I have offered by blog to my family to tell their own stories if they would like. Today is the next guest blog by my nephew, David Hunter.

A variety of feelings come with death: guilt, sadness, vulnerability, uncertainty, and relief when the loved one is suffering. You never are sure which one will stem up today, how long it will last, or when your mood will abruptly change from one small token you notice that day.

The day after Thanksgiving, I woke up early like a kid ready to come downstairs for Christmas to see what Santa brought. It was time to decorate for Christmas, my favorite of all holidays. But suddenly, one song that was sung with cheer for so many years, took on a very different meaning this year with both grandparents’ deaths: Don’t Save it All for Christmas Day. The happiness of decorating for the holidays suddenly shifted to guilt (and tears) and unlocked all the what ifs, should haves and could haves — if I had just called one more time, if I had flown up for one more visit, sent one more card, what if I had said no, no, let me come visit you instead. But they would both hate for us to feel guilty; we were all privileged to be loved by the two most incredible grandparents and spend much more time with them than most grandchildren are able to spend with their grandparents. They made sure we knew that we were loved, as the two most selfless people I’ve ever met. Nothing mattered more to them than making those around them feel special and welcome, never doing anything for the recognition, but always showcasing they were thinking of you, no matter the time of year.

Every member of our family was given a framed print of a poem that hung in our grandparent’s house. In my house, it sits by my front door, a reminder each time I open the door or when I come back in. A little reminder from them to try to make the world a better place and remember the strength of family. It says: “Our Family is a circle of strength and love. With each birth and every union, the circle grows. Every joy shared adds more love. Every crisis faced together makes the circle stronger.” This is the spirit that lived within them, their mantra. They were so proud of everyone in the family, their friends, and their co-workers. Really, everyone who interacted with them. And while I know they knew it, I never got to directly say how proud of them I am for everything they did for us. I’m sharing a few examples of their generosity and things they did that make me proud with you, in hopes to brighten your spirit a little bit today and remind you that everyone on this earth is one giant family, who all need to rely and count on one another daily.

• Recognizing Love, Regardless of Who – After spending 72 years together you said you would never spend a holiday apart, and you were actually able to fulfil that promise to one another. You did not just recognize and showcase your love for one another, but showed your love for the love between EJ and me. Always making him feel welcome in the family, asking about him, and how his work was going. Including him. I’ll never forget when Grandma texted me to say how she was happy for me that I met EJ… I hadn’t even told her about him yet. It meant so much to us. That extends beyond just me, to all of the grandchildren and their significant others and goes back to the poem by my door: “…every union, the circle grows.”

• Gifting Your Time – From the time we were young, you made sure we had open access to you at all times. It didn’t matter the time of day or what was happening, you always made sure we knew that we could call you or email you. There was never a problem you weren’t willing to solve with us, something you didn’t want to dole advice over, or just want to celebrate in the moment with us about the littlest things. Even if sometimes we drove you nuts with our decisions (ehmm, quitting our jobs cold turkey) you were there for us. If we wanted to see you, you dropped everything to make sure we could, on our terms. At Cloudwood Farms, the carved wooden sign to Sit Long and Talk Much was an open invite. Every grandchild can probably recall our birthday outings or back to school day with you, and you never once complained through my countless requests to go to Rio Bravo and the Chattanooga Aquarium.

• Never Missing a Milestone or Crisis – Even though it was a two hour drive to most  of our events, you never missed any milestone. Whether it was a birthday, a wedding, a new baby, or a time of need, you jumped into your car or on the phone, no questions asked. Growing up, you arrived at least ten minutes early to every family function, gift (and camera) in hand. You were fully prepared to stay anywhere from 30 minutes to multiple hours, before hopping back in the car to head back home. Alternatively, I remember traveling, on my own, to Catalina Island as a kid. While on the way to the airport, my aunt found out my flight to Los Angeles was cancelled, so I would miss the boat to the island. To say she was in a state of panic was an understatement. I told her I would be fine connecting through Chicago, unaware of the time change, so I assumed I missed my flight to Los Angeles. Did I mention I was 12 at the time? You didn’t want to disturb our parents in Europe, so you comforted Judy on the phone. Then you sat on endless calls to Delta and American to make sure I arrived and had someone to pick me up in Los Angeles. Then afterwards you sent  flowers to the telephone agents and Judy for their stress.

• Teaching us to be Charitable – You never looked for recognition with the charities you donated to and would be appalled if anything was ever named after you. You were generous simply for the sake of being charitable, you understood you were in a position to do so, and hoped others would do so in return. You were always generous to those in need and, upon your death, I found out how many various organizations you donated to both in time and financial resources. Even though I knew you were always giving back I didn’t realize how much you gave of yourself. You added a further layer of sleuthing to it when it came to family; you simply asked for more details and then problem-solved on your own, to surprise us with whatever was needed… the car repair being paid off, a flight purchased, or  the new item we were debating getting, showing up on our doorstep.

• Displaying Little Acts of Love – Nothing had to be over the top for either of you – it boiled down to the simple things. Holding each other’s hands on walks through the botanical gardens. Glancing into one another’s eyes while smiling when you thought no one was watching. Not being afraid to speak up when you had no earthly idea what your Christmas gift was from the other. Everyone in our family will know exactly what picture I’m referencing when I say the Turks & Caicos boat trip. Each annual trip you made to Longboat Key or Anna Maria Island for a long weekend together, was special to me because I got to see you. You always brought me a fresh stock of Amy’s Burmese Peanuts because you knew I love them.  And for me, a key victory was finally convincing you to let me pay for a meal together, because Grandma said,  “Just let him pay, Mike!”

• Reminding Us Age is just a Number – As you aged, you were determined to keep going and be just as active as ever, like the Energizer Bunny. You refused to ever hold anything back, always wanting to experience life to the fullest. The trip together with Liane and Kara to the Albuquerque Hot Air Balloon Festival will always be one of the best memories: you running around like a little kid on your scooter, us struggling to keep up as the grandkids, you photographing, jumping around and pointing towards the balloons, all with a child-like spirit that was joyous.

• Experiencing the Joy of Travel – You each had the art of storytelling, and you loved talking about your travels. There were so many scrapbooks which we would pull out, as grandkids, to look through your memories and have you re-tell your stories of what happened on your journeys. Whether it was Grandma’s trip to Wales to see the churches and sheep, the trip to Switzerland to see wildflowers and hike, the Highway Contractor visits to Acalpulco, or the trips down the Blue Ridge Parkway to look at pottery in Asheville, you both loved to talk about the adventures you took together. The stories always made us laugh about how Grandma said, “Mike I’m not going in that cave, I’m not going to stay in a town surrounded by mountains,” followed by you laughing and saying, she was right. As I promised you, during your last days in the hospital, I have your travel vest to take on all of  my trips, so you can continue to travel the world.

• Instilling a Sense of Curiosity – You had an avid curiosity of everything around you. It didn’t matter the topic: work, the birds, the scenery, the history — you always craved to learn more or understand the why behind things. You had your flower app at-the-ready, to identify any flower picture we sent you with the question, “What is this flower?” You were never shy to suggest a hike or waterfall when we needed to clear our heads and you always invited us to further explore our interests or hobbies. After we had conversations about a topic, we often would get text messages or emails within a few days. You had subscribed to Apple News so you shared information as it came out, about whatever the topic was. 

There were so many more things I could list above, but then we get back into the could have, should have, so this is where I will draw things to an end. Simply put, we’re so proud of you Martha and Mike Hunter. While we’re very much still in the crisis period as a family, ultimately we know we will come out stronger from it because of your guiding light. We love you, forever and always.