When my kids were little it was difficult to get time with only one of them at a time. There was constant activity and noise. It was a rough and tumble season of life. It took effort and an army of helpers to get alone time with just one. I tried to set aside time for one-on-ones, but it didn’t always happen.

What no one told me, and I never thought about, was how difficult it would be to have them all together when they grew up. No one said I would miss the loud, but I do miss it. My home is very quiet now with all four of them gone. There is not much activity, other than letting the dogs out. At first, there was a big empty place in my heart without them. A grief and a sorrow. Our house was always filled with kids. Not just my own, but all the friends, too. I couldn’t keep the pantry or refrigerator full. So, a quiet house and full fridge was a challenge, and brought many tears.

But, like all empty nesters, I adjusted. I taught myself to enjoy this new season. It was filled with so many things I had wished for when my childrearing plate was full. Time to do things for myself. Quiet thinking space. Date nights with my husband. Cooking what I wanted to eat, instead of chicken nuggets, or not cooking at all. Time to have coffee with friends. To go for a hike. To take up a new hobby. To write a book…or two. Even having one of my children visit, or going to one of them, has been a wonderful part of this season. I have gotten to know them individually, as adults. What a blessing that has been. It is something I have dreamed about from the time they were little.

However, when the opportunity presents itself, I will always jump at the chance to have them all together. All my kids under one roof. It is every mother’s dream. Whether it is for one meal or a few days, it fills my heart up with joy. It feels like happiness and makes me giddy for days beforehand. I get butterflies in my stomach at the possibility and when it happens it is magical for me. (and I think for them too, if I am honest.)

I sit now, in Savannah, on our family vacation. I see a house full of stuff everywhere. In the early hours, when it is still quiet with everyone sleeping late, I see snacks on the counter. Glasses left from last night on the tables. Sunscreen and coffee cups litter the space. A hat on the table and games stacked on the counter from a late-night gaming session. Shoes scattered on the floor of all sizes. It is a wonderful mess.

The best part is that I don’t feel the least bit compelled to get up and clean. There is not an ounce of pressure to lift a finger for anything other than typing on these keys. Nor do I feel the need to get anyone moving. Let them sleep. We will figure out the plan for the day once everyone is up. No need to rush anything. Let it be. All of it.

Later, when we are out and about town, I love to listen to them. Just being together, teasing each other, laughing. Telling jokes, catching up on life, sharing memories, even bickering about what is next brings its own nostalgia. At night, during the games, I just sit in silence and smile.

Bill asks me, “What are you doing?”  (He is ready for bed, but I just sit.)

“I am listening. This is what love sounds like.”

I am surrounded by it for the next few days. It is filling my cup. Simply to be in love’s presence restores my weary soul when it is parched. Like a man dying in the desert who has found water, I am gulping it down. My grandson’s squeals mirror my own heart’s cries of joy.

The trip is amazing. Savannah is a beautiful place. We have walked and toured and been to Tybee to the beach. We have gamed and puzzled late into the nights. We have had fun, but most importantly, we have been together. Even if we had never left the house, we would have felt the presence of love surrounding us.

Love smells like morning coffee and breakfast cooking. It looks like smiles and shared space. It tastes like meals around tables together. It feels like slobbery kisses from a baby. It sounds like conversation, laughter, and balls on the pool table clicking together. Most of all, it sounds like family. My heart is full…of love.