First I have a praise…or two.  My incision is healed enough to not be too much of a bother.  I can dress as usual with no packing, machines, or tape.  That is big progress that I am very excited about.  My second exciting news is that my job is going to work closely with me so I can work as I feel like it.  This is a major thing that could’ve been a problem as I didn’t have 120 days sick leave saved.  I will be able to work in the office on days I feel good and not have to on other days.  The people I work with are fabulous…you know who you are!  They are so willing to help me out in this way and it is a relief to me to know that I will not have to go without pay because of not working.

Now on to other things…9/11  How can we look back on a day like today and not feel the shock all over again.  Something I wrote that week 5 years ago struck me as appropriate today…

              Steady

     God spoke to my heart, “I am calling to you…let me be your life.  I am near to the brokenhearted that includes, fearful, grieving and angry hearts.  I know every tear, every pain.  Come to me…come to me…breathe…in, out…in out.  I am as close as your breath.”

     There isn’t a word that describes this feeling.  Have you noticed now one can come up with the right word?  Multitudes of words are required.  Writers and singers, not one person has come up with the one word to describe our feelings this day.  Horror, disbelief, shock, anger, fear all of these are our feelings but not one of them stands alone as “the word.”  The closet word I can come up with is ‘violated.’

     Violate-to break, infringe or transgress; to break in upon or disturb rudely; to interfere thoughtlessly with; to break through by force or without right; to rape to treat irreverently or disrespectfully desecrate; profane; to treat with violence.

     Our country has been violated in the worse sense of the word.  An unknown, invisible stranger has forced himself upon us out of no where for no reason.  He violently forced his will upon us- and in the process took what was precious and valuable to us, all the while receiving sick pleasure form our suffering.  We wonder can we ever recover or are we to always replay the event in our minds?  Can we really not fear after what has happened? 

     Our innocence is gone and just like generations before us that saw the horrors of evil in men, so we too must face it.  But we will never be the same.  We will always remember what it feels to be violated.  A new seriousness and soberness has settled on this country in the few days most recently.  A “resolve” as the president calls it.  I think it is also a humbling.  We are not invincible after all.  We are vulnerable just like every other country in the world.  In many ways our country has been like a spoiled child expecting that everything revolves around us.  We’ve been put in our place to some degree.  I believe God is weeping for us to come to him for comfort and peace.  I know, personally, he can use the deep pain of suffering to draw us closer to him.  We have an opportunity to feel what he feels now, more than ever.  When souls are lost he weeps…when they are found he rejoices.  We have witnessed both this week…weeping and cheering.  We are made in his image after all.  The challenge this day is, spiritually, do we know him…I mean really know him or are we just playing games?