I guess you can tell that I am back at work.  The amount of time to write has drastically decreased.  An update on the house is that they have started the re-building.  I was there yesterday and saw all fresh new lumber ready to be put in.  We are moving from a destruction zone to a construction zone.  It made me think, I know you are surprised by that. J 

The old has been ripped out.  The new is being put into place.  New life. It is another resurrection message in our lives.  The analogy moves along with the events.  The sin has been discovered in our heart.  It burned until it could not be ignored any longer.  The Savior came and put out the fire without question.  Then the work of removing the debris and taking stock of our lives began.  The deep stuff pulled out by the roots.  God-sent professionals have cleaned and washed and dumped what needed to go.  We have been relocated for a time of healing.  Now the resurrection begins.  The freedom that we have wanted from the beginning is within our reach.  God has been faithful to his word to show us the truth about ourselves, knowing the truth is what sets us free.  The freedom to make changes is upon us.  Things that have been moving at a snail’s pace are beginning to move faster. 

            Decisions must be made; colors, carpet, furniture must all be selected.  In the analogy there are also choices.  After a dramatic rescue and healing in our lives we must decide how our lives will look.  Will we change everything or remain the same?  It is a thrilling proposition to think that we have a clean slate.  The world of possibilities is wide open and hope is bubbling out of every pore.  The feel of life pumping through you revives the tired spirit that was sin-filled.  The saturated, smelly fibers of your being are washed whiter than snow.  It is beyond anything that can be imagined.  This is what amazing grace is all about…the soaring of your soul, as you begin to catch the vision of what could be and how things can be different.  It is the resurrection and it is happening to YOU.  Walking through this process with the Lover of your Soul is a completely life-altering event.  You will never be the same.  Your perspective of what is important and what is not is viewed through new grateful eyes.  Compassion for others that are trapped in burning houses overflows into your actions.  Can life really be so miraculous?  You bet it can.  You were created for this freedom, from the beginning!

The first couple of days of school went smoothly.  The newness of the school year has already worn off for the kids and it is back to the grind.  The good news is that the house is starting to look like a house under construction instead of a house of destruction.  They have done most of the demo and will be starting the building at the beginning of the week.  We still are not sure how soon we will be able to move back in but it is looking so much better now that all the damaged areas are removed.  There will still need to be cleaning at the house of the furniture upstairs...though it has been moved to the garage so they could pull out the carpet...they will also spray something that is supposed to take the smoke smell out.  Hopefully it will be able to remove it all.  I still question that, but it DOES smell a lot better now that the carpet is out.   Mom and Dad have been working on getting prices on the inventory items.  I hope to get the first few pages turned in this week so the insurance company can start their estimate.  They say it will take  4 to 6 weeks for them to research our prices.  I guess we will see how that all goes as we move forward. Things are on the move...that is a good thing.

I don't think it is a coeincedence that our house is getting started on the very same day that school starts.  It seems to me that there is a parallel.  Rebuilding, beginning anew.  It is like a fresh start.  The house is being demo-ed tomorrow...out with the old, smelly, nasty stuff.  Last year, you may remember, was the worst teaching year I have ever had...but it is gone...out with the old.  The new materials for the house are coming in...fresh and clean.  Same for school.  New ideas, new ways, new students.  It is a clean slate so to speak.  I think that there is alot of work ahead but hope is on the horizon. God never leaves us without hope.  If you cannot see it, you need to look harder...it is always there.  Sometimes it is a flicker others a blazing flame, but it is never extinguished.  It is a new day and I am smiling.

I have great news...they are starting on our house tomorrow.  The builder and the insurance company finally agreed on a price.  So in the morning they will tear up my house so they can start the rebuilding.  Hurray.  Short and sweet today because I am back at school.  More later.

            I think that being double or even triple punched is most difficult.  The fire is a hard thing to deal with, but then Jessie dying makes the fire look easy.  Next, Hannah will be leaving.  Fortunately that is a happy time, but still stressful in a good kind of way.  For Hannah, it is like her whole childhood is gone at one time.  She is quite ready to move out and start the next phase of her life.

            Such a drastic change in dynamics is unusual.  Normally, we change one thing at a time.  However, these changes are mostly forced this time.  It gives a whole new perspective to life.  The lesson I am learning from this is my same old motto from the cancer days…Live Fully.  You do not know what will happen tomorrow.  It cannot be predicted.  Who would have thought…a house fire?  I never dreamed of such.  It came completely out of the blue, seemingly so random.  I could not have predicted our dog would die…another random event.  If nothing else is taken from this occurrence I am seeing that living fully is not something to think about only when your life hangs in the balance.  It is a daily way of life.  The further out I get from my cancer, the more I get pulled back into the busyness of life.  It is easy to slip back into old habits of being more worried about the clutter in the house than in the relationships.  A fire is particularly conducive to this because all your effort is in thinking about your stuff…what you have and how much it all costs.  Yet, it is also a reality check that life is random.  We are not in control of as much as we think we are.  The unthinkable can happen in seconds and your life will never be the same. 

            We are all alive and safe…except for Jessie.  God has been so faithful to find us a place.  He has pulled us together through not only the fire, but also the death of our dog.  Now we are all trying to get in last minute Hannah time, because we know that it too is limited.  We are grateful and appreciative of each moment together. 

            As school starts back full swing, take some time to appreciate your relationships.  Allow your hardships to become reminders of your love for one another and of God’s love for you.  Simplify your life to a moment by moment journey that is uplifting to those around you.  Hardships can make your or break you…or both.  Do not get so lost in the event that you miss the value in it.  We are all on this journey of life.  Sometimes the road is harder than others, but if we learn to appreciate the bad stuff for what it can offer us, we can relish the good days even more. We know that all things are possible through Christ and that is where the rubber meets the road.  The pain is our weakness, but through it we are made strong…more opposite talk from the creator of the universe. He is such a mystery, but so completely trustworthy.    

I sit on our back porch with this spectacular morning view wondering, how do you say goodbye to a dog who helped you raise your kids?  I remember when Hannah turned 10 and Bill’s mom took her to a friends house to pick out a puppy.  It was one mass of puppy breath and wiggly tails.  When Hannah sat down on the grass they practically covered her.  Every one of them was adorable.  How do you pick when they are all trying so hard to get your attention.  She picked one of the lighter ones because they were fuzzier.  Jessie came right up and licked Hannah on the face and never left her.  For a few weeks we went everyday anticipating the day she would finally be old enough to leave her mother.  It was an exciting day when Jessie Nicole Gunnin came to live with us. 

            The kids loved her from the beginning and from the beginning she loved them.  She was house trained almost immediately because she was smart.  She wanted nothing more than to be loved and thought herself a lapdog.  Not too hard when she was a puppy, but more difficult as she grew.  The kids taught her to jump on the trampoline.  Before long she was standing at the little mesh door of the enclosure whining to get in.  Everyday she jumped…or rather sat and bounced while they jumped. 

When she wasn’t in the midst of the fun, she was standing guard over the kids’ right below.  One time when a man came over to pick up his son from our house I was shocked to see our friendly family dog turn vicious.  It seems as the man pulled up and walked towards the trampoline to pick up his son Jessie did not recognize him.  She barked, growled and bared her teeth.  Needless to say he backed off until I got there.  It was that day she went from a puppy to a mommy protecting her kids.

We eventually adopted another puppy named Rusty.  He is a far cry from smart.  When we got him he was only 2 pounds, and Jessie took him in like he was her own puppy.  She could have eaten him in one bite but instead she raised him and protected him.  They were inseparable and to watch them play and wrestle you could see her gentleness with him.  She had such a gentle heart.

We all loved that dog.  Everyone who met her loved her almost immediately because she had such a sweet spirit about her.  There are some rare dogs that steal your heart completely and you do not fully realize how much until they are gone.  She was one of our family members for sure and she will be missed greatly.  She taught my kids the meaning of unconditional love.  She taught them devotion.  They learned to care and be sensitive to others from watching her with Rusty.  They learned how to love and be loved in return.  She comforted them in sad times, because as they sat and petted her she looked at them with her eyes that seemed to understand it all.  She gave a quiet companionship through those eyes.  It is so hard to say goodbye to a pet like that.  It is painfully ironic that she survived the fire only to die like she did.  It is just wrong on so many levels. 

I know that God is good and still sits on the throne, but I would have liked for this to have been played out differently.  I know that he knows what he is doing and I am okay with that, but to watch my kids suffer tears my heart out.  maybe the tears that are flowing are a release of pent up feelings from the fire.  Maybe in the long run this is helping them to grieve all the changes.  Now it has been a couple of days, life is moving once again.  We are gearing up for school and Jessie’s passing is already not stinging as much as it did that first day.  We are each having our moments of sadness, but it is not all encompassing as it was. 

She was a beautiful dog in every way. And though it is hard to say goodbye, the lessons we learned from her and the fun we had with her will live on.  We are all a bit lost without her, but we will find our way and be compassionately stronger because of it.  She was such a blessing and if dogs really do go to heaven, she is sitting at the feet of Jesus…nudging his right hand trying to get him to pet her.  

Thanks for your prayers to find Jessie...I guess I should have been more specific in my request.  We did find her but her neck was broken.  As you can imagine this is very very difficult for all of us but especially Hannah...since Jessie was her dog and "best friend."  There is much weeping and wailing at our house this morning.  One more loss on top of a huge pile of losses.  Just pray that God would draw near in this time and that we could feel his presence as we grieve once again.  This is hitting the kids hard because they were so excited to have the dogs here with us.  Rusty is fine but lonely so we plan to take him back to Bill's moms.  We are not sure what exactly happened but we think she fell off of a rock embankment and landed on her head.  Her leash was tangled in the trees with only her collar on it.  Her body was 20 feet away.  There may have been a animal involved but there were no marks on her so we don't think so.  It is a sad sad day.

I have a emergency prayer request.  Our dog Jessie is missing.  We had both dogs outside while we were gone.  When we got home Jessie's collar was on the leash and she was gone.  It has been several hours and we have seen no sign of her.  This is a very bad thing, as she rarely leaves our sight even without a leash.  She is a home body so it is unlike her to be gone this long.  Bill and Hannah are currently out looking for her and we are making signs to post in the hope that someone has seen her and will have some idea of where is the best place to look.  Please please pray.  This is not what we need right now, especially Hannah because it is her dog.  Thanks.

Hurray...we are back online.  It isn't the fastest connection I have ever had but it beats driving a mile and sitting in parking lot!  At least now I can check email and stuff from the comfort of my room, in my pjs if I want.  Work starts back on Friday so I am running like a chicken with my head cut off.  Please pray that we get the okay from the insurance company soon to begin rebuilding...we hate the waiting, but I am sure there is a nugget about God's timing in here somewhere!

         (I am posting for the past couple of days at one time, while I am connected to the internet.)   
     Right now the biggest issue with the house and insurance is the inventory.  I have to list everything we lost and find how much it would cost to replace it.  Every item…individually, no matter how small.  If I want it replaced I have to list it and the cost.

I think that as our hearts are being renewed we have to take stock of what we have.  We need to make note of our blessings as we allow God to rebuild our lives.  The things that need to be trashed are also recognized, as well as how much they cost us.  In life that could be a high price tag for our sin.  We may have lost family, jobs, friends, respect…the list goes on and on.  Now is the time to determine what needs to be updated and replaced; what can be cleaned up and what needs to be hauled off for good.  An honest look at the condition of our heart is a painful thing, especially when there is a lot that needs to be disposed of.  However, it is the beginning of the new thing God will do.

  Self reflection is required if we are to learn from our mistakes.  To plow ahead without ever considering where we are is foolish. It is like driving without a map…it may be exciting at first, but eventually we are completely lost and cannot find our way home.  It is then, that we have to consider how we ever got to this place.  Taking stock of the situation is a requirement if we want complete freedom.  It takes down to the roots of the issue.  Our lives are so cluttered with stuff that we cannot see the truth of the matter.  Looking at all the clutter, and more importantly what is underneath the clutter, is critical to moving forward.

In my house, I am taking inventory.  I am hating it because it is a tedious process that is so big that it is overwhelming.  So how do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time.  I have a couple of bites down and many more to go.  In the end, it will be worth it because I will know exactly what we have.  I have to look to the future promise, to get through this quagmire of paperwork.  To rebuild takes blood, sweat and tears…and a lot of patience.  If I can do it…you can do it.