Can you tell I have been busy lately?  Life is hectic...and good.  Kids springtime activities are picking up and that gives me very little time.  I am enjoying "being here" for them...I appreciate the little and hectic things of life more now.  I haven't been home before 9:00pm this week so writing hasn't been a possibility.  Maybe this weekend?  We will see.

I know I said that I would have the results from my bladder test in a week...not yet.  I also was supposed to have the results from my mammogram...not yet.  The good news is that if it had been something terrible they would have called me right away...I know that now from experience.  I should hear something in the next couple of days on both tests.  In the meantime, I have gotten a yeast infection from the antibiotics I am on.  The cycle continues.  I am hoping the results from the bladder test give me some answers so we can stop this merry-go-round that I am on with the UTI's.  Even with the infection I am still feeling good.  I am working and active again...that is a blessing I will not take for granted!  I have abundant blessings and I will not let infections interfere...

A couple of weeks ago at church during worship, I felt the Lord speak to my heart.  He asked me, “Will you be transparent in your worship?  Will you allow my glory to show in your life?”  My answer was, “Yes, of course.”  I was caught up in the moment and feeling grateful for my improved health, otherwise I might have hesitated. I have found that usually when God asks an opened ended question it is best to consider what he is asking of you before answering.  This case was no different. 

He asked me, “Will you worship me on Easter…without your wig?  Will you allow others to see me glorified as you worship me…bald?”  Now wait just a minute!  I have been transparent through this journey.  I have written from the heart and not held back my tears or deepest fears.  I did what I felt he asked of me…but this?  I did not know if I could.  I am a behind the scenes person and do not like to be noticed. 

He assured me that this step of obedience would bring him glory.  I was infused with the desire to follow his words to me.  I had peace that he was asking me to do this for a reason.  I saw that the hair, or lack thereof, has become a symbol…like a badge of honor.  It excitedly declares, “I have made it!  I survived!  God raised me from this disease of death and given me life!  I have come out of the tomb!”  To worship him in this moment, with abandon, while all those around me watch, is a testimony to his glory.  He was asking me to step out of my comfort zone and to demonstrate his power by becoming a picture…a picture of his strength in the midst of trial.  He wants me to be seen and he wants me to speak the words he has given.  I agreed.

Today, as I prepared for church I was getting nervous.  I asked my children if it would embarrass them for me to go “wig-less.”  They all encouraged me to do it.  It was cold, so I thought I would find a hat to “keep my head warm.” Indecision was winning the battle.  It had been so clear just a couple of weeks ago, but now it seemed silly.  Then, in a moment of strength, I got in the car and drove away…no wig, no hat, no looking back.  I was nervous. In Sunday school, Bill came to my rescue, sitting by my side and holding my hand.  Then in church, I was able to sing with my hands raised and tears flowing.  I sang of death and resurrection with new meaning in the words.

  I felt a new beauty radiate from me…his beauty.  It did not matter what was happening around me, because I was caught up in worship with him. Afterwards, many people came to hug me.  I guess the hair is a reminder that I have been sick.  Some thanked me, some rubbed my head, some congratulated me, and some were in tears.  It was interesting to hear and watch the reactions that were so different from other weeks.  I had the chance to speak of MY resurrection Sunday and the symbol of new life repeatedly. It was a wonderful Easter to step into something new God has done in my life.  It was my coming out party…out of the tomb!

Today is Saturday and I have gathered all of my chickadees back into the nest.  After a week with just one or two in and out it is nice to have them all home again.  Hannah and Aaron arrived right on time despite the air traffic controller strike in Brazil.  I'd like to thank the Brazillian Air Force for that!  They are exhausted but happy.  They asked for me to stop and get fried chicken, fried okra sweet tea, and mashed potatoes for lunch...l guess they missed southern food!  They came home and were happy to see their rooms clean and fresh, without having to do any of the work!  We looked at all the pictures on the computer. They have had long hot showers and put in the laundry.  Aaron is playing a new video game with William and Hannah is getting ready to take a nap.  It is good for them to be home. We will be getting details for days...the first thing said was how faithful God is...that was a theme of the trip even though they don't plan to have themes, I love it when God does that!  He showed them himself all along the way.  They are already planning next year!

I am struck by how dirty a house can get in such a short time.  I have been spring cleaning for the past two days and haven't gotten beyond one or two rooms!  I know that I have been neglecting the house but this is ridiculous!  It is quite the same as our hearts...you knew I had to go there didn't you?  If we neglect them they build up with trash and dirt...sin.  You know what I mean.  Not blatant things, not even terrible things...but things that keep us from God.  Then we are lonely, or bitter and we wonder how we got to this place.  We really shouldn't wonder...because deep down we know.  I am not talking about a performance here...not a checklist that you must do to be a "good Christain"...but a relationship.  We have all had enough checklists for a lifetime.  No I am talking about time spent allowing God to change you. Humbling ourselves by facing ourselves. He loves it when we do that.  He brings forgiveness when we cannot do it.  He is a constant companion when the rest of the world has abandoned you.  He brings hope into fearful situations and life instead of death.  Yet we still close our hearts to him...or maybe not all of our hearts...just one or two rooms.  We don't want him to go there and see the dirt we have let build up.  We are embarassed but, in this Easter season, his blood is available to do a deep clean...actually it is available every minute of every day.  We are the ones that need a special day like Easter to mark our beginnings.  His mercies are new every morning.  What better time than to clean out and begin anew, than today?

My spring break has been full of fun.  So far I have had a mamogram and a bladder test...see what I mean?  Fun!  Today I had a bladder test to determine if I am going to need surgery.  I won't know the results for a week.  The test was not really fun...but we did determine that I am not emptying all the way.  That could be part of the problem with the urinary tract infections I keep having.  This test will give alot of information and will help to decide if I need bladder retraining, medicine or surgery.  How do they retrain my bladder?  After this test today, I am afraid to ask.   The mamogram was my yearly test...nothing extra.  I didn't have one last summer after my whirlwind journey began so I am playing catch up. 

Hannah called yesterday from Brazil.  Things are going well there.  Today was a building day and tomorrow will be as well.  Tomorrow night they will have the dedication service.  I know it seems very fast but building a church there isn't the same as here.  Their building standards are relaxed...otherwise they wouldn't have teenage girls doing the work!  Thursday they have a free day and are going to the beach.  If you look at South America they are on the most Eastern tip.  She said it is a rural area and that the houses are far apart so there are not as many children to play with as previous years.  That evidently has made the building go faster, not having to stop and play with kids during the day.  She said the area is beautiful and totally different from the other areas she has been to.  Aaron is having fun as well.  He has bonded with an 8 year old boy and they are big buddies.  He did get sick on the plane on the way over.  I asked him if he took his dramamine and he said, "right before I threw up."  He plans to take his medicine earlier on the flight back. They did not know any more about the strike so I am assuming things are go for them to return home.  They leave on Friday but will not be back until Saturday...they will fly all night.  Please continue to pray for them as they travel.

There are some wonderful people in Cancerland.  Many strangers turn to friends along the way when there is a common bond of pain and heartache.  It is not unlike the mommy phenomenon that joins all who are mothers.  I remember being stunned that I could stand in a line at Wal-Mart, and talk to a total stranger about constipation or ear infections.  The same holds true in Cancerland…the words are different, but the idea is the same. I could hold a conversation about blood counts or nausea with someone across the country and we are bonded. 

In my graduate class, there is a woman whose son is battling brain cancer…again.  He has had a recurrence, after being declared cancer free.  This nightmare is one that those in Cancerland live with…that you may never truly leave Cancerland. This mother is in my online class and lives across the country from me, but my heart breaks for her as they undergo treatment again.  She was rejoicing over my blood count the other day when she wrote a line that struck me deeply, “Congratulations!  Enjoy your freedom and the extra time you have been given.”  These simple words have a profound meaning.

 Considering what she is currently facing, I take them to heart.  Every day I live without doctors, hospitals, and drugs means freedom.  I want to forget those days, and even though it has only been a couple of weeks, I have found that they are easy to delete from my memory.  She reminded me not to let them go but rather, to appreciate what they gave to me…extra time.  To think about it as ‘extra’ is unsettling.  However, in reality every day we live is an extra day.  We rarely look at it that way when we are complaining about work, or arguing with our kids.  It seems a burden on those days.  Yet, it is one more day we get to live this life.  We can use it to love our children, or make some kind of difference in the world around us.  On the other hand, we can choose to be bitter and unforgiving by holding on to our hurts or blinded to his love by our own faults.

  God made each and every day, and there is a purpose for each one.  We only have to remember to ask him to show us and then look for it.  That is what it means to be truly free…choosing his purposes over ours.  Peace instead of revenge.  Forgiveness over bitterness.  Life and love over death.  Our physical bodies may not cooperate, ahh but our hearts…our hearts are what matter. He only wants our hearts to be bonded with his.  The amazing peace that follows surpasses understanding.  Fears fall away and doubts take a back seat to his incredible redeeming love.  Our little pea-brains cannot fathom it, that is why it is called faith.  One step off the abyss and we are caught in the arms of Abba father.  He swings us around and looking into our eyes, he smiles…he laughs…and dances like a father with his child.  Amazing Grace…how sweet the sound.   How will you spend your extra time?     

All your prayer warriors out there can pray for Hannah and Aaron this week.  They left for Brazil yesterday morning at 9:30.  When they arrived in Maimi they had to sit on the plane because there was a power outage at the airport.  They had a 6 hour layover in Miami.  At some point they found out that the air traffic controllers in Brazil went on strike.  They didn't know if they could even get to Brazil.  After some delays they got word that their flight to San Paulo could go but there were no promises they would have their connecting flight when they got there.  They decided to risk it.  They got to San Paulo at 6:30 this morning but had to circle for extra times because of the fog.  When they landed it was past time for their connecting flight.  But as they were going through customs they found out that they had held the plane for our group...so they made their flight.  30 hours after they left here they finally arrived at their desination Ricefe, Brazil.  It has been an adventure already!  I am assuming since they got their flight that the strike is over.  We also found out today that their plane to San Paulo was the only one allowed in...all others were canceled. 

I figure that if there are so many forces at work against them getting there God must have something big planned for this trip.  I would appreciate your prayers for safety, as this chain of events hasn't been exactly comforting to a mom separated from her children.  All anxiety aside I do, trust God has them in the palm of his hand.  Those that are leading this trip have done it many times and they are connected to many churches in Brazil.  I am confident that they will handle any bumps that come up along the way.  I will update you when I hear more, which should be later in the week.