The dictionary says that to believe means to have confidence in the truth, the existence, or the reliability of something, although without absolute proof that one is right in doing so.  At school, our classroom motto is “believe.”  My co-teacher and I want our students to be confident that what we say is true.  They can learn.  More importantly, we want them to know for themselves…not just because we say it…that it is true.  This one little word, believe, is a powerful one.  It is a wonderful moment when we hear one student tell another…”just believe.”  It means that they have been listening.  It means that they are starting the hear the word in their own heads instead of coming from our mouths.  This is when the power of the word becomes real.

A friend of mine recently had a bad report from doctors.  Actually, I have 5 friends…some of them strangers…that are battling with life threatening diseases. It seems my cancer is now serving a purpose; to encourage others that are just beginning their battle.  In these battles, it is important to believe.  Believe in God’s sovereignty; in your own God-designed spirit, and in the future hope you have in Jesus.  As we all know, there are not easy answers in life.  The questions are hard ones.  The fears are real ones.  However, when we believe, our focus shifts from our circumstances to our will to fight and God’s ability to overcome.  We have hope and in that, we become over comers.  It is true with my students in the classroom, and it is true in life.  Just Believe.

I have had concerns that when I went to the dentist for a check up that my teeth were all going to be rotten.  I have dreaded this day because when I was having chemo I had mouth problems.  My gums hurt and my teeth were sore.  I could almost feel the decay setting in...or at least I thought so.  Today I went to the dentist and I only had one cavity...the one that I didn't get filled last year because of my treatments.  I feel like a little kid being this excited over no cavities.  One small one and that is it.  No new ones...that I think, is a miracle.

            Have you ever thought of God as playful?  I was sitting on my porch the other night.  As it began to get dark, the lightning bugs came out.  At first, it was just a few, but as the darkness increased, the little flashes of light did as well.  It was then that it hit me; part of God’s nature is to be playful.  Who else could have thought of a bug with a light up tail?

Think back to chasing fireflies in your own backyard as a kid. When they illuminate, you run to them.  However, by the time you get there they are gone…at least from that particular spot.  Then you see the flash again and you run again, giggling all the way.  It is a triumphant moment when you are finally able to catch one of these little lights.  Sealed up tightly in your hands you run to anyone who will watch and show them the amazing thing you have…a bug with a light.  Sometimes they crawl out and take flight again twinkling like the stars in the sky, only closer.  A holy game of hide and seek, created just for us by our playful God.  All the flickering becomes a beautiful backdrop for children to run, play and laugh.  There is something about the laughter of children.  It is musical with a healing quality about it.  It tells us not to take life to seriously and to enjoy it while we can.  It causes us to stop and see the joy in the little things…like bugs with light up tails.

The deeper meaning?  I think you know.  His truth is something we have to seek after.  We run towards it when we see it.  The light is all around us, though sometimes it is illusive.  The lesson is that there is joy in the journey.  It is not supposed to be hard, but fun to find the treasure God has so creatively provided for us.  We simply have to take the time to look.  Sometimes it blends into our surroundings, until the moment of the flash when we see it briefly, just long enough to become curious.  Next, we look more carefully waiting to see if the light we saw will reappear. When it does, we run to find the truth he has set before us and delight in our ability to capture and hold it.  We study it quickly lest it take flight before we fully grasp it. Once we have seen it and shared it with those around us, we release it to hunt for another. All the while, he delights in our search and in the fact that his ways cause us to seek him diligently, again and again. Hide and seek. Each truth builds on our knowledge of him as we learn more of his playful nature…through nature.

When you are diagnosed with cancer, it is like being thrown into a boxing ring with the heavy weight champion of the world.  The first punch, “you have cancer,” takes your breath away as you realize you are in the fight of your life.  Nothing prepares you for this fight; fear is in the forefront.  It is in this moment, and those months that follow that the foundations of faith become the bedrock of your fight. Though, family and friends cheer for you in your corner, you are in the ring alone, with no training, battling the opponent of your life…it is hard.  To rise up and fight takes courage; to win takes a miracle. 

Our high school assistant principal Doug Smith and his wife Kay knew that miracle.  Kay fought this dreaded champion and won.  It was a sweet victory; a relief…but this opponent was not down for the count, and rose up again more vicious than ever.  This time the gloves were on Doug’s hands. It was Kay’s turn to cheer in the corner as the tag team partner of her husband.  The fight began suddenly when Doug went to the doctor because of a headache.  Test results showed brain cancer; in advanced stages, and the prognosis was bleak.  It is here, that the foundation of faith that had been built during Kay’s illness began its test.  The disease progressed rapidly, reeking havoc on Doug’s body. The treatment was aggressive, as were the prayers for a miracle from friends in the community.  What the disease did not damage was his spirit and the faithful family that surrounded this man.  To the end, they fought and faced this foe, but in the end, Doug died. Round two of this battle ended this past Thursday at 9:00. 

At the funeral home, there were slides that showed pictures of Doug’s life.  He lived it to the fullest, hiking, taking trips, and fishing with friends. Even with his illness, he worshiped God from his chair as friends played music around him.  He treasured each moment, a lesson learned from his wife’s battle.  He was a dedicated educator in our community that loved working for the good of the students he served.  He was a husband and a father to the family that loved him dearly.  He is buried, his well-worn Bible by his side…a man of faith that trusted God with his very life.  It does not seem right that Kay would survive her fight only to loose him to his.  This is where the hard questions come in and the platitudes go out.  There are no easy answers when grief is so near. Faith is shaken to the core, as hope flickers and fades, and then sparks again.

Round three will come, and we know already that the Lord will win that battle.  No tears, no pain, no sickness, it will be a glorious day. On that day, cancer will be no more…knocked out by God’s Champion. Until then, we remember Doug as another victim of the heavy weight.  We respect his fight.  We honor his life.  He will be missed in our schools and by his friends.  We pray for his family as they recover from this fight and ask that God would hold them close to his heart.

Here is a quick note...I had a bone scan yesterday.  It was primarily to get a baseline since I no longer produce estrogen.  They want to make sure my bones do not lose mass.  The technician said that all looked good, but the doctor will call to tell me that later.  I was happy to have such a simple test...I didn't even have to undress...I can't remember the last time I got to stay fully clothed at a doctors office! 

I am starting to get geared up for school.  Rather, I am trying to finish all the things I wanted to do around here this summer.  I have painted the bathroom that started the redecorating last year.  It is finally looking more like what I had envisioned.  It should have been a simple process to paint a bathroom...I hired two different people to do it.  It turned into a mess when the badly pealing wallpaper tore up the wall coming off.  Then I tried to have someone cover the holes with a faux finish that didn't work.  Yesterday I did a different finish and it worked!  In the meantime I also wrote my final paper for my class...just plain busy.  Now I will be getting kids to eye doctor, dentists, haircuts etc... for the next couple of weeks.  I can feel the pace picking up already.  I am not ready for it but I will have to be soon...like it or not. 

If you have never been to a DCI (Drum Corp International) competition you should go to one.  They have been described as "marching band on steroids" and the "major league of marching band."  Yesterday, we took the kids...all but Peter...and went to the Southeastern Regional event at the Georgia Dome.  Bill was able to get discounted tickets through his professor at school.  It was amazing even to someone who doesn't know anything about band...such as me.  I was amazed at the power of the bugle corp and the drum work was unbelieveable.  The shows were elaborate with dancers and rifles, and flags.  There were probably 20 bands there and it was an all day event.  We arrived home exhausted at 1:00 am.  But I would say it was worth it.  My kids loved it and were inspired for band camp in a couple of weeks.  I never cease to be amazed at the creativity God implanted into humans.  We know we are like him in that way but to see so many ways and outlets for it is truely inspiring. 

I was on my way to Atlanta this morning.  As I came around a small curve in the road, I saw an army of sunflowers, all in rows.  They were not the big sunflowers, rather the smaller ones that are mixed into bouquets at the store.  Their heads were turned away from me…towards the east as they awaited a view of their commander, the sun.  As I looked in my rear view mirror, their golden heads showed, thus creating another picture of the nature of God.  Devotion. 

Their faces are upturned, never straying from their source of life.  If there are clouds, as there were today, they still know just where to look.  The sun is ever so steady and dependable to provide them the light that they need.  It is a picture of the devoted relationship between God and his followers.  He is there, even when obscured by the storms of life…he is behind the clouds, providing the needed nourishment, if we will just look up.  Unlike humans, the faces of the sunflowers never stray to each other, or turn around to look behind.  They steadfastly look to the one that is the source of there adoration.  They are devoted and do not forget their source of strength.  Wherever the sun moves they move as well.  If we could be as devoted as this, our lives would be simpler.  Confusion would not reign because our focus would be sure. 

In time, the flower’s seeds feed the animals and birds that are near. The flowers do not seek this attraction, it happens naturally because of their devotion to the sun.  As believers, others are drawn to our fruit.  Spiritually, they come to us to eat and be filled on the overflow of our relationship. As we continue to look up, they will find the sun is our source of devotion. We do not seek this arrangement, but it is built into us as the seeds are in the flowers.

In rows, they look like a splendid army, arrayed in golden armor.  They are a reflection of the golden light of the sun…as we are a reflection of the one we adore. We lift our heads and hands to the Lord and we reflect his characteristics…his love, and his beauty.  All together, we are his army. We move as one because we are one with him.

  Then as we are moved, we await our commander and follow him wherever he sends us, to the uttermost parts of the earth.  We reach out and share his light with those around us.  We can be put into a mixed bouquet, but we will never be disguised or hidden.  We will stand tall and turn our faces so that everyone that sees us will look up to see what we see.  They will long to know our secret devotion and to eat of our fruit. Turn your face up…and see the Son.

Do you know where you were 21 years ago tonight? (This is posted on the 12th even though the computer probably will put in on the 13th)  Many of you were at our wedding!  Remember the one that felt as if the candles could melt it was so hot…oh yeah…they did melt!  I am greatly appreciative of all of you that went to the time and effort to make it to our special day.  This year especially I can see how blessed I am to have found Bill.  I could not have gotten through this battle without him.  He has been super patient and understanding the whole way.  I have felt cherished.  I am glad that he did not have to deal with the “’til death do you part” section of the vows.  However, he has definitely lived up to the in sickness and health part. 

You know when you take those vows you are young.  I don’t really know if you fully understand the kind of commitment you are making.  When you have a bad year, like this one, the rubber meets the road and the commitment becomes real.  It is hard, but it is a deep bond of intimacy.  Not the kind of intimacy people think of on their wedding day…true intimacy is proven when someone has to help you go to the bathroom or walk or shower.  But the bond of trauma and hardship makes a marriage stronger than before.  My husband has been a life-saver throughout this ordeal for me.  He is a blessing from God.

Here is a brief update for you...I am doing well.  According to the doctor the troubles I am having are normal after this surgery.  I am still not emptying all the way which causes me to have to go more often.  Sometimes are better than others but that is to be expected.  My port incision is healing nicely now that the adhesive strips are off.  They were causing quite the rash...if you remember I have had this issue before when my hys. incision came open...this is nothing compared to that!  Once the blisters scab over and heal up I will be good...and NO MORE PORT!  Hurray!  I can sleep on my left side again without that annoying pain in my shoulder.  I am just so grateful to be here one year later.  It seems like a bad dream.  I am in good health.  I go back for an oncology check up on Friday but according to my regular gyno everything is normal...what a relief that is.

I am now working on my end of course paper for graduate school.  It is a big one.  So if I fall off the planet for a day or two you will know why!  It is due on Friday to my group of classmates...then Sunday to my professor.  Once it is finished this course is over!  Only three more to go until graduation...count down.  Some of that will be my research and will need your prayers to get through :)  Thanks for being there and keeping up with me.  I could have never done this year without any of you.

There is something about summer and blackberries.  They just go together.  I remember as a kid getting dressed to pick berries the color of midnight as they weighed down the bush.  I would wear my boots, because my grandmother said they would protect against snakes. She didn’t like snakes at all.  Then my jeans were tucked into the boots to protect from chiggers.  I had on long sleeves to protect from briars and my hair was braided to protect from other bugs.  I remember hearing the berries hit the bottom of the bucket, plop, plop…until the bottom was covered.  The sun beat down and the sweat mixed with the purple juice on my fingers.  Once the bucket was full, we took the black treasure into the kitchen to begin the summer ritual of cobbler making.  The berries soaked in the kitchen sink, while my mom pulled out the ones that were not just right.  My sister and grandmother made the dough, while mom cooked the berries with just the right amount of sugar.  The best part of the cobbler was the purple tongues after it was eaten.  Even the grown ups had purple smiles.

Yesterday, we picked blackberries.  Actually, we pulled up the blackberry bushes that were taking over our yard.  It made for easy picking for me and the kids.  We sat on the driveway and Bill brought the berries to us.  Then the empty bushes were tossed onto the pile.  Easy.  Still itchy, with lots of bugs but we did not have to dig through the briars to get the fruit.  I made a cobbler.  Our purple tongues matched our purple stained fingers when we were through. Another summer ritual satisfied as the katydids began to sing to the moon.  I love the summer!