Sometimes I wonder…if we had known what was coming our way, would we have still married? As of this day, July 12, 2025, we’ve had 39 years of surprises, many of them life changing. If we had seen the hardship ahead of time would we have done things differently?

I still remember that day. The heat. (Those of you who were there remember, I am sure!) The nerves. Trying to hold it together while walking down the aisle to my Beloved. Dad telling me little jokes to try to keep me from crying…and probably to keep himself from crying, too. Our hearts tender. He lifted the veil and kissed me, then lowered it again before he went to sit with Mom. He wasn’t supposed to lower it, he was supposed to push it back.

I whispered to Bill to push it back. I wanted nothing between us when we took our vows. I wanted our eyes to be locked. Being a crier, I needed his strength to keep the tears at bay and my make-up intact. It worked. Somehow, I made it through without falling apart. I remember the feeling of joy as we floated down the aisle. We were embarking on a new life, together, and there was nothing that could stop us. We had plans. We had the whole world ahead of us and as long as we were together, the sky was the limit.  

All of that came crashing down a year or so later when Bill had his car accident. Our world changed. TBI is forever. Nothing was the same, Bill wasn’t even the same. I had no idea if he would even survive. How we made it through I will never understand. For years, we were trying to put our lives back together, to get back to “before”. It wasn’t until much later after caregiving for a long, long time, I realized there would be no getting back. There was only forward. Adaptation was the only course of action. Nothing would ever look as hopeful as our wedding day again.

Yet, we persevered. We leaned into God, held onto him by the skin of our teeth. He gifted us four beautiful babies who grew and filled our lives with joy again. We collectively walked with a limp, but we made our walk into a dance of sorts. When I arrived in Cancerland, I saw that there was no dance floor. And so, once again, we adapted. We took one day at a time. Bill held me up through that season, not knowing if I would survive. It was his turn to care for me. He and the kids were troopers. They pulled together and saw me through to “cancer free”. I have never heard such sweet words.

You get the idea. Life has not been what we dreamed it would be 39 years ago. There have been so many interruptions to what we believed was in store. I look back at those idealistic kids and smile a sad little smile. They didn’t know what was coming. They were so young. So full of life. Overflowing with ideas of how things would play out. Nothing could have prepared them for the hardships and obstacles along their way.

Yet, they had each other. They had their faith, which became real very quickly through the traumas they endured. They clung to each other through it all. Still do. So many ups and downs. So much of life lived. All of it, worth the pain…maybe. Not easy. Not at all. But meaningful.

I know the answer to my question. Would we still marry had we known what was in store? The answer is yes. Most definitely. There is a bond that comes through adversity. It is stronger than an easy path would be. Life or death, tends to join hearts together. Tragedy ties. Work weaves. Effort entwines. The pictures of the young couple may look differently now, but the depth is beyond all expectations. In fact, expectations have been washed away. They are the drainers of life, instead we as fully as possible, taking one day at a time as best we know how. That’s 14,235 days as husband and wife. Not bad. Not bad at all.