This year has been a hard year on my family.  We have been through a lot.  Therefore, our Christmas celebration this year was bittersweet.  The loss of Memommie hit hard and her absence was obvious.  If nothing else, this year we have learned that life is short.  No matter if it ends this year or 50 years from now, I have a limited number of days. We all do. My grandmother had 90 years to make her mark.  This weekend we celebrated the lives of all of our grandparents.  Many of our gifts were old pictures, jewelry and coins from the past.  Each has its own story to tell. These stories weave through time to tie us to our heritage. 

You have heard the saying that ‘you can’t take it with you when you go’…that is true.  However, what you leave behind will remain as your legacy to those that follow after you. Your children and grandchildren will remember the actions and activities that fill your days.  They will tell stories about you…about the food you cook and the flowers you grow.  About your car and your dog.  They will look at old pictures and remember.  They will laugh and cry when you are gone.  They will look at your sentimental possessions as treasures and pass on the old tales of each lovingly to their children so that you will not be forgotten. 

Today, you are building your legacy whether you know it or not.  Everything you do tells them something about you.  It would be nice if we could pick the things, our children would remember about us…but we cannot.  The details are different in each of their minds. They may remember the harsh words of an argument while we think about a fun outing.  They may take joy in a small acknowledgement that we do not even remember. That kind of makes you think doesn’t it?

 Realizing that life is short, gives new perspective on today.  It makes each action count.  It causes us to think about the good and the bad of everyday life, and how it will be remembered.  It makes words extremely important…both said and unsaid, written and unwritten.  Our words are the building blocks of our heritage.  Memories are the mortar that holds the legacy together so it will stand over time.  Sentimental possessions are the proof of what is important to us now that will remind others of what is important in the future. 

Christmas is a season for reflecting about our lives, and our faith.  Sometimes we are carried away with hustle and bustle, but despite all of that, we know the day marks time each year.  We review the year and think about life…and how fast it is moving.  What is your legacy?

Today I felt much better this morning.  I was around here doing santa stuff for the weekend at mom's.  I decided I felt so good that it would be good to see a movie.  So tonight we went to see The Nativity Story...it was good but I am tired.  I just all of the sudden feel drained.  I really am trying not to over do it but it is hard because I don't realize how weak I am until it is too late.  This round has definately been an easier one...and if I can stay healthy I will be finished soon.  Pray my blood counts are all good for the next two weeks.  I am going to try to rest so I won't have a chance to get weak... in my weakness he is strong...I bet there is something to write about in that verse!

This time is not as bad as previous rounds...I hope.  At least today, I feel pretty good.  I am sore and feel yuck but not as yuck as other times...if that makes sense.  I am looking on the bright side.  My shot will make me hurt some but by the weekend I should be better.  Christmas at mom's house...I am looking forward to that.

Today has been okay so far.  I am starting to have some pain now that it is late in the afternoon.  I got alot done this morning around the house.  I will probably just rest around here the next couple of days before going to mom's on Saturday for family Christmas.  This is the yucky part...but only one more time after these next couple of days!

Chemo went well...only one more time!!!! The port was where it should be and that made things easier.  I slept most of the day...a little more than usual.  I seem to be more tired and not bouncing back as usual.  My blood sugar was sky high so that is part of it.  One insulin shot last night and today it is back down to more normal and I feel better.  The thing about all these medicines is they complicate everything.  You never know what is causing the way you feel because it could be so many things.  Today is Peter's offical birthday so I am going to take cupcakes to the school today.  Other than that I am resting and eating protein to keep all my counts as up as possible....Only one more time...did I mention that I am excited about that?????

It is chemo day.  Pray for me.  I am always scared.  I have taken my anxiety pill and have my numbing patch on.  I am ready but there is always the fear of something going wrong.  But the bright side is after today I will be 5/6 of the way through with only 1 more to go!

Today was a good day. My bloodwork came back and I get to have chemo on Monday.  I never thought I would cheer for that but I am.  All is a go...then only one more to the finish line for this part of the journey.  My platelets were up and my white count down(but not too far down).  The human body is amazing how it functions.  The amount of difference in my blood counts in one weeks time is incredible.  I know that prayers have certainly helped.  God is very faithful to answer all of you!  Another good thing is that my cold has remained just a cold...though it has moved from my head to my chest.  I still feel fine even though I have a slight cough.  I am using all vitamins and herbal remedies to head it off.  They say it will not prevent my treatment unless I get a fever.  I slept in this morning and then we went to Athens to watch William at a band festival.  We got home late but plan to sleep in tomorrow...then decorate the Christmas tree all together.

One thing about live drama is that it is a challenge. (so they tell me)  To get all the pieces to come together just right is hard work.  When it happens it is satisfying and exciting.  Each night of a production no one knows what will go right and what will go wrong, that is the fun of it.  If something goes wrong how quickly can it be corrected, how fast can the actors think on their feet and make it appear seamless?  I think that is why my family enjoys drama so much…it is a high for them to be a part of something bigger than themselves.

The last night of the Christmas production this year (the night I stayed home) Jesus fell off the cross.  It was not his fault, there was a mix up with the hammer that helps remove the nails.  The guards had to continue without the proper tools and Jesus was left to fend for himself.  From what I hear, it was a quick fall and the play got back on track quickly.  However, at the cast party it was mentioned numerous times…it was funny.  The actor playing Jesus was a good sport, knowing that he will never live it down, even if it was not his fault.  He has been crucified 21 times over the years, but this is the only one that was ever messed up.  I think that is a pretty good record.

Of course, this got me thinking. (you know how I am)  How many times do we let Jesus fall off his cross?  How many times do we think that we can perform our way into his love without his sacrifice?  We cheapen his gift of Grace when we think we can earn his favor. If we could do it on our own, the crucifixion would not be necessary.  We are strongest when we know our weakness. Without his blood, we are nothing…period.  It is easy to blame him when something goes wrong.  He will graciously let us point our fingers at him, all the while knowing that it is our mistake. What is the lesson of this fall?   His grace is truly amazing.

We went to the cast party tonight.  We had a comedian and it felt good to laugh.  Laughter has to be one of God's greatest gifts.  It soothes and heals.  I needed a night of good hard laughter.

I seem to be getting a bit of a head cold.  My throat is scratchy and my eyes are watering.  It feels like when the pollen is out in the spring...so it may be allergies.  Either way I am trying to rest so I don't have to delay chemo again.  I plan to turn in early tonight.  I didn't go the the last performance at church so that I could go to bed.