The Bethlehem Candle represents the light of the world breaking through the darkness. The Prince of Peace coming to rescue us all. I think of the carol Silent Night, and while I know silence wasn’t likely true in a barn full of animals and a newborn, I do think there is a kind of spiritual awe that covered the place. A hushed reverence that even the animals could sense.

Yesterday we buried my brother. We thanked God that he has found peace this holiday season. The peace we all search for. A sense of belonging. There was a holy hush at the gravesite. We could feel the peace of God as we shared poems, stories, songs, and memories. He is buried next to Mom and Dad and even the close proximity to them brings me a sort of peace of heart that while they are celebrating his healing, their outer shells are here resting together.  

As the grief ebbs and flows for me this holiday season, peace is something I long for. Not just in the hard life circumstances of the past year and a half, but also for the world at large. The lyrics “peace on Earth, good will to men” seem far away these days. The unsettledness sits heavily on my heart and tries to steal any calm I am seeking.

But I know one thing, peace isn’t an emotion. Emotions come and go based on the conditions around me. But, peace comes from the Prince of Peace. It is his essence. It doesn’t matter what is happening, Jesus IS peace. He doesn’t just have it…he IS it. So, if I have him, I have peace. Finding it is a matter of recognizing that is it not far away and unattainable. I don’t have to wait for governments to change, or bad things to stop happening in my life. In fact, the reason I can survive this turmoil of heart is BECAUSE his peace lives within me even when I am unaware of it.

There are times, like now, when I don’t FEEL it but that doesn’t mean it’s not there, only that I have forgotten to look for it. Or I am too tired to search my heart.

As always, the good news is that finding peace isn’t up to me. Peace will find me. He will rise up from within my own heart, where he abides, and he will settle my racing thoughts. Peace will clear my mind. And re-mind (mind-me-again) me not to keep my eyes on what is happening, but focus on who is with me…even in my unpeaceful seasons.  

As I sit without the feelings of Christmas, as well as multitudes of tears and a heart that aches for Mom and Dad, I am grateful that it’s not up to me to manufacture peace. Mainly, because it is impossible to do. Instead I simply sit and try to receive what I already have, if only I can find him.