Tomorrow I plan to go in to work for 1/2 day...in the office.  I haven't heard from my blood work yet but I will be very surprised if there is any serious concern.  I feel pretty good except for the tiredness and the aches from my shot today.  Those will be gone tomorrow and I think it will be good to go in first thing to get prepared for next week.  Back to early mornings!  Ugh!  

I have to say I have mixed feelings about going back.  I have enjoyed working in the office and it has been a life saver.  It has kept my mind occupied.  I feel like I have been productive for the school even in my weakened state. I am excited to be back with the kids...and my teaching friends.  Working and making a difference for students.  I love that about my job.  But underneath the excitement I feel kind of sad.  I think I am grieving a bit...I know that doesn't make alot of sense but I have come so far on this journey.  It has been a self discovery in a way and a God discovery.  Learning even more than I knew how much he loves me and cares for me.  How faithful he is, how deeply he wants to comfort me.  Its not like that will go away but it will be different.  I know I will never be the same.  Part of me loves being home and being able to sit with God and listen.  I will have to make time for that now...it will be a fight to find the time.  There is something about that hidden place that I find when there is crisis.  I don't wish for crisis...I certainly don't want to do any of this again but the God part was a sweet time for me.  The family part was a sweet time for Bill and I...and the kids.  It is a new day and a new part of the this journey...  I know there is much in store for us all and a new place of rest in the rush.

I unpacked my chemo bag today.  I must say it felt quite good to put it in the top of the closet.  I unloaded my books, thank you notes and snacks.  My blanket, my bible, cd player and cd's were put away where they belong.  I smiled when it was empty.  What a relief...what a joy that overcame me at this symbolic action.  I just praised God and smiled some more. 

Today is also the last of my low blood days.  This time has not been nearly as bad as the last round...(thank you all for praying)  My heart rate is a little elevated sometimes but it isn't constant.  I am only dizzy when I bend down to pick something up.  No ringing in the ears.  I have blood work tomorrow that hopefully will confirm what I am feeling...that it is low but not dangerously low.  Then all counts begin to rise...through the roof I say!  Energy increases...life begins again.  I won't hear about my blood until Friday probably.  I get a red count shot tomorrow too.  That should make sure everything continues to go up.  Only one more shot after that and one more blood test...at least until my once a month starts in Feb. My next hurdle to cross is the CT scan I have the 29th...it is supposed to be a baseline and they will tell me all about it on Feb. 4th or so.  One step towards being completely finished, I move from one day at a time to one month at a time...then 3 then 6  and before I know it  my 5 year mark will be here.  Just think I am coming up on one year...in July...not that far away.  

Today a couple of my dear friends came to help me with my recovery...we cooked.  I usually cook for a couple of months at a time, when I am working.  It helps to keep me going and gives me the ability to put dinner on the table quickly in my busy life.  Today as I prepare to go  back to work next week, my friends Beth Ann and Heather came to my rescue.  It took us 2 hours or so to put enough food in the freezer for  3 or 4 weeks.  What a blessing.  One step back to health at a time.  I can rest knowing that my family will be well fed while I am trying to get back into juggling my life.  God has given me a precious gift of friends that would give up their holiday to help me cook! 

My flu is gone...for the last time!!  However, my blood is dropping.  I came up the stairs without resting half way tonight and had to sit to regain my breath.  So far it doesn't feel as bad as last time...we will see as the week progresses.  By Thursday everything should be at it's lowest and then it will climb through the roof because there will be no chemo to stop it.  I expect to be feeling better and better.  I am looking forward to those days.  What will it be like to have energy again???  I should feel better than I have in months...just a few more days. 

Hannah and I have been recovering together today.  She had her teeth out this morning and already is swelled up like a chipmunk...poor thing.  I am doing better today than yesterday as far as aches and stomach...but now I am getting weak.  I can tell if I walk or stand up for too long because I break out in a cold sweat. So I am not standing or walking any more than I have to.  I am being wise and taking it very slow...mainly hanging out around the house.  This is almost over!!!

It hurts...I don't know how many more times I could go through this.  It is a good thing this is the LAST time.  I am taking heavy pain meds and lying in bed.  That is all I can do at the moment.  This is the last yucky time.  Horray!  I am looking at the bright side.

Tomorrow Hannah is having all four of her wisdom teeth out.  Yes, just one more person in our family having surgery.  Bill took her yesterday, she has been having some pain, and they had an opening on Friday.  Since she is already out of school on Monday that seemed like the perfect time.  Before I go back to work and while I am still lying around the house.  That way we can lie around together.  In a few weeks alllllll of this will be done and life will go on.  I am looking forward to that day.

There are some really great things in life.  Family, friends, and people that you meet along the way.  God is so faithful to bring you what you need when you need it, whether it is a life style change or a kind word.  I am finishing up one part of this journey but not before God has brought me some really great things.  Family ties have deepened, friendships renewed and there are some great healthcare people out there that do their jobs well.  I have learned to slow down and look for God around me.  He is in the hospitals and doctors offices. The people all around need him…a word of encouragement or a smile.  Sometimes they just need someone to take a minute to understand them. 

I also have learned there are things that I cannot control…like how long I will sit waiting for a lab result or a shot.  There was a patient today at the hospital that was continually asking when will I get my medicine.  How long will it take?  Will I be done soon?  I figure she must be new to this journey.  She is still thinking that life can be scheduled and that everything revolves around her activities.  I was her.  I am not her now.  At least until my life gets back to “normal”.  I hope that I will never return to the place where I don’t see those around me because of my busy life.  I pray that my normal has changed.

Today I felt good for the most part.  I am getting tired now and starting to feel the effects some.  The best part is that this is the LAST time I will feel these effects!  I can do these next few days because I have arrived at the end of the tunnel…at least the darkest part of the tunnel. Now to continue my journey with the light surrounding me…that I can do.

What a glorious feeling to be through!  Like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders...I wasn't even fully aware of how heavy a weight it was.  My port worked great.  I didn't get too groggy...just an 1 1/2 nap...then I was pretty awake.  My mom came with me and did some shopping for my newly remodeled basement while I slept.  My friend Mindy brought my lunch.  My friend Jessica came and took pictures...again.  I will post them some time soon.  I got to hold Flossie the Elephant...she is a stuffed animal for you to have on your last day!!!  I had phone calls from numerous well wishers that called to scream and cheer in my ear.  I came home to a wonderful dinner by my mother-in-love and my mom got me balloons...my sister sent flowers.  Pete and Heather came over and helped my boys shoot off fireworks in honor of me! (It was raining on New Years so we saved them for this occasion)  We had all the neighbors lights on, wondering what in the world was happening.  We had sparkling grape juice and drank a toast to living Life Fully.  It was a day of celebration. My new motto is...live fully.

Rain...sleep...medicine...healing...resting for tomorrow.  Lazy day.

I was awakened this morning at 5:00am with a urinary tract infection.  I got up to go to the bathroom and it felt like molten lava poured out of me...I know that is probably more than you needed to know.  I waited until 8:00 to call my doctor who is a wonderful soul that has bailed me out too many times to count throughout my ordeal.  She called in some medicine and I was at the pharmacy when it opened, with an open bottle of water in hand so I could swallow my pills before I left the register.  Did I say this one was a bad one?  It just came on so fast with no warning at all. I guess I am more prone to infections now...even though my count is up.  I did call my chemo nurse and she said as long as I don't have a fever we are still on for Monday morning.  By then my antibiotics should be working well.  I am already feeling better after lying around the house all day.  I am going to rest tomorrow too so Monday won't have to be delayed again!  William is very sore today.  Not moving or talking much.  We are just hanging around together, taking medicine and trying to get well.