Beauty is skin deep…or so the world tells us.  We live in a society that measures your worth on what dress size you wear.  And as much as I know that I am not measured by what I look like it still affects me.  I am not sure why that is.  I know in my heart that I am beautiful…that my outside does not determine my value.  The bible says that I capture his heart with one glance of my eyes.  Just looking in his direction makes him love me more.  It also says that I am the apple of his eye.  I don’t know what could be more clear.  Yet, I look in that mirror and I don’t like what I see. 

The weight has been an issue for many years and now I am bald, have no eyelashes and my eyebrows are drawn on with a pencil.  Last week, Bill took me shopping for new clothes.  He said I needed some new things to make me feel beautiful.  I fought it because I did not want to face the mirror.  He insisted.  I burst into tears the first round in the dressing room. I refused to go back for more.  He insisted.  I melted down right there in the store.  I am sure the sales woman was concerned for me as Bill held me, told me I was beautiful, and said to go back in there.  It took about three more times of this before I finally resigned myself to get it over with.  I honestly think I realized that Bill would not let me leave the store without at least one beautiful outfit even if I had to try on everything they had. 

He had to give me several pep talks and emphasize that I was looking at things all wrong.  My “Frankenstein stomach” he said is a sign of victory.  My body that is so different is what has made my spirit so much more beautiful.  As I tried to listen to his words, I was struck with how hard it is to hear God’s voice in the matter of beauty.  He says that he is enthralled by your beauty…Ps. 45:11  How beautiful you are my darling, oh how beautiful your eyes are doves…Turn your eyes from me; they overwhelm me…Song of Solomon.    The entire book of Song of Solomon gives us a very detailed picture of the love he has for us as the bride and yet we let magazines steal that view from us. The scripture is so clear throughout that beauty is not outward adornment but a beauty of the heart. 

The question the Lord asked me was “Who do I say that you are?”  My husband answered that question when I could not. Cancer tried to steal my view of my body…which wasn’t good to begin with.  It made it somehow harder to look in that mirror. Bill made me face my perception of myself and align it with what God says about me.  I am grateful for that.  I had to face the mirror…of God’s word.  I discovered that I am more beautiful than ever.