Bill and I went to my chemo class this week.  It was helpful and scary all at the same time.  It was good because it showed me I am not alone.  There are wonderful people there to help us through this difficult stage in the journey.  They are there to answer all my questions and help with practical everyday concerns.  That is a relief to me…an answered prayer really.

The scary part was all the information and possible side effects.  It was sobering.  I mean I know that cancer is serious stuff but this information showed me how serious.  We talked about how to manage physical side effects and how there would also most likely be emotional issues to deal with as well.  I already knew this of course, because I feel totally unstable some days and perfectly fine on others.  It was good to hear the normalcy of that kind of roller coaster. 

Knowing my hair is going to fall out, I tried to imagine what I will look like bald.  After class I went and tried on some hats at a shop in the hospital…that made me cry.  I guess I have had bangs so long I didn’t realize how wrinkled my forehead is!  I felt like Dopey from Snow White, with my big ears and round face.  Funny how something as simple as hair can be such a big deal.  I told Bill I can’t imagine how people that are really into their hair get through this.  As most of you know, my hair is the way it is because it is quick and comfortable, not as much for the look of it.  Now I find that I care more than I thought about the look of it.  That is hard.

I have heard it said by a survivor that loosing your hair is harder than loosing your breasts.  I don’t know about that since I don’t have breast cancer…but I can see how it could be true.  I know it will bother me when it comes out.  I know that I will get by and look at the bright side.  That is my way to cope…but it will still be hard to look in that mirror everyday.