Last weekend I ran away from life…not far, just to mom’s house.  I think the infection was just the last straw in an already emotionally draining time. Everything is catching up with me and when you look at it, I have been through a tremendous amount in a very short time.  Has it really only been 4 months since this all started?  It feels like a lifetime.  I have four children so I am always tired, but now the required energy is hard to come by.  I feel like I should be able to do the things I always do but cannot.  That is extremely frustrating to me.

 The problem is I have always been a plate spinner.  You know, the guys at the fair that spin plates on the tops of sticks.  They can add more and more plates and amazingly keep all of them spinning at the same time.  Just when one appears to be dangling and ready to plunge to the ground the plate spinner gets there in the nick of time.

 I think all moms feel like plate spinners (or maybe jugglers), trying to keep life going without dropping anything.  It is a hard task to be sure, but I am in that stage of life…and I am good at it.  I can spin many plates at the same time…without breaking a sweat…until now.  Now, my plates are dropping like flies.  They crash to the ground and shatter.  Last weekend, I dropped my kids.  The emotions of puberty clashed with the hormones of menopause and another plate crashed.  It was a painful crash for me because of the words spoken between mother and son.  It was over as quickly as it started and life goes on, but on top of all the physical difficulties, it was overwhelming.  I think every family has a steam valve that blows when the pressure is on.  William is our valve. Fortunately, my family plate will not shatter no matter how many times it falls.  That is a relief on days like last weekend. Just pick it up and spin it again. (By the way, this weekend is better.)

Other than that, I am down to two plates, work and chemo.  Work is going well because I can do it as I feel like it.  Chemo is not a choice.  So as I give up my plate spinning days I find that life is at a slower pace now.  The important things are important and the unimportant are gone.  That is not a bad thing.  “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” no matter if that is spinning plates or watching them fall.