time, I was expecting the hushed voice of the Lord to whisper to my heart.  Instead, the cry of a baby rang out loudly.  As the service continued, babies across the auditorium cried, giggled, and cooed.  It was then that I heard the voice of the Lord…in the sounds of an infant.  I wondered if that is what it was like on that "silent" night so many years ago…people expecting a holy visitation under the starlit sky.  I wonder if any of them were surprised when the wail of a baby broke the quiet of the night. 

            There are so many times that God does the unexpected.  He shows up in ways that we find odd.  He does not make sense.  He uses bad things like cancer and good things like babies to bring himself glory.  I am constantly surprised by his ways…because they are not like mine.  He sees the bigger picture.  He knows what truly matters.  His unorthodox ways grab our attention.  He comes as a baby in a hay trough?  You have to admit, that is an attention getter.  It is a shock to hear his voice, the creator of the universe, in a baby’s cry.  On this Eve of his birth, I pray that my ears and yours will be opened to hear him in the unpredictable ways that he speaks…and that our expectations will not hinder our hearing.