Last night this new name of God caught my imagination. I want you to close your eyes and think of a bottle of bubbles. (Stay with me a minute) Remember back, to how you blew through the wand creating big bubbles along with lots of smaller ones.  Remember the delight as you chased and tried to catch them.  A few breaths and there were hundreds of bubbles floating in the air…like a summer shower. 

Today children still love bubbles, and I do not like to work in a nursery that is not stocked with a large bottle of them. Toddlers come in crying, but after a few breaths, the giggles bubble up (pardon the pun).  Suddenly, their problems are forgotten as they relish dancing in the downpour. All of them react differently…some pop them, some gently catch them, and some just stand in awe and watch.  It is fun to be the one blowing the bubbles, the source of their delight.  I have been known to blow so many I made myself dizzy!

I bet you can see where I am going with this…God did that, only with fire and light!  He did not need a wand, he simply blew and the stars of all sizes were created…billions and billions of them.  On a clear night, when we look into the sky, we stand in awe. Our problems seem small after this gaze into the heavens.  The stars are huge, bright balls of light hanging adrift above our heads.  From a distance, we do not understand the massive size of them, but some of us have chased and tried to catch them.  We call these people astronomers.  The pictures that their telescopes have sent us are amazing.  They show us things too huge to comprehend.  They show us the glory of God.  We are the children who stand and watch with wonder.  He is the God who delights in creating them for us, and then delights in our delight! I can almost hear him say, “You like that one…wait till you see this one!”  Is it any wonder the universe is expanding so fast!  He longs to share his magnificent beauty with us, and it is his joy to create it.  

The speaker on the DVD, used the pictures from space to show us some of the wonders of God.  Along with the stars, he showed us galaxies and beautiful whirlpools of light.  Thirty-one million light years away is the Whirlpool Galaxy. Within the center is a black hole that is in the shape of a cross.  At the end of our known universe…a cross…isn’t that just like God?  He is crying out, “I am here!”

On the second DVD, he talked about the miracle of the human body.  The complexity and the intricate design are unbelievable.  We are each walking, talking, and breathing miracles. Within the miraculous design or our bodies, there is a cell adhesion molecule that is present in the very first cell that forms when are conceived.  It is called Laminin. You guessed it; the formation of this molecule that holds our cells together, is in the shape of a cross.  At the beginning of life…a cross…God is truly amazing.  He whispers, “I am here too, inside of you, holding you together.” 

Revelation 1:8- “I am the Alpha and Omega”, says the Lord God, “who is, and who was, and who is to come, the ALMIGHTY.”  Did you think that the Alpha, Omega thing was just a figure of speech?  I did too…until now.  Once again, all of creation declares his glory…because the Almighty Star Breather made it so!

There are two men that I know who cling to God in every circumstance.  Life has been difficult for both of them.  I have been thinking of them lately. The shift in my life because of cancer was dramatic.  Thinking of life and death issues forces you to a place of sober reflection.  It is a hard place to be.  My friends both know that.  Each of them has been suffering from a deadly disease for years.  I cannot comprehend that really.  My illness was a nuisance for several months…really about a year.  To live with pain and the promise of death hanging over you cannot be easy in any way.  Ongoing hardship is the fire in which character is built.  How can anyone stay in that kind of fire for so long?  Like Job’s friends, I think that it would be easy to curse God and die rather than to continually battle for each breath.  Yet like Job, these men believe the words, “though he slay me, yet I will trust him.” 

My friend Brian has a heart condition.  I do not know the specific details other than that he should have been dead years ago.  He has been “resurrected” too many times to count.  He can tell you what it feels like to be in the presence of Jesus, because he has been there.  His attitude could have been bitter to have been dealt this ailment at such an early age.  He chose the positive instead.  Not knowing the future causes us stress, but to not know if you will be alive tomorrow?  That is a completely new level of trusting God for each breath.  Brian has lived with that question each day, for years.  Until recently, he was not a candidate for a heart transplant…but technology caught up with him.  Yesterday he had a heart transplant.  Today I heard that it is beating on its own.  What a miracle that is!  Imagine being shut up in your house for years, and suddenly being able to live a normal life.  What a gift that will be!  My prayers are with him and his wife as they embark upon this new journey of health.

My other friend has ALS…a terrible degenerative disease takes over your body slowly.  Frank is in a wheelchair now, with a breathing machine. (By the way Frank, you kind of look like a jet pilot! 🙂  He has to have help to do most everything.  He could choose to rage at God, but instead he worships him.  A worship leader that lost his ability to play but still he leads worship…with his life.  He creates worship CD’s with Christian music he picks custom for those of us that are in need.  I listened to these CD’s during my chemo.  He knows just the right songs for tough times.  Even with his limited ability, he has found a way to create worship. 

These two men are amazing.  They have chosen to live fully despite the suffering.  Depending on God to carry them is the source of their strength.  They cannot be stopped from reaching out to others in need.  It is the mark of Christ that is indelibly stamped in their hearts.  When I complain about work, I need only to think of my friends.  God smiles when he sees their lives, because they remind the rest of us what is important. They point us to him. You guys are a blessing!

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday weekend.  I haven’t even turned on my computer this weekend…it was a nice break. 

On Labor Day each year, our church has a kind of festival in the park.  Cars of all makes and models fill the parking lot for the annual car show.  There are inflatable games and slides, a climbing wall, and a multitude of vendors selling food for their organizations.  Bands perform, along with a choir made up of members of area churches and the pastor gives a short message just before the fireworks show.  It is a wonderful way to spend the holiday.  Each year more and more people from the community attend.  This year was no exception.  The crowd grew more as each hour passed. 

In the midst of the crowd I saw a beautiful thing, unexpected in such a mass of people.  An older couple from our church in their mid to late 80’s, was strolling across the parking lot hand in hand.  I do not exactly know why that sight so caught my eye, but it did.  I watched them, holding hands like two teenagers in love.  They were in no hurry.  The companionship and comfortableness of the relationship was evident for all who happened to notice them.  They talked to one another as if they were the only two people around.  The smiles reached to their eyes with a twinkle, which showed that even after spending a lifetime together, they were deeply in love. It was obvious that they had a deep and intimate knowing of each other...joined by their love for the Lord.  It was refreshing to see.  It lifted my spirit to see such love shining forth. Contentment radiated. 

I happen to know this couple.  I know some of their life story and a few of the hardships they have faced.  It is a testimony of the power of love.  Each year, since I was the preschool director at our church, the woman has taken my hands in hers, looked me in the eyes and sung the birthday song to me. The ever-present twinkle in her eye sparks to life as she sings.  She just radiates the love of God.  Her positive attitude is catching and she spreads joy wherever she goes.  To watch her husband hold her hand with tender affection well into their eighties was such a blessing to me.  It was a beautiful picture of a lifetime romance that touched my heart.   

As anticpated, my test today came out well. IV was in in one stick...that never happens.  My colon is clean as a whistle...literally.  No polips, no blockages...he will see me again when I am 50.  Good news twice in one week...I am getting spoiled!  This was my last test for a while as far as I know.  My next visit to the oncologist is not until November. 

At the hosptial today I was remembering all the medical stuff of the past year.  I hated the feeling I had in the pit of my stomach going in.  It was very familiar, I was glad to have forgotten it and didn't like the rememberance at all.  It did however make me think of all the people still walking through those doors each day.  The ones still having chemo or surgery or tests because of some illness attacking their bodies.  I said a prayer for them as I laid on that bed today.  My proceedure was short.  I was groggy for a couple of hours.  I feel fine now.  I am so grateful for my health.  I am blessed beyond belief to have caught my cancer early.  God is so good to me!! 

More medical fun today. A urologist this time since my oncologist is at a loss.  I had a cysto....something or another.  It is a camera that goes into your bladder to look at the inside.  I know you think that sounds like lots of fun!  It really was not that bad, of course after what I have been through this year you have to put that in perspective.  Truly it was a short 3 minute test to try to find the source of my UTI's.  As helpful as it would seem, they found nothing.  That is good but makes me wonder what is going on.  Actually the doctor said that the inside of my bladder looks amazingly healthy.  No irritation, no infection, no foreign objects(I was glad to hear this), no blockages, no stones, no polips...big relief there, I didn't even realize I was holding my breath on that one...all healthy tissue.  His best guess to the cause is that my immune system has not fully recovered and that my weak area is the UT.  With diabetes, and a hysterectomy and chemo...all of those things contribute to a healthy (or unhealthy) UT.  He thinks that time will heal me up as my immune system continues to get stronger.  In the mean time he wants me on a low dose of antibiotics to keep bacteria at bay until I am strong enough, my hormones are balanced enough and my sugar is in control enough for my body to fight for itself.  He has prescribed a 12 week treatment for my body to settle itself down.  After that he doesn't think I will have any more problems.  I hope he is right.  It has been longer this time between infections.  I think this is the longest I have gone in over a year...3 weeks without a problem.  And I can go to the bathroom by myself...an added bonus!  The sling seems to be taking and working better and better everyday.  I have hope that things are eventually going to get back to normal. 

Of course Friday is my colonoscopy...think of it this way, at least I will know what all of my insides look like!  All of this is aggressive health care.  Not taking anything for granted and not putting things off.  If I need baseline I want to get it now, even if it is yucky to do so.  This is taking care of my body so that it will take care of me.  Friday is the last of the tests to make sure all is well.  No one expects any problem because everything has been looking so good.  I have no symptoms...my doctor is just cautious.  I like that in a doctor.

I have to say that this day...this birthday of mine, is a welcome day.  I didn't know if I would make this one.  At one point I was not sure, of course soon after I found that I had stage one and that treatment would probably have good results.  But the idea that I am celebrating this day with good health is still amazing to me.  I am so grateful to be living and breathing.  I am privilaged to be able to work and to walk and to breathe.  Everytime I go to Curves I remind myself of how great it is to be ABLE to go.  When I do not want to go, I tell myself that I get to go...and remember what it was like not to get to.  I am so blessed.  My children are frustrated with me because I cannot think of one thing I need.  They asked for what to buy me and I couldn't come up with one thing.  I just want to be with them and enjoy being together.  They got me some CD's, a book and a gift certificate for clothes...and sweet cards that made me cry. It does not matter the number of years I have been here today.  I am not old...I am alive.  I am sooooo blessed!!!!

 This is a message God spoke to my heart last week when I was pretty down about my job...he put it all back into perspective.  Obviously I did not put the names of the children in only their intials. 

My daughter,
I want you to know that nothing I do is wasted, therefore nothing you do is
wasted either.  I am a craftsman.  I send you the children that I wish for
you to have.  There is not one that I did not send to you, but I did not send
them to learn to read.  Oh you can teach them that, and it will be useful to them
here in this life.  But I sent them instead because I knew you would plant
the seeds of my love…I will harvest those in the future. Sweet daughter…I sent
them so you could teach them that they are valuable and have worth.  K. needs
to know she is beautiful.  D. needs to learn that his enthusiasm, when
tempered, is a gift from me.  Each one needs something different and I put
them there because you can give it to them. 

Did you not see the fire in S.'s eyes yesterday?…you put it there.  Do you not remember the blank and confused
stares she used to give?  Precious one…You had a part in that change in her spirit…she
got what she needs last year and now she can move on to what I have next for her.  Not one
minute wasted. I fashion masterpieces.  That takes time.  A masterpiece takes years and
years to create.  Do not allow the enemy to steal your worth to me, daughter…in the
place that I have placed you.  You do not see the fullness of the fruit of what
you do…but it will matter in eternity.  You are building a masterpiece with
me in each child. And I am building one in you as well.  Ah…do you not think that you need
these children as much as they need you?  I have orchestrated the whole thing.  You
are a student in that classroom as well…my student that learns of me, and my
ways.  Just remember my Masterpieces are not built in  a short time…but over an eternity..
Sincerely,
Your Loving Father,
Your diligent master,
Your saving Lord,
Your master craftsman
Your masterpiece designer,
GOD

I am exhausted once again.  My school schedule is more cram-packed than it has been in a few years.  I have no break from the morning to the afternoon.  I teach all day with barely enough time to eat lunch.  I think my body is healthy, but it is not used to this pace and stress load.  The frustrations of education and all that goes with it still cause me to wrestle within myself.  I love to teach children.  I love the light bulb moments that come when they get it.  I also love trying to teach things in different ways so they understand.  The paperwork and the tracking are impossible.  I don’t even have my own classroom and I am overwhelmed…the regular classroom teachers are snowed under all the time.  It is this red tape and craziness that I hate.  So I wrestle with the question…if life is short is this what I want to do with the time I have?  Don’t get me wrong…I plan to live to a ripe old age…but if I didn’t…if I only had a year or two, is this what I would do?  Do I make enough of a difference?  These are my post-cancer questions that have no answers at the moment. 

Things will settle down at school, we are only in the second week.  I am always overwhelmed at this time of the year…so some of this is circumstances that are normal.  I am in graduate school on top of that, which adds more.  I am waiting on God.  I am asking him if not this then what?  And how and where?  I am getting a masters degree so I will be staying in the field one way or another.  I am not planning to leave teaching…just wondering, and waiting.  Next year in our county is a big one with a new school opening and bringing sixth grade back to an elementary level, so everything will change.  It will be fruit basket turnover.  We will see what happens…

       The adventure of Saturday made me wonder, as do all things.  As I questioned God to the lesson of the events, he began to show me.  Living fully is risky.  I do not mean the physical adventure of rafting and the danger that goes along with it.  Again, it is a picture of something bigger.  In life when you choose to live fully that means in every area:  relationships, family, work, emotionally, spiritually…all of it.  To love fully without hindrance and blockages is a risky thing.  Children do it, but somewhere between childhood and adulthood, we begin to guard ourselves.  We lose the freedom of heart that allows us to savor life.  We have relationships that are strained.  Our jobs lack passion.  Families are pulled apart.  When we do not fully embrace life we think we are safe…but at what cost?  We choose not to take a risk for fear of falling in…and drowning.  Humans do not like to loose control.  What should be an adventure down the river of life becomes panic when we plunge into a difficult place.  We grasp trying to regain our control.  Once we are rescued by God, we want to stay in the place of safety and quietly go back to life as usual, until the next crisis. 

            I am not suggesting that we jump wildly out without consideration for our safety or well-being.  I am saying that we need to take a calculated risk.  What are the chances that the jump will end in freedom?  With the Lord, they are quite high.  Just think if we could live our lives fully.  We could be like those boys that jumped in embracing the adventure of the moment. Our jump might be taking a risk by forgiving someone, or reconciling with a family member. Maybe making the first move to set things right with a friend or loving unconditionally. We could embrace God’s purpose for our lives instead of running from it by surrendering control to him.  Knowing that life abundantly is worth the risk…our lives would be different.  We would be trusting God, not guarding our hearts.  We would know that his desire is for us to join him in the adventure of life. 

Did you know that living fully can be dangerous?  I found that out yesterday while rafting…or should I say swimming… in the river.  Our trip down started well.  We made it through the first rapid smoothly for the most part.  The river seemed a little lower than usual and most every raft was getting hung up on the rocks periodically.  The first raft through an area would hang, and the next three would bump them out.  It was fun and everyone was splashing each other enjoying the trip. 

Then…don’t you love that word…then we came around a turn and bumped another boat off the rock it was stuck on…just like normal.  The next boat came and bumped us, but instead of moving us off it wedged us in between two rocks in such a way that the water rushed into our boat filling it fully in seconds.  We rearranged, to no avail.  The only choice we had was to get out of the raft onto the rock in the middle of a fast moving river.  We had four boys with us…Peter and one of his friends, and two ninth graders from our church. 

Once out of the raft, Bill worked frantically to get the it loose using his paddle as a crow bar to peel the raft away from the rocks.  (A side note…when in an emergency situation it is very good to have an ADD brain with you.  Thinking quickly of all possibilities of escape comes naturally to them!)  He managed to get it moved to the side of the rocks and climbed back in to try to push it the rest of the way.  It was working; the raft was coming loose even though it was completely full of water!  Peter got in and I grabbed the end of the raft to hold it steady for the other boys to jump in…I bet you can guess what happened.  The raft broke loose from the rocks, pulled me right into the current, and left the 3 boys stranded on a rock in the middle of the river. 

Now when they tell you not to panic when you go into the river it is for a reason.  As I went in, the ice cold water stole my breath from me.  I came up under the raft and could not get my head above the water…so the first thing I did...panic.  I forgot all about the swimmers position that is supposed to help you survive and began flailing in the water.  Finally, my head came up and I scanned for the raft as I bumped along the rocks.  I tried to swim to the raft but my legs and arms were numb from the cold…and probably the panic…so I could not make any progress.  Peter…my son who listened well to the video…put his paddle out for me to grab.  I grabbed it trying to get my hand to grip and hold.  I thought if I could just get my lungs out from under the cold-water maybe, I could breathe again. 

I grabbed the rope around the raft and tried to pull myself up as Peter and Bill were pulling my life jacket over my head.  The other thing in that tape that is important is the part where they say your life jacket should fit snuggly.  It felt snug to me, but in this situation, I had to let go of the rope to try to hold my jacket on.  Finally, after what seemed like 30 minutes, but was probably only three, I was back in the raft.  Sitting on the bottom of the boat, I was up to my neck in water since it was still full. I could not catch my breath.  Bill tried hard to maneuver the raft down the moving water, but it was not responding because it was so heavy.  We had lost two paddles so Peter and I just watched as we rounded the corner and the three boys on the rock disappeared from view.

Bill managed to get the raft to the edge of the river and grabbed a tree to try to pull us to shore.  In the process, he lost his hat and almost his head but he did it.  The spot we were in was not a safe one but there was ground there so we got out and tried to empty the boat so we could go down further to get help.  There was no way the three of us could do it.  I was still gasping for air and shaking all over.  Peter was crying for his friends…“go back…we have to go back”.  We yelled to each raft going by that we needed help, but the water was too fast for them to get to us.

Bill worked and worked but a six-man raft full of water is heavy. We tried bailing with our hands.  Any time he got it to so it might be at the correct angle to dump it, the current would start to catch it moving it away from us.  Peter and I decided to walk up the bank to see if we could yell to the boys to hang on until we got help. Of course, we were on the far side of the river, not the side where the road would have cars and help readily available.  As we were walking, the woods were too thick, filled with briars and no trail. 

At this point, I knew we had to get out to get help quickly.  I sent Peter back to Bill and told him to tell Bill I was walking out to get help.  I miraculously saw a bike up ahead and trudged through the briars to find the trail.  As it turned out, there was an asphalt trail all the way back up to the drop point.  I could not see the river along the way but I could hear it.  I walked for what I guess was 11/2 to 2 miles…it seemed to take forever.  I found the first staff person I could and promptly fell apart. 

After regaining my composure, a wonderful bus driver offered to take me down to get help. I pointed out where I thought Bill and Peter were so we would know where to send help. Then, as we were driving along the road, I spotted the boys soaked standing beside the road.  I cried with relief.  They were all smiles and thought that this was the adventure of a lifetime…you gotta love kids.  They had jumped in and tried to swim the river.  After about 2 minutes, they realized that would not work…too cold.  They made their way to the bank on the same side of the river as we did.  They climbed out and found the bike trail, stopped a bike and asked for directions.  They found their way to a footbridge and waited for someone to see them on the side of the road.  I was amazed at how they were able to do all of this.  We rode down to the bottom of the river and I told them to send someone to help Bill.  While we were waiting for them to get Bill down, the rest of our group finished rafting. 

The guide helped Bill dump the water and paddle down to the other side of the river.  They pulled the raft out and put it on the van.  All of this took hours…and needless to say we didn’t get to raft anymore that day.  It was an adventure and once we were all back together and safe it seemed funny.  At the time, it was not.  Now you know I can’t help but look for the lesson in this story…but I have written too much for one post…so you will have to tune in tomorrow for the continuation…